Sticking It Out When Everyone Else Is Just So Negative

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Missing sunshine, if family is bringing you down with negative words - get away and make a new family of like-minded people so you can express yourself - Hell, I've talked the ear off strangers in the grocery store, the gas station anywhere I am having a hard time. And, I have gotten some very strange looks but, many more were idling to listen and give an opinion. Strangers have no grudge or preconceived idea who you are - so no embarrassment for the most part. Just talk about one thing that may bother you when in public, standing in line - talk therapy brings people closer to the truth and to the human condition of others.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Cherryblossom thank you so much for all the time and effort that you have taken to respond to my post. I really appreciate it.

Is there any way you can sit down with your family and have a discussion about how invalidated and worthless they make you feel? And explain things from your point of view?

I tried this 3 days ago, to sit down with my family and let them know what was going on with me. It lasted a whole 1min before my father lost his cool and went off the deep end, before my other brother and mother chimed in. The abuse etc has always been a constant throughout my life but I have never seen so much hatred behind the message. It really scares me.

Is there one family member who you can get on your side to support you? You mention your brother, and not knowing his disability, but can he help you to stand up to the rest of your family emotionally?

I have always been able to go to my grandmother (who practically raised me) and my uncle for support but they both passed away over the last 2yrs and now that my aunty is gone I dont have anyone else left. My brother has brain damage and paralysed, so he is non verbal.

I don't know where you live, but is there any financial help that your brother would be entitled to, to help you find a place together? Or any charity/ organisations that might be able to help?

The only treatment/respite options for him are nursing homes. There is no way that I can place my 21 yr old brother in one of those places to hang out with so many elderly people. This is an area that our government has let down the future generation in our state.

I have always had the ability to switch off from it all and fend for myself, but I find myself failing at that currently. I know that the majority of people on here have had such terrible things happen to them that I cant even imagine how they do it. This is why I feel so terrible that I cant even handle my little situation. I have got T tonight so might have a bit of a brainstorm to see if there are any options that I have not thought about - if not then it is time to just suck it up and put up with it. Thanks again

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

That environment is doing even more damage where you need it the least. At this point, the only thing I can think of is to go to a residential treatment facility. You need out of that environment ASAP.

I am not really sure how those facilities work...but I am guessing that I couldnt take my brother with me? If that's the case then unfortunately its not an option for me at this time. Thanks for your support.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Sometimes simply moving away to a completely different geographic location helps. The new sudden changes may spark survival instincts. You can pick and choose new people to surround you with no hinderance from those who criticize you and offer no support.

 

[Reclusive]

I am not really sure how those facilities work...but I am guessing that I couldnt take my brother with me? If that's the case then unfortunately its not an option for me at this time. Thanks for your support.

Some would and some wouldn't - you'd have to ask around. Also, talk to women's shelters, too, they may be able to point you towards other housing options too.

 

[mamachick]

Missing- I am sorry that you have no other options as far as living arrangements. I also know that even when you move out, the issues will still exist, the just won't be a constant. I think it is possible to get support elsewhere and still live in the same house. My own experience is looking at a ringing phone and debating my emotional strength at that moment before deciding to answer it. If I were smarter, I would just always click the annoyance button.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Just when I seem to scrape myself through the week til my next T session...which was scheduled for tonight. The T has just cancelled it...I don't know that I am up to it anymore! Physically and mentally exhausted from fighting for everything...

 

[mamachick]

I know how hard it is and sometimes for me it feels like a fight just because the family seems so oppositonal (even hard to tip-toe around) but it will get better if you keep at it. Maybe the T can get you in on a cancellation list or before your next scheduled would be. I would not hesistate to explain the importance and see if you could even speak on the phone for part of the hour.

 

[OKRADLAK]

I am the negative one. That is why I stay away from my family. I can no longer pretend to see the good in things that I can't see the good in. I know it is draining.

 

[mamachick]

I have been there too-not with my family but with my friends (dark shades syndrome). I came out of it and I am no exception. What helped me was the right meds. Sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error and that is doscouraging as well. Im hopeful for you

 

[OKRADLAK]

Thank you, brat. I am working with a new T that I do not trust, not her fault, my fault.

Maybe things will get better. She is a kind soul and I like that.