Starting To Get Depression Warning Signs

[intothelight]

Aysha,

You are doing really well by reaching out, but not over reacting when you didn't get a response. It still wouldn't hurt to try to contact him again. There is no reason to be embarrassed as that is your T's job and I am sure that he has handled personal crises before.

You are doing the right thing and I hope your H is supporting you right now. It is a tough spot to be in when everything starts to spiral down. Do what you can for self-care and keep hanging on.

You are in my thoughts.

Deb

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

It still wouldn't hurt to try to contact him again. There is no reason to be embarrassed as that is your T's job and I am sure that he has handled personal crises before.

I don't know what to say.

 

[intothelight]

Ayesha,

Just tell him the truth. Let him know how you are feeling and would like to see him sooner if possible.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I can't bring myself to do it. I see him on Monday.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I don't want to see him. There is nothing to say. I mean I don't have anything to talk about.

 

[Shellbell]

Hugs (((((Ayesha))))). I can hear the pain in your posts about your T and I hope you are okay.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Talked to T. Feel worse. Not sure what else to say.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I don't understand me. I mean when I was 19 years old and oblivious depressed how come no one helped me? So I feel like that now. People are helping but I keep thinking it's all just in my head because no one paid attention then so maybe...it's some how all my fault.

It has to be my fault. There where so many people...How could ALL OF THEM not see what is now so VERY oblivious?

I must have done something wrong. And right now I am just not try hard enough...I should try harder. But I am so tired. I am so tired of always tiring. Why is it always such a struggle to just LIVE??

Maybe that doesn't make sense. :unsure:

 

[Shellbell]

I understand what you're going through Ayesha. It makes sense to me.

No-body helped me through through my teens when I had depression, even when I tried to end my life. Nobody cared enough to help me.

And now I'm dealing with the shame and guilt of having MDD and PTSD now at 41, feeling a burden on people who are helping me.

The PTSD and depression together is very hard to live with on a daily basis.

It is a struggle to live some days, it's only my children and knowing I need to keep going for them, that keeps me going some days. I think I may not be here now if it weren't for my children.

You didn't do anything wrong back then and neither did I.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Morbid thoughts. Driving is more reckless. Sports car was a bad idea. Bad Ayesha, Bad Bad. :banghead: Now I can not only drive recklessly but I do it very fast. Bad Bad. Probably should take H's car tomorrow and let him have mine. His is a practical family sedan...only goes 80 if you really really want it too.

People talking is starting to get very annoying. Hearing people just chatting when I go places...I just want to tell people to shut the f*ck up. No, I don't want to make small talk with you. Will you please leave me alone??!

So I try not to go places where I don't have to talk. My throat gets dry and my lips all cracked.

I put things on silent so I only have to talk when I want. I mostly just talk to H. And hang out with our cat, who sleeps next to me all day. I read books and think of new books to find at the library.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

It just keeps going and going... :(

 

[Britt.f7]

Ayesha, I have suffered from MDD since early childhood. PTSD in my teens but they didn't realize what it was back then.

My families way of thinking was if we don't talk about it then it is handled. It wasn't that they didn't have any realization of the situation. They just chose to ignore it. Somehow I was just suppose to magically get better. Years later, actually about 10 years ago, my mom found out some of the things that happened to me in my teens. She asked why I never told her. I thought to myself, really?! I didn't get into it with her.

Sometimes I can tell they are still like that. Talking about it makes them uncomfortable. Let's just pretend and everything will be pretty. Sometimes I wish my brain thought that way. Seems like a very carefree way to be.