Stalled/stopped In The Process Of Treatment Of My Ptsd - Complex Trauma

[who am i kim]

I was wondering whether others had stalled/stopped for a period of time along their journey of PTSD -Complex Trauma and maybe what happens?? Is it a long break or short break. Is there a lull before the next stage of the journey begins??

I feel like I am in no man’s land at this point in time of my journey with PTSD –Complex Trauma. I have been in therapy for the last 10 years on and off. Mainly with the same therapist. It is like a blockage of some sort or resistance to what is to come next in therapy?? There is nothing there at the moment. I have no idea if I am making any sense either. It is like am in a void of sorts. Going nowhere, is this good or do I just need a rest for a while. Take some time off for all the work that I have done so far which is not much. I am basically aware that I have problems and have some measures to help me out, but I need a hell of a lot more to be able to heal. Maybe I never will. I need to stand on my own two feet but the terror of it is overwhelming. I was psychologically beaten in to nothing. Basically you get scarred for life as that was the real world you lived in. I was not wanted. You do not trust anyone because you never know when the next blow is going to come.

 

[Meadowsweet]

My therapy stopped for a couple of months and I knew I was going back to it. In this time I felt in a void: I wanted to deal with stuff, I wanted to get better and there was no therapy to help me.

Looking back, I feel that waiting for a therapist to help me fed the belief that I am useless on my own.

When I did go back to therapy, my therapist didn't want to go too much into my traumas, because of the dissociation and splitting that I used to get me through without therapy.

So I find myself once again, by myself. Inside I'm hurt and angry, but I use that to motivate myself - it's like no one else is going to bother so I'll damn well do it myself. So that's what I'm doing. I'm not brilliant at it, but it's the determination and stubborn belief that I can find a way, that is helping me.

If you don't mind me saying, 10 years of therapy with the same person sounds like there is a bit of dependence on the therapist. And I don't feel it's right for a therapist to create that.

 

[safenow]

In my opinion, it's time to go it alone for a while. Read all you can. Try to use what you've learned so far. After 10 years with the same therapist, test out what they have taught you. If you can't figure it out, then perhaps it's time for a different therapist. A baby needs to stand and let go of the finger or the couch in order to walk. We are like babies. In order to be sure we can "walk" on our own, we have to do it a few times. If we fall down, that's all part of the learning process. Just get back up and try again.Trust me, each time, it will get easier.

I've been in and out of therapy for over 60 years. Some on, mostly off. I'm back on again, but not with the needs I had previously. Now, my needs are new. But that tells me I'm still healing. Since the damage was so intense at such a young age, then the trauma was from adulthood, it sent me back to the formative years where I had no legs to stand on (if you know what I mean). It had to take something pretty major now to send me back in time. I'm still standing, I just wobble once in a while.

 

[who am i kim]

Thank you for your replies safenow and meadowsweet.

 

[Marie10]

I'm currently taking a break from my therapy. It was getting overwhelming and I feel like I need I break for a month just to relax. I will go back in a few weeks but I'm glad I'm taking time off.

It may be helpful to look for another therapist? Just a suggestion.

I too have constant trauma- one event after another to where normal becomes abnormal and I get used to the abnormal. I was so used to constant bad events, one after another that I made my life being able to be ready for the next trauma. I know this is not a way to live.

For instance, right now my bedroom has no furniture due to a bad relationship and me moving all the time. I find it hard to get things organized like I used to.

Be good to yourself, consider interviewing new therapists, surround yourself with Love- in and out of your living environment. Hope this helps.

 

[Hashi]

It is like a blockage of some sort or resistance to what is to come next in therapy?? There is nothing there at the moment.

It is like am in a void of sorts. Going nowhere, is this good or do I just need a rest for a while. Take some time off for all the work that I have done so far which is not much.

I think a break from therapy can be very good if it's for a purpose - eg resting, reviewing things, focussing for a time on other aspects of your life, or building your coping skills and getting stronger. A break from therapy because you're in a void... I'm not sure where that takes you.

I'm wondering what your therapist thinks. Your therapist must know you well by now. Do they think it's resistance to the next step? Do they think it would be useful to go on working together? I'm very much hoping they're not just turning up each time to collect a cheque. I'm also hoping they're not continually propping you up without guiding and helping you to try to move forward (that might sometimes be needed as a short term measure, but you're talking much longer term). If they're not, they must have some thoughts about this.

I think you need a bit more clarity about what you've achieved so far, and what you want to achieve next. Without anything specific to think about, it would be difficult to make a decision whether it might be best to continue with your current therapist, find a different one, or take a break.

What would healing look like for you? Not a big outcome that's far from where you are now, but the intermediate steps that tell you you're going in the right direction. If you were moving forward, what would be different in six months' time? That might be something directly related to working on the trauma, like having been able to talk to your therapist about a particular experience and feeling more able to cope with the memory of it. Or it could be more general things like sleeping better, experiencing less anxiety, managing a particular situation with more confidence, going out more than you do now, taking better care of yourself or whatever would be applicable to you.

I think you need to have something like that in mind, then you can look at how likely it seems you could achieve that with your current therapist at the moment. Are you avoiding what you'd have to do to get there? Could you continue to see your therapist but work in a different way that might be more effective? Would taking a break help you to go back to work on it later? Does trying a different therapist seem like a good idea?

At any rate, it sounds like you definitely need to be talking with your therapist about what to do next. If you feel stuck, that's something you both need to explore.

 

[who am i kim]

Hashi thank for your thoughts, I am going to copy and go through what you have said. Map it out.

I also wondering if I want to continue this journey, in a way I want to stop the onslaught of everything. Just have some peace. I am also probably avoiding the step too. The problem here is that I will run in trouble some where farther down the track and I will get into serious trouble again and this time it will be nasty. I have Anger Issues as well, hence the nastiness. But will talk to my T at some stage re all that is going on with me.

 

[Noel]

I'm at the very same place too! Thank you for putting words under my thoughts! I have been seeing the same therapist for 10 years, once a week, every week. I also have been in and out of therapy for many years. I recently retired from my teaching job, to build my piano class, and while doing that, I got some rest. My brain actually rested after 43 years of stress, deadlines, and all. It is amazing how much better I felt, and with that some of the stuff that has been tripping up became perfectly clear.

For one thing, I had to forgive my parents. They've been dead for years, but the memories AND the resentments have lived on, almost taking on a life of their own. I discovered that having my insane parents, front and center during the weekly sessions was no longer effective. I also just needed a break. Therapy is hard work that doesn't let up, and I needed some space, and time. The parents are now part of the narrative, not THE narrative. Forgiving them was extremely difficult, and it took time away from the therapist, and constantly facing family issues to do that. I integrated a little more, and untied myself from the specter of those awful people, releasing them into the wherever, and whenever. This action has NOT cured the PTSD at all, but it was work that I had to do in order to take another step towards better integration.

I know what's coming up next in therapy, and I don't want to do it, because there are triggers, and I am avoiding that. I think that if I can do this part of the therapy, I might be better, but the therapy itself involves computer screens and that triggers the multiple tv screens of long ago that freaked me out. I want to get better, but oh, the therapy. If I tell the therapist about the triggers and why, he may digress from the therapy, and it just COULD help me. Actually I wasn't aware of the triggering until I took this time off. Then, with a little distance from it, I found the language to explain.

I feel disgruntled because I've had an overwhelm lately with negative deadlines bearing down and I can't stand the pressure. I want to run to the therapist, but what I really want to do, is, after 10 years, and at least 15,000 dollars later, I want to be able to handle an overwhelm on my own. It has lasted this time, for three weeks without let up. I am beginning to believe that independence is not happening for me, that a full life is out of the question because the collateral damage was so great, and that I am just going to have suffer, and accept a half life, instead of a full one.

At the same time, there is enough drive inside for me to DEMAND a full life. The one I would have had without the abuse and damage to my mind, brain and nervous system.