99Phoenix99
Gold Member
Today I stood up for myself and I feel ridiculously proud of myself :D
My quick back story. I have medical issues. My PTSD stems from years of being poked and prodded with invasive procedures.
Anyhow, today I saw one of my surgeons. I mean like THE big guy of the medical world in his field, the one who's taken care of me for years. He was telling me how I needed some more injections. And by injections I mean IM (Intra-muscular) injections that go at least and inch or so deep into my head depending on the spot.
I told him I agreed that I needed the IM injections but I REFUSED to get them unless I was sedated.
The last 6+ times that I've had these done put me into shock. The procedure involves no anesthetic or numbing agent. NONE. And Then a long ass needle is then slowly... and I mean ever so slowly pushed cm by cm into my face which is already in pain from cranial nerve and muscle damage. And then when he finally gets deep enough into the muscle he'd then empty the syringe to which the solution is pushed directly into the most aggrevated place in my face. And the added build up of fluid creates such a blinding pressure it only makes the pain ten times worse. He'd then take the needle out and repeats this process at least 4 more times in different spots. By the end of that my body was in stone cold shock from pain. My whole body broke out into a stone cold sweat. I was dizzy. It took 20 to be able to stand on my own. I could go on and on....
BUT my point being. I told my doctor that I refused to have that happen to me again. That I would only agree to it if they knocked me out because I just couldn't deal with it anymore. And for once I didn't care that I was going to be making things difficult (getting knocked out requires a lot of paperwork and insurance garbage, that's why I never got it before). I didn't care that I would have to deal with paperwork stress because in the end it's not worth it. It's not worth having to spend a whole day trying to physically recover from those injections.
And I told him just that.
And you know what?
He said he understood. And he'd get right on it (the paperwork that is).
I'm so happy.
So unbelievably happy.
Those injections have given me nightmares more times than I can count. Because I've had those injections more times than I can count. And now... NOW I won't EVER.
I MEAN EVER.
Have to deal with them again. Because I won't let it.
I'm asserting myself for the first time in all of my medical issues. And I couldn't be happier. Because when this all started I was a minor. I had NO CHOICE. If I was told I needed a medical procedure then it would be done. Even if I said no, it would still be done. "Because it's in your best interest and you just don't know it yet." And so I suffered for years. No one listening to what I wanted and didn't want because I wasn't legally old enough to make decisions about myself.
But NOW? Hell. I'm SO happy. For THE FIRST TIME the doctor looked at ME for my permission. NOT my gaurdians. ME.
This might sound ridiculous but this is such a HIGH for me. I feel like for the first time I actually have THE SAY in what happens to me. That I'm no longer that poor little girl who cries because she has no say in her life. I'm done being coerced into procedure after procedure.
Baaaahhh!
SO HAPPY!
My quick back story. I have medical issues. My PTSD stems from years of being poked and prodded with invasive procedures.
Anyhow, today I saw one of my surgeons. I mean like THE big guy of the medical world in his field, the one who's taken care of me for years. He was telling me how I needed some more injections. And by injections I mean IM (Intra-muscular) injections that go at least and inch or so deep into my head depending on the spot.
I told him I agreed that I needed the IM injections but I REFUSED to get them unless I was sedated.
The last 6+ times that I've had these done put me into shock. The procedure involves no anesthetic or numbing agent. NONE. And Then a long ass needle is then slowly... and I mean ever so slowly pushed cm by cm into my face which is already in pain from cranial nerve and muscle damage. And then when he finally gets deep enough into the muscle he'd then empty the syringe to which the solution is pushed directly into the most aggrevated place in my face. And the added build up of fluid creates such a blinding pressure it only makes the pain ten times worse. He'd then take the needle out and repeats this process at least 4 more times in different spots. By the end of that my body was in stone cold shock from pain. My whole body broke out into a stone cold sweat. I was dizzy. It took 20 to be able to stand on my own. I could go on and on....
BUT my point being. I told my doctor that I refused to have that happen to me again. That I would only agree to it if they knocked me out because I just couldn't deal with it anymore. And for once I didn't care that I was going to be making things difficult (getting knocked out requires a lot of paperwork and insurance garbage, that's why I never got it before). I didn't care that I would have to deal with paperwork stress because in the end it's not worth it. It's not worth having to spend a whole day trying to physically recover from those injections.
And I told him just that.
And you know what?
He said he understood. And he'd get right on it (the paperwork that is).
I'm so happy.
So unbelievably happy.
Those injections have given me nightmares more times than I can count. Because I've had those injections more times than I can count. And now... NOW I won't EVER.
I MEAN EVER.
Have to deal with them again. Because I won't let it.
I'm asserting myself for the first time in all of my medical issues. And I couldn't be happier. Because when this all started I was a minor. I had NO CHOICE. If I was told I needed a medical procedure then it would be done. Even if I said no, it would still be done. "Because it's in your best interest and you just don't know it yet." And so I suffered for years. No one listening to what I wanted and didn't want because I wasn't legally old enough to make decisions about myself.
But NOW? Hell. I'm SO happy. For THE FIRST TIME the doctor looked at ME for my permission. NOT my gaurdians. ME.
This might sound ridiculous but this is such a HIGH for me. I feel like for the first time I actually have THE SAY in what happens to me. That I'm no longer that poor little girl who cries because she has no say in her life. I'm done being coerced into procedure after procedure.
Baaaahhh!
SO HAPPY!
