Strange Meeting With My Therapist Today

[Justmehere]

And I asked her many times if she is sure that she wants to be my T because I came for something else and suddenly this thing came up. She always say that she is committed 100% to whatever will come up in the therapy.

I used to ask my therapist a similar question at every session. Eventually, after I had worked through a lot of the trauma with her, I decided to try to believe her and to try to remind myself that I can take her at her word when she says she is committed. It's really hard to believe - my heart goes out to you.

She listened and than said the sexual abuse in the family is the most difficult experience for the client but also for the therapist because whatever she will do will not be good enough.

It is a great idea to ask your therapist more about what she meant. I think your therapist might be referring to the simple truth that trauma survivors struggle with trust, and no matter how much a therapist cares, it takes time to process through the trauma before the client can really see that the therapist is there for them. When someone goes through sexual abuse, they naturally distrust people. You naturally don't trust your therapist, don't take her at her word, when she says she is committed to you. That's ok. It's expected and it doesn't make you textbook. You are still you, and important and valuable person. You are not worthless or a burden on her.

She said that I am angry because of what happened in my childhood and part of the anger is forward to her naturally.

This is called transference. It's a normal and common part of therapy. It's not a sign that she is frustrated with you. It is an uncomfortable thing to experience. It can be a tool for healing if you keep talking to her about it and staying in touch with what YOU feel.

I felt that she is frustrated (maybe not and its just me) and I felt uncomfortable.

This is all hard stuff to talk about, and the more you can share with her about how you feel, the more she can help walk with you through it. It will hopefully help resolve the trauma of the past too.

I don't understand why she had to say that the therapy is difficult for the T also. I feel like a case study in a psychology book suddenly. Now I will be afraid to "complain" about stuff because maybe it's this anger issue as a surviver.

It sounds like she knows that being angry with the therapist is a common part of the process of healing for trauma survivors. It's actually a reason to share with her your concerns all the more. The more you do so, the more she can help.

There could be something else going on too, but it seems like to me that she really cares about you, is very committed to you, knows and expects a few bumps in the road, and is ok with it. I hope you talk to her more about it and that it helps you feel better with her in the end, and that she is a helpful support to you. You are worth it. :hug:

 

[Hope1969]

I used to ask my therapist a similar question at every session. Eventually, after I had worked throu...

thank you :-)

 

[GardenGirl0214]

I once had an issue with a therapist in which she said something that really upset me. I swore I would never go back to her! But I decided to collect my thoughts and discuss it with her. She sincerely apologized and acknowledged that she screwed up. She offered to refer me to another therapist. I decided that since she was so sincere, I should try to work through the issue with her, and it turned out to be a good decision.

As was mentioned above, therapists don't always say the right things, and sometimes they make mistakes just like everyone else. You need to decidecompress if it's something you can work through with her. If not, you may need to find someone else. Good luck and please post an update after you talk to her.

 

[Lucycat]

I don't understand why she had to say that the therapy is difficult for the T also.

Perhaps because you have both agreed to be honest in therapy? My T has told me how difficult he found me as a client. That I challenged his skills - but he felt privileged that I had accepted his accompanying me on the journey to recovery. He is a very experienced trauma therapist, and I respected his honesty.

Therapy is not a 'walk in the park' for either party. I don't think a T is being disrespectful when they say therapy is difficult. I suppose if I took my car to the garage, and the mechanic said he thought the car would be difficult to fix - that would be honest also. But want I want to know is if he thinks he is up for the challenge. Then I can choose to stick with the garage or take my business elsewhere. If the mechanic knows my car well, I will trust his judgment and appreciate his honesty.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think feeling like a burden or toxic etc, it helps to know if they will say so, so I can stop worrying/thinking I have to solve it (know if I should go). In my case it's not paid therapy like that kind, but that adds in also don't want to be in the way.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Of course, it depends on the individual situation, that psychologist I had was not competent /able to help me and looking back she didn't handle things ethically. A lot of people can feel hurt by certain choices of words but usually the best way to deal with it is tell the T how their words made you feel, so that they know to choose their words carefully in future. It was highly damaging for me at that time to be told it's frustrating and certainly it made me uncertain of her abilities. And like I was difficult, knocked my self esteem massively and that's the last thing I expect in therapy.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think asking would be best?

:hug:

ETA, tbh, I'm ok with the truth, I'd rather hear that, it just might not be worst-case-scenario, too? In other words, it's hard to hear, but ok, can be managed, or hard to hear because it's actually really lousy (& therefore you shouldn't feel it's 'nothing' & have a right to grieve/ the abuser(s) did something terribly wrong? Ugh, I can't find the words. You see it's easy to mis-speak! :eek: :hug: )

 

[GWhizz]

My old T also used to say that she felt her response/reaction would never be good enough. I think she just meant that what I was saying was very impactful and that it would be hard for her to match that in words. Like they know how hard it is for you to talk through it, but that the experience was even harder of course. So in a way, I believe it's their way of telling you how profound what you're discussing is, in contrast to how seemingly meaningless and unhelpful their response may be. Because nothing they ever say or do can ever wave a magic wand and make it all go away. Not the past nor the incessant PTSD aftermath. My T used to sometimes text afterwards telling me how brave I was, but that she was sorry that she felt whatever she said wouldn't ever be good enough. And it is normal that feelings will be transferred. The whole bloody thing is so frustrating!! Please don't feel bad. Just try to talk it out with her. Many a time I came back to my T telling her how peeved I was at an assertion of hers. Most of the time I'd misread the situation and as a result the process was made more frustrating for both of us, especially if I held onto it rather than clearing the air.

 

[Hope1969]

Hi everybody

I had a meeting with my T today. This was the first thing that I asked.

She told me that the situation I am dealing with is very difficult and she is with me in the process. But no matter how much she will say it's difficult it's not as difficult as I am feeling it. No matter what she will say or do it will not be accurate or the same as hard as I feel.

She also said that she doesn't treat people that she feel that she is not the right T for them or that she doesn't want to treat.

I felt good with her answer and also felt that she is strong enough to be my T on this issue.

Glad that I asked her.

Thank you all for your support. I needed that.

 

[Lotis]

Glad that I asked her.

This is really great!! You should feel proud of yourself for speaking up and taking care of yourself. It is great to hear that it all turned out well and made you feel good. Sounds like you have a good therapist who is committed to you.
L

 

[Alistair]

Dont, you totally arent. I dont get why she would say that. That would make anyone feel bad...

Certain things trigger therapists as well. I am one and sone things you just gave to go with, even though they wouND you too.

We are all human and can't switch the heart off all the time.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Certain things trigger therapists as well.

I doubt thats what this is and a good therapist isnt going to let what you say effect them or at least tell you its effecting them. If my therapist did that, that would make me feel so bad about talking to him about any of my past that i wouldnt anymore.

I think its more of what @Justmehere stated.