Stepdaughter & bombshell i have to get out!

[Gs172003]

Am I awful person, for just letting her figure out how she is going to deal with it and not tryin...

Let her know you are there for her but she's an adult. Let her figure it out. That's my take anyway.

 

[Nessa7]

This is my understanding of what happened:
The OP's stepdaughter and granddaughter visited the OP's daughter and her fiance. They drank a lot of alcohol. Her stepdaughter and granddaughter spent the night on the couch. The stepdaughter, who is an adult, woke up with the fiance's father's p**** in her mouth.


Does your stepdaughter have any doubts about what happened? What did she say happened after she realized what was happening?

 

[cntrymom08466]

@Nessa7 that is exactly what I was told by my husband. We talked about it that night because he couldn't sleep, he kept seeing her as his baby girl of course. But kept trying to remind himself she is an adult. Finally got to sleep and I asked him after thinking about it, what happened after she realized what was going on and he said he didn't think to ask. He was probably in shock hearing what she said. He hasn't had a chance to speak with her since. I haven't spoken to her about it yet. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing or to come off wrong. She wanted him to tell me about it. Unfortunately, I sometimes don't react well at first but sometimes after I think I do better. I've just had too many "shoes" dropped in my life you might say. And she and I don't get along really well sometimes, we are doing pretty good this time as we are both trying. We both know we have issues and we try our best to get along. She doesn't seem to have a lot of common sense to me and needs to grow up so to speak.

Based on my past with my girls, I feel I should react more, but then I don't want my daughter hurt in the process if it didn't really happen. I mean does that make sense. This stepdaughter loves drama and feels she doesn't get or has never gotten enough attention from her dad in the past. Her younger brother was an attention hog even before I came in the picture and her bio mother was a drug addict, who didn't spend much time with them and their dad raised them. I didn't meet her until she was 15 almost 16 and I tried and she tried, we just didn't click you know. We got along as best we could, but it was tough. I just don't know whether I should say something or let her dad handle it or what to do!!?? Why this, now when everything seems to be going so well at least for the most part. My youngest daughter, is engaged and happy, just graduated nursing school. She has a beautiful son and just is on the right track it seems like. I don't want to think of something like this destroying everything. I don't even want to think of something like this happening to anyone in my family. I've dealt with this stuff enough in the past. :(

 

[Gs172003]

It might be best you don't say anything.

 

[Muttly]

Other than telling your step-daughter you care, I'm not sure there's anything you need to do. This isn't something you did or saw and your step-daughter and daughters are now an adult. Taking action might actually do more harm, as you are not one of the people directly involved.

 

[Mee]

I have a different reaction here. I think you can support her by helping her locate and talk to a rape advocate in your area. Someone who has no emotional conflict with others in your family, is able to help her work this out.

Adult or not; in trauma support is often needed; whether it’s current or a flashback. This puts you in a position of having supported her to the best of your ability without having become conflicted within your family.

 

[cntrymom08466]

Well, I did push for her to get in contact with her counselor she had started seeing and told her she needed to talk it over with her counselor. I haven't heard any more from her about it. When I did try to talk to her a little more about it and asked what she did when she realized it was happening she said nothing she couldn't move? She was passed out at the time from drinking. Her dad told her it sounded like what he has had which he calls "waking nightmare" I don't know.

But I know from my kids experience, a counselor is the first thing she needed. Thanks!

 

[Abstract]

There is another consideration here. You won't be able to figure out what is what and there is a limit to what you can do but if fiance's father is predatory it would be better for your daughter to know. I'm not saying that you can make that judgment as the situation sounds tricky. Just that wanting things not to be true doesn't mean they aren't. Truth is always best dealt with head on as horrible as it can be. Something to have in the back of your mind rather than need to do anything about since you don't know the facts. What is your impression of the father?

Other points:
If it was real then it isn't acceptable to engage in this type of activity with someone almost passed out.
Some people are brazen enough to do things like this in front of others.
It sounds like a flashback ish experience is a possibility.

Knowing your step daughter, is she capable of making this up to get attention?

Sorry that you have had so much of this in your life and the life of your loved ones.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Am I awful person, for just letting her figure out how she is going to deal with it and not tryin...

No that’s exactly what you need to do. Don’t for god sake do what xena said.

You could be potentially putting your step daughter in a dangerous or very shit situation. It’s up to her to decide what to do. She needs to have control over this. Unless it’s something where you’re worried about the welfare of children you need to let the victim take charge. All you can do is let her know that whatever happens you’ll support her.

Even as you said yourself and others said they’re not sure if it’s true. victim blaming is alive and well you could possibly make her life really shit if you decide to do was you like and tell people without her permission. Ask her how she wants to be supported and for god sake don’t let her know you’re not sure if you believe her.

 

[littleoc]

No that’s exactly what you need to do. Don’t for god sake do what xena said.

You could b...

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