Beverly G.
Silver Member
Hi Chondra,
I am sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. I'm away from home and had limited internet as well as a couple of triggers that have made communication difficult. I want to make one thing clear before I tell you any of this. I am not talking about what we get in church. Church is one of my biggest triggers right now. I am talking about my own encounters with a very real God and the relationship that came out of them.
The first time I "saw" Christ was after a terrible arguement with my first husband. I went to bed begging God to tell me why he hated me so much. At some point during the night I woke up and Christ and two other men that I did not think I knew paid me a visit. He told me that he loved me and he had ever since I was knit together in my mother's womb. Being the skeptic that I am I believed it all to be a dream. The next day we were informed that my husband's father had died the night before at exactly the same time as my heavenly visit. I did not put much store in that as I had never met my father-in-law. Well the next day we all gathered at his family's home. When I walked in I noticed immediately a picture of my father-in -law on a desk. I was a bit shocked to recognized him as one of the men who had visited me.
Well as the queen skeptic I passed this experience off as weird and went on living my life just as before. Well about six months later I was at the end of my rope and did not know how to find relief. I decided death would be the easiest way. I drove to a bridge that runs over the gulf of Mexico. I stood on the side of the rail and told God I was sorry. Just as my foot left the rail I felt a very strong hand grasp my shoulder and pull me back. When I turned to see who was there I was alone.
On another occasion I was held at knife point and told I would die before the end of the night. I felt God's presence calling to me. I knew if I died I would go to hell. I think I could even smell it I was so close to dying. I asked God to intervene one more time and let me live to make things right with him. The man who had only minutes before held a knife to my throat passed out. I ran away. The next night I fell on my knees and asked God to forgive me for all the bad things and choices I had made in my life and asked that he teach me to serve him. I have not been without Him one minute since that night.
Even with every time God had proven himself to me I still doubted his love. I thought a loving God could not allow everything I had been through. So I sulked and once again God found it necessary to prove himself to me. On December 22,2009 I once again faced death. I had a massive seizure going in to deliver my baby. My heart stopped beating at one point and the crash cart was called for but thankfully my heart started back on its own. This is what I remember about that moment.
I remember the electrical shock that signaled the beginning of a seizure. I remember coming out of this state off and on. I was not afraid at first. I said "God if you are calling then I am coming but please save my baby. After my heart stopped I remember the first moment of fear. "God," I begged,"I am alone and afraid, please make them pray."
My friend who lives 1300 miles from me says she was just sitting down to dinner when the urge came over her so strong to pray for me that she had to go off by herself and pray for me like she never had for anyone in her life. She stopped when my husband called her and told her what had happened. We later talked to one doctor who said it was a miracle that had me in the right place at the right time and that they were able to get my daughter delivered as quickly as they did. Apparantly seizure to delivery was 6 min.
I know faith for a traumatized person is difficult. I know we have a hard time believing in a God who allows such horror to strike those he claims to love. I am living proof that God while loving us will never interfere in the freedoms of others but he will help us pick up the pieces.
Sorry about the length of this post. I also had a lot of repairs to make because I am a terrible typist.:D
I am sorry it has taken so long to get back to you. I'm away from home and had limited internet as well as a couple of triggers that have made communication difficult. I want to make one thing clear before I tell you any of this. I am not talking about what we get in church. Church is one of my biggest triggers right now. I am talking about my own encounters with a very real God and the relationship that came out of them.
The first time I "saw" Christ was after a terrible arguement with my first husband. I went to bed begging God to tell me why he hated me so much. At some point during the night I woke up and Christ and two other men that I did not think I knew paid me a visit. He told me that he loved me and he had ever since I was knit together in my mother's womb. Being the skeptic that I am I believed it all to be a dream. The next day we were informed that my husband's father had died the night before at exactly the same time as my heavenly visit. I did not put much store in that as I had never met my father-in-law. Well the next day we all gathered at his family's home. When I walked in I noticed immediately a picture of my father-in -law on a desk. I was a bit shocked to recognized him as one of the men who had visited me.
Well as the queen skeptic I passed this experience off as weird and went on living my life just as before. Well about six months later I was at the end of my rope and did not know how to find relief. I decided death would be the easiest way. I drove to a bridge that runs over the gulf of Mexico. I stood on the side of the rail and told God I was sorry. Just as my foot left the rail I felt a very strong hand grasp my shoulder and pull me back. When I turned to see who was there I was alone.
On another occasion I was held at knife point and told I would die before the end of the night. I felt God's presence calling to me. I knew if I died I would go to hell. I think I could even smell it I was so close to dying. I asked God to intervene one more time and let me live to make things right with him. The man who had only minutes before held a knife to my throat passed out. I ran away. The next night I fell on my knees and asked God to forgive me for all the bad things and choices I had made in my life and asked that he teach me to serve him. I have not been without Him one minute since that night.
Even with every time God had proven himself to me I still doubted his love. I thought a loving God could not allow everything I had been through. So I sulked and once again God found it necessary to prove himself to me. On December 22,2009 I once again faced death. I had a massive seizure going in to deliver my baby. My heart stopped beating at one point and the crash cart was called for but thankfully my heart started back on its own. This is what I remember about that moment.
I remember the electrical shock that signaled the beginning of a seizure. I remember coming out of this state off and on. I was not afraid at first. I said "God if you are calling then I am coming but please save my baby. After my heart stopped I remember the first moment of fear. "God," I begged,"I am alone and afraid, please make them pray."
My friend who lives 1300 miles from me says she was just sitting down to dinner when the urge came over her so strong to pray for me that she had to go off by herself and pray for me like she never had for anyone in her life. She stopped when my husband called her and told her what had happened. We later talked to one doctor who said it was a miracle that had me in the right place at the right time and that they were able to get my daughter delivered as quickly as they did. Apparantly seizure to delivery was 6 min.
I know faith for a traumatized person is difficult. I know we have a hard time believing in a God who allows such horror to strike those he claims to love. I am living proof that God while loving us will never interfere in the freedoms of others but he will help us pick up the pieces.
Sorry about the length of this post. I also had a lot of repairs to make because I am a terrible typist.:D
