Starting Over, For The Hundredth Time

[TLight]

Thanks. All I ask for is some kind of reasonable financial plan. Instead now he's going to move into a friend's RV, park it in the front of the house, try to sell all the crap in the garage, move his 4 precious expensive pet cows to an unfinished, no water, no electricty, no floor, etc house....wait 3 years to have some baby cows grow up to sell, hopefully.

And within all this time, the $200,000 will still be draining. Yes, he can rent his house....it's small and I wouldn't rent it with my landlord in an RV directly in front of the front door, but OK. So probably $850 from that........still has $500 health insurance, $300 month car and 'toy' insurance, a horse to feed that he doesn't ride, cows to feed full time, and a $650 mortgage on the property the cows are on. Oh, and food, gas, batteries..........Still don't see how the $850 rent he 'might' get is going to cover.

Then pay someone to haul his pet cows (he just spent over $1000 to buy meat from someone else cause he didn't want to 'break up the family' and butcher one of his...........and this guy is going to be a rancher????).

Oh, and this is all my fault cause he brought up the fact he'd like to buy me a saddle for Xmas and I told him NO.
He admitted he was married for 20 years to a woman who ran the finances and he is certain he wants to run things his way now and not have to answer to anyone.

Some kinda marriage. I spend all my SSDI on our bills and he comes home with a wench, new chrome for his Harley, etc. etc.

I've taken a year of this. I never ever signed up for this! Quit his job without even so much as a word to me? Bought a snowplow, horse trailer, horse........without so much even a word to me? (Although I wanted him to have a horse). What's next?

Hope the guy makes it. I'm off now to pack my shit into my car.

 

[TLight]

I'm so tired. Please, someone help me. No energy..........

 

[NIKI]

I can totally understand your frustration TLight. That's alot of bills with no income coming in. 200,000 dollars does not last long. I agree that it for sure isn't enough money for him to be able to RETIRE. I agree with everything you are frustrated about. I would feel the exact same way. I don't understand why he thinks it is enough to retire on.:unsure: It does sound like he is in a mid-life crisis.

 

[TLight]

Thanks Niki;

Was supposed to sign the papers last night, but the guy had to cancel, printer broke. So now its tonight.

Him, he's going out to lunch and cocktails for three days in a row now with his buddy. Says, "I have to take care of myself."

Guess I blew it huh?

The girls at the barn where my horse is and where I spent the night are now 'afraid' of me. Went there yesterday to see my horse, walked up, said 'Hi' and thank you and Happy New Year. How was it? They said OK then went back to there horses and didn't even give me a second glance.

Then when I took Riley out, they had all disappeared.
Not a safe place now.....they know, I scared them....Scott says its my fault.

So, I'm the one suffering horribly, trying to function, get a grip, blame no one and just get out of the triggering.......and he's the one with all the support.

Looking for a new place for my horse now. Telling our secrets puts me in Total Fear. Now they think I'm a freakin freak cause I told about what happened to me, the flashbacks, the hospitalizations.........now I'm the 'scarey' one?

I feel so totally alone.

 

[mamachick]

Is he a narcicist?

 

[Srain]

TLight, I might open up your own bank account and put your money in it. Feeling some of your independence and power is important, it's not about the money it's about you feeling some control over what is going on. You have only been married 1 year, this is your money, let him pay the bills at this point.

I would suggest seeing a counselor or therapist. The more alone you feel the more anxiety and paranoia you are going to be feeling, the more meds you feel you will need, not a good mix to take care proper care of yourself.

I get that feeling of "stuck and suckered". I have horrible feelings of financial fears and a man not working, getting drunk or high is a HUGE trigger for me as well. I have had my share of panic marriage situations and been left with absolutely nothing but the bills and filing fees.

I might also look into to seeing an attorney for a consultation just because, but get your head clear, you are not 'crazy' just because you have been in the hospital. This is where a therapist would be vital support.

I have been through the ringer with more husbands than I will admit to (for now) and what I know is that not one of them defined who I was and I survived them all while remaining true to the woman I am. I kept believing I was meant for better and I refused to settle. Please believe me when I say, you have every right to feel your partner is just that, a partner with you. Don't settle, you don't have to and just because you are experiencing PTSD symptoms at this time that still doesn't mean you have to settle for less, EVER.

I'm just saying,
Peace and strength,
Rain

You can take or leave anything I say.

 

[TLight]

Srain, Thanks so much for your support. It is very hard to not feel like I'm the broken one, worthless.

The realtor guy canceled twice about 10 minutes on the way to sign the papers. Finally, we met last night at the house and he still didn't bring the papers, yet wanted my check, references, etc. Turns out he knew practically everyone I rented from already (a couple were realtors).

Then he talked, talked, talked and had to take me around the house yet again to show me all his trinkets he's collected, antiques, etc. I was breaking. He said he'd be around a lot to build yet another patio, he comes and dusts the antiques, and he suggested we could sit out on one of the decks sometimes and take in the view.

Alert Alert! Then a 9 month lease........He took my check and I got home and felt sick, shakey, horrified. I called and told him to tear up my check....I was clear I wanted to keep to myself and this is the type of guy who will push boundaries again and again and again. Been there, done that. Need home to be completely safe.

Starting my search over. In touch with a woman who knows someone with a horse farm who rents a couple of trailers and she is putting me in touch with her. Just some woman off the internet who had a room for rent too far away! She said she felt something inside told her to follow her gut and try to help me. I put on my ad that I have a 'traumatic brain injury' and am on disability......I figured it was close to the truth.......

Fingers crossed.
The triggering has lessened a bit, the crying jags. I feel nothing for my husband except to wish him the best. Not his fault I can't stand by his side. Although I did tell him, made it perfectly clear what I could and could not withstand.

Therapy appt tomorrow afternoon. Have to figure out how to drive myself.......urgh. And yes, I'm taking more and more klonopin and Seroquel. This morning I feel like a zombie......but I'm hopeful about this opportunity. Even excited a bit. She said if I wanted I could work other horses cause the owner has back issues now and she's been hiring people to work her herd. And I'd be right with Riley, my only true peace in life........although he can be a handful of a stud man!

 

[mamachick]

Tlight, this sounds like a much better option, Ill keep my fingers crossed for you that it works out. When will you find out about the lady with the horses? Please be careful with your meds. I know its hard to not feel broken and worthless, but try to be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend in this situation.

Srain says it well. Accepting the failure of a relationship, regardless of married or not, or how many, is not an indicator of failure. For me, failure is accepting little, and expecting no better. You deserve the peace that you need right now.

 

[TLight]

UPdate! Signed no papers with this guy (the realtor), got no receit for my check. Called him within 15" of getting home and said I did not want the place, he said no problem and tore up the check over the phone.

This morning.......the check has been cashed. He's hanging up on me and not answering.


God I hate my life.

 

[mamachick]

Tlight, I am so sorry. You really dont need this right now. Glad you have no lease with a guy that would do that. If he is a realtor, are the others in this agency that you can deal with?
These are exactly the kinds of things that happen to me and that I allow to keep me where I am-I am so sorry.

 

[TLight]

Thanks Brat..........urgh. I'm so tired right now.

Looks like the thing with the horse lady is going to work........hopefully she won't abuse me too.

T session, guy said that it sounds like I'm doing the right thing. He talked to husband and got the gist.........his way or the highway, no talking to me prior to decisions, my needs and negotiations being 'written off,' etc etc. I think my husband thought he walk away smelling like roses and the guy would say we had a chance.
He didn't. Getting out.........good.