Relationship Sorry About Isolation Question...

[Slw4789]

I recently posted a thread asking questions about isolation and some people got offended that I said "they" and my thread eventually got locked. I did not mean to offend anyone I am totally new to all of this and I am just trying to get a handle on things that I could expect or not expect from my sufferer. In my case he has moved out, moved in with a friend (has no family here), changed his address, and doesn't want to have any contact with me says he needs space for a few weeks his brain is on overload. All I wanted to know is if this is going to the extreme or if some sufferers do move out, change their address, etc. I know that everyone is different and everyone will react differently and has their own way of dealing with things I am just trying to learn as much as I can to help myself and him (hopefully). Again I apologize that I offended some people that was not my intention at all, like I said I am new to this and am still learning.:(

 

[Nicolette]

All I wanted to know is if this is going to the extreme or if some sufferers do move out, change their address, etc.

No it's not.... not with unmanaged/uncontrolled PTSD or even just significant overload.

 

[Anarchy]

It's something that I have done.

something that would have been important for me to have known at those times, was that I had not burned my bridges, even though I wanted to and was convinced that I needed to and was sure that I had indeed burned them.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Some sufferers isolate as a coping method. My vet does. He has days when he just cannot function, much less deal with other people. When he gets to that point, isolation is a shutdown/reset mode for him.

If he starts getting very symptomatic, I know he's going to isolate.

There is no need to apologize for the other thread. This is a place to learn and ask questions.

 

[ladee]

Thank you for asking the questions and I applaud you for wanting to learn more about your PTSD mate. There is a whole section here on the forums for Supporters... maybe you could go there and read and learn , or possibly ask your question there... do not apologize for asking for help. That is the purpose of forums. I have grown and learned a lot since I started here. Welcome and hope you find some answers. We all make mistakes with our loved ones because we love them and are not mind readers. You asking for help just speaks volumes about your love for him... Good luck and hope you find some answers. Sending :hug:'s if you accept them.

 

[Sweetpea76]

This is in the supporter section.

 

[ladee]

OOpps, not enough coffee this morning. Sorry.

 

[Sweetpea76]

No worries :)

 

[ladee]

Thanks:bag: !!

 

[Friday]

Isolation is really common with PTSD. Not everyone does it, but most people do to some degree or another. On a personal level, It's something I have always done, & far worse when I didn't understand what I was doing or why, & didn't take shorter breaks before things got too bad, but waited until I had no other choice. It's also something I will probably always do to at least some extent.

For myself, a week is nothing, and a few weeks is really normal / not on my extreme side at all. Moving out, on the other hand, is a pretty big freaking deal. If it's gotten to the point where I'm moving out? It's gone too far / there are some really huge things going on with me stressor-wise... And it's very iffy -at best- if I'll be coming back. ((Others do the breaking up or moving in&out thing all the time. I can't handle that level of drama.))

Thing is, whether common or not, whether in my completely normal "this is how I operate" zone or not... If I'm dating someone? There needs to be some lining up of need/wants. The best time to do this IMO is not whilst isolating. Either before (if both of us already know where they fall on the need/want spectrum) or after. Some people are fine with touching base roughly once a week (or once a month, or whatever). Some people need some kind of daily "I'm alive." point of contact. Whatever it is, needs to work for both people, clearly. Sadly, it doesn't always work out that way. No one's fault there. Just like any other area in dating there are things we love/like/aren't bothered by/dislike/can't deal with. Finding the compromise; where both people get what they need/want? Happens -or doesn't- with isolation just like everything else. (Says Capt.Obvious ;)... But for some reason people tend to hold PTSD symptoms as separate from normal relationship rules. That never works.)

 

[Slw4789]

Thank you all for your feedback and support. Right now I think he just has no clue what is going on with him, to my knowledge he has never been diagnosed with ptsd(if he has he never told me he only said he was in anger management/counseling at the VA) and I know he knows there is a problem but I don't think he can figure out what the problem is. All he has said is that his brain is on overload, his nerves are shot and he just needs time to focus on getting himself straight and spending time with his son. We had never had any problems in our relationship before all of this started other than small disagreements that were easily solved. When he did start going downhill he never took anything out on me, never got mad or yelled, he still told me he loved me and was still affectionate just not as much, he just started pulling away and didn't want to do anything but sit by himself and watch movies or surf Facebook. I would get upset about him pulling away because I didn't understand what was going on and when I would ask him about it he would hug me and tell me he didn't know what is wrong with him but he promised he would figure it out and fix it. I hope he is getting help but my mom saw and talked to him yesterday and he seemed reserved but was still talking about drill, deployment, etc so I don't know that he is. He told my mom he was sorry he had to do this and he has always told me this isn't what he wants it is what he needs. I am hoping he can get his head straight and we can eventually talk and work things out, if not there is nothing I can do about it and I will just have to take care of myself and move on as hard as it will be to do that.