Soul Sickness?

[KwanYingirl]

im curious to know what y'all feel about the effect PTSD has on your soul? I think it's safe to say that the term "soul" is interpreted on a personal level. It doesn't necessarily mean a religious definition, but for some, that will be important.

I've never felt a soul within me. I am working with a Shaman to help me with soul retrieval. I mean, I don't feel like I have a sense of the oneness of all of Nature. I don't feel things "in my soul". I think it got lost the first time I was raped and I've been searching for it for years.

How about you?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Well, in Croatian, my language, we don't user the term mental sickness, the actual term we use is "duševna bolest", which literarly means soul sickness.


I am not really sure about all the soul stuff and similar, not really religious and generally I don't think much of that sort of stuff...

 

[ladee]

@KwanYingirl, your 'soul' is still there. It is what has saved you to question where it has gone. If that makes sense. I have said on many occasions... My soul is so weary... because this is such a hard journey, with so many obstacles and noise. Yet here you are, searching for your answers... Nature and animals is where I make my best connections. My biggest hope is for you to make your 'soul connection' and feel your purpose on earth. You are amazing to read on your journey. I appreciate you. sending :hug:'s if you accept them.

 

[ssw]

@KwanYingirl I find this very intriguing.. I do feel I have a soul, more connected to it the others... Such as when I watch a horror movie, I feel like my arms physically being cut off itself and nausea.. So I don't watch them.

But I would still love to work with a healer... I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

 

[Justmehere]

I have felt pain that has shattered me, heart, body, mind and soul.

 

[ssw]

I have.. As well. I wonder why I still feel mine and you don't? I apologize . I don't mean harm or offense. I'm curious... I went to college for psychology and sociology. I love learning why people are the way they are.

 

[ladee]

Me too @Justmehere, and yet, here we are. Something is helping us hold on. sending you :hug:'s if you accept them.

 

[Changing4Best]

I don't believe I have a soul, I believe I am one! There is a big difference. I feel that my grandfather violated me when I was young, and my body too. His intrusion into my body was an affront to me. He violated every part of me. Then he abused me besides. This wounded me mind, body, and soul. I have been in therapy and on meds for many years, trying to recover, but I never fully do. I cannot work, for instance. I have never been able to hold down a job for more than 4 months in my life. My husband supported me when he was alive and I have other means of support now too.

 

[janeUnderwood]

I believe that since becoming aware of my sickness, and no longer being scared to admit that I am sick/in need of healing, has helped me to face reality, more and more.
I am uncovering myself as I am right now (body, mind, heart, and soul/inner child), my pain, my feelings (old and new), my joy, my true needs and dreams.
The very first step, for me, was learning how to care for myself (an ongoing process), and changing my physical and social environment so that I feel SAFE and SUPPORTED.
I am working on developing a new perspective of myself as being loveable and worthy of this life. PTSD forced me to encounter my fragile vulnerable self, and forced me to learn how to really see it, learn to protect it and accept it, and with time (and therapy) to start loving it. I feel much closer to my own self since learning to face reality.
I think that when our "soul" (i.e. who we really are deep down) can no longer take itself being ignored (denied its existence), it does something drastic to get through to us (like PTSD or having a nervous breakdown). If we allow ourselves to shed our ego defenses long enough to get a glimpse of ourselves as we are (our needs and wants), we can continue this process, doing the hard but rewarding work towards reconnection with ourselves. Aligning my life's choices with my deepest desires is the target of my present journey into reality and healing. In my case, I lost touch with my inner child and that is what I am reconnecting with.

Good luck with your journey, you are on the right track.

 

[shimmerz]

I have a shaman. We are now VERY dear friends. I believe the idea of soul retrievals are that you pick up 'pieces' of your soul that you have lost along the way. Sort of bargains with people where you had to give away a piece of yourself in order to appease someone else who you felt may have held your life in your hands (from a trauma-esq perspective). There is a movie called Crossroads that kind of paints a picture of this type of scenario (although not in shamanic terms .... more in terms of selling one's soul to the devil for what one wants.... rather than for their own survival).

My shaman did several soul retrievals with me .... and yes, I believe in the value of soul retrievals (and therefore the concept of souls), especially after those journey's. What came up during a particularly fascinating journey of ours was that I developed my dissociation (and catatonia) because 'I would give them my body but I would NOT give them my soul'.

That's what these past ten years have been about for me. Piecing back together my true soul (jmho) without the influence of other's values (or lack thereof) interfering with mine.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Souls wander the universe
Lost or stolen
Cut off from loved ones
Split off from love
Gently, carefully
We call them back to us
Searching for them in dark corners
Blowing them to life
With our breath
We welcome
them home
-Ellen Jaffe Bitz

 

[KwanYingirl]

@shimmerz i am also journeying, and it feels right, like I can really connect to my spirit animals. I had a partial soul retrieval when an Indigenous man that accompanies me took me to a village. The folk were in a circle swaying to the beat of drums. I was lead into the middle and it was me, in my entirety standing up and just taking it in. The next thing I know, I am a four year old sitting on the ground and was completely free of fear.

From "Soul Retrieval" a quote from the Wounded Healer:
Soul loss is regarded as the gravest diagnosis in the shamanic nomenclature, being seen as a cause of illness and death. Yet it is not referred to at all in modern Western medical books. Nevertheless, it is becoming increasingly clear that what the shaman refers to as soul loss-that is, injury to the inviolate core that is the essence of the persons being-does manifest in despair, immunological damage, cancer, and a host of other very serious disorders. It seems to follow the demise of relationship with loved ones, career, or other significant attachments.

This certainly holds true for me as I had no love as a child, lost a career to a preventable chemical exposure and the loss of my friends.

I am curious by nature, but have always wondered why I don't feel passion for anything I've ever done. I can play flute and guitar, but I don't practice. I have a hard time to make friends because I am out of my body so much. I enjoy watching movies but seldom feel a deep connection with the characters unless they are abused women falling apart.

I know I need to work on my inner child. However, it terrifies me, yet I can call back to mind being in the circle and feeling safe.

I wonder if any of you had a normal, loving life but experienced trauma as an adult. Can you tell if you lost pieces of your soul? What does that feel like? I'm very eager to work this out in my lifetime, yet I just feel lost and vulnerable and am often overcome by fear. I have empathy and compassion for others so I know I'm not a sociopath, but I'm lacking a true sense of my being. I mean, if I had a soul, I would not cut or self medicate because I would be whole-mind and body wrapped in the joy of a loving soul.