Still no interest

[Dizzy]

It’s been 5 years since I left my abuser. I gained a lot of weight after I left and I’ve lost some in the past year. I thought maybe my weight was preventing me from feeling ok enough to get out there a date but now I’m thinking maybe it’s not that? I find the more time passes the less I care about “finding someone”. I’ve not even been remotely interested in anyone and have made zero effort to even try to get to know anyone of the opposite sex that could be seen as a potential mate. Did this happen to anyone else? Things like marriage and having a baby used to be so important to me and now it’s like I don’t care at all. Am I trying to save myself from suffering again?

 

[FauxLiz]

@Dizzy you are not alone. I left my most abuser/husband and divorced in 2008. I had two kids a substantial trauma history and was a mess I put on weight I lost weight and the first time someone expressed interest in me I panicked and put the weight back on ( I think my brain saw it as a defensive mechanism to protect me. That was in 2012, earlier this fall I met some and after more than a decade of therapy when he asked me out I accepted. It has taken me 11 years since my divorce to actually go out on a date and we are taking things very slowly. I am heavier than I would like to be and never imagined any one would be interested in me at my current size but wow nice surprise.

There is nothing wrong with you not being interested in dating now or ever in the future, would you question another per that had ended a non-abusive relationship about why they were not dating no it would be accepted that they are not ready or have not found the person that they are comfortable with yet. So don’t second guess yourself if and when you are ready and the right person comes along you will know it. For now just love yourself work on healing and let things happen as they may, trying to force yourself to be ready to date and find someone will not be healthy. Just my opinion.