Standing Up And Following My Heart

[futurefocussed]

Trying to let you in, I'm not always very good at that.

since i was a little girl i had it in my head that i was going to be a teacher, that i was going to be the best teacher there could be, because i wanted to follow the people i looked up to, which didn't happen to be my parents.
By year 5 I was certain and I made the biggest mistake in telling my Dad, that eventually it became his dream for me rather than my dream for myself.
As time went on i did a number of trade certificates and then went to uni/college in 2010.
After having completed 3 years, I went to rehab, having failed a couple of units, which put me back a bit.
I was away 18 months, deferred uni.
I have officially completed 3.5 years of the degree now, to then fail the final prac.
Alison, my last mentor teacher helped me to see where my heart was, helped me to stand up to my parents and say no, I will not follow their dream for me, she supported me every step of the way.

Now I am on that path. Despite my parents disapproval. That I'm going to be a librarian, where I am calm, and happy.

 

[Nilrath]

I'm so proud of you. Great job!

 

[Deleted member 35353]

Trying to let you in, I'm not always very good at that.

since i was a little girl i had it in m...

You are very brave and an inspiration to all

 

[Glo809]

The Mrs is a new librarian, and loving it... hope you do as well.

 

[futurefocussed]

I graduated last night and yet it still feels like i have failed, but then i try to define success, not in my dads eyes, not in anyone elses eyes, but in my own.

What does it mean for anyone else to be successful.
Completing something challenging
Overcoming something that you actually tried with
Passing despite how many obstacles you faced

If this were anyone else, would I see them as successful?
What would I say to someone else in this position?

I am so proud of you, you stood up for yourself and you found something that is completely you, where you feel at home and you are happy, that now everyone around you can see how happy you are to be where you are. That look at you, you are rating higher than you actually have before and I love you for that. You graduated. You never even thought that you could graduate and I am so proud of you that you did. I remember when you first started, that you had to keep convincing yourself that you liked teaching, and that you could do this and yes it was hard, but look at you now, you stood up there last night. You shook the chancellors hand. And you got to give him that scared little smile that you do so well. I know that you didn't wear your rainbow sneakers, because right in that moment you could see that it wasnt something to have been taken lightly, because despite everything that you've been through these last 6.5 years, you did it. You got there. You overcame the bullying in the university classroom and you stood up and said no, that you proved them wrong. That defines success and you did it.

Why can't I just say that to myself? That I didn't fail. I graduated. I am a graduate. That despite the obstacles, despite the bullying, ostracising and ridicule, despite everything, that I got there. This isn't a failure. It's a statement of how much I have achieved and how far I have come.

That as I wrote last night, before graduating, that nothing is a waste of time if it adds to the person that you are.

This has definitely added to the person that I am now.