I reread and wanted to add one more thing. Only in the last 2 years have I felt "pleasurable" sensations. To me they are as horrifying as the unpleasant sensations, if not moreso. I know, intellectually, that my body reacted normally, but ... idk, I guess they do that shit to mess with your head, like if it felt so good I must have wanted it, or I liked it. Its so confusing, but explains 100% why I orgasmed only a small handful of times as an adult in committed relationships. In all my relationships I was always highly sexual prior to a committment, then once I "got them", I'd be cold, uninterested in sex and really feel nothing. It would then feel like I had to, like a responsibility or a chore.Well what I meant is in having these sensations and they feel like I'm being hurt down there. But wha...
Okay, enough of that... I guess I thought I'd share that; maybe you identify with some of it.. take care~