Standing Inside Or Out

[BlueDream]

Let me start with a positive vibe~
Knowledge is power


I have been on edge for a few days, pretty normal and reasonable issues but dealing.
As I'm looking around FB this morning I come across a story about a biker group called b.a.c.a
This group of heros Bikers Against Child Abuse stands guard and escorts children who have been abused to court, when trying to convict their abusers. I started about 1 minute in, crying. Not the normal but real painful tears, the ones that tell me when I have stumbled across a trigger.
So I feel like no one stood up for me, and protected me. I think I have found this one before. I gave myself a pep talk after I had gathered myself. I know I'm strong enough to stand up for that little girl. I know I will protect her and keep her safe. But how many times until I heal the pain. I need to heal the pain, if I can't then I don't control the anger, if I can't control the anger then I can't participate in life the way I want to. Which leads to......

I am dipping my toes in a few new ideas. After 33 years (the real pressure from my parents started about age 10, as to what my life's work should be)
I have thought of
"what I want to be when I grow up"

I want to be an activist for causes that are near and dear to my heart.

I am getting involved with Bernie's campaign. I went canvassing in Cincinnati, (by myself, with a group of strangers....good job me)
I have also found a group in Ky that is trying to legalize cannabis. They need a volunteer to help with their fundraising efforts, making phone calls solicitating donations etc. and I volunteered. I will find out more on Monday.

Big questions are bouncing around in my mind.
Should I, someone with anger issues, become an activist, someone who fights for issues? Is fighting "for a living" a good idea, or will it push me to far?

It's been said, you either live inside your story and own it or you stand outside and watch. Can I own my story?

I do have some concerns about having a child and cannabis being currently illegal in my state, however if I cave because of social pressure I'm standing outside my story.


I could use some thought on what's going on in my head right now :)
Thanks

 

[BlueDream]

Sorry about the link it doesn't have to do with my post.

 

[GardenGirl0214]

I say go for it!

 

[Changing4Best]

You seem pretty strong and determined to me, very good signs.

 

[hodge]

I was an activist pre-PTSD. Those years were some of the best in my life. I felt really happy to working for labor and social justice and be part of a social justice activist community in my home city One day I even got an email from a union in another state thanking me for something I wrote. It was incredible.

I would encourage you to continue your activism . . . just be aware of your feelings and take it easy when you need to. Try not to let yourself get overwhelmed. And definitely work on your anger in therapy, because you don't want that to interfere with the good you want to do.

Great job on the canvassing and volunteering!

 

[BlueDream]

Thank you all, I am going to take a leap and get involved. I hope I can control myself. I think if I am mindful of my triggers and cautious about the situation I think I will be of value to some good organizations.

 

[hodge]

Social justice work can really trigger anger, so be careful and continue to work on that. I'm sure you will be a very valuable activist as long as you can control anger and say no (to whatever's being asked of you) when you need to. That's a hard one for me, but you have to take care of yourself first.

I'd love to hear about your experiences if or when you ever feel like posting about them. Maybe you could start a thread about activism, a place where others can share, too? That could be really cool. If I were doing something now, I'd start one, but, alas . . ..

Good luck!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

In my trauma, in the cult, i was forced to kill small animals, brutely, and though I dont want to go into details i will say that first, its the only ritual i didnt take into my adult years and second, in my early years (18 to about 23 ish) i was an animal activist. I volunteered at shelters, rescues, helped the take down puppymills, trained dogs etc.

Also i volunteered at a local place that had abused children, sorta like a "Big Sister" thing, I was someone they could relate to and talk to, even the few that refused to talk.

In this time, my entire past was supsressed and pushed down. Right after i became an addict, i think my mind was purging it.

But my point, it is completely OK to fight for what you believe in. Issues or not!