General Strangers

[Capricorn]

Hi I'm new to this site and have spent a lot of time reading and learning through others experiences.

I have been with my VET for 2 years before he went on a 10 month deployment. This would be the second deployment for him and first for us together. Before he left everything was great. We have a great relationship full of love and understanding.

Shortly after he returned home I realized I did not know this man. He became distant and selfish. The stress that emirates off of him was palpable.

He broke up with me and told me it was all my fault and that I would just leave him any ways. I was devastated. I did not know who he was.

He decided to take a trip to Vegas to clear his mind. And contacted me while he was there to tell me he missed me and that he knows he needs help. He says he wants to work on things. I told him that I'm here and I'm not leaving. That I love him and will support him through anything. I thought things were going well. Until the silence started. He just dropped of the face of the earth. I'm giving him his space and letting him deal for now. It just hurts. How do you take 3 years of love and perfection and start at square 1? I am trying but at times I experience extreme anxiety as well, as this gas turned my life upside down. We also have a 2 1/2 year old that he has been a part of since she was 6 months old. He seems to not want anything to do with her either.

Help! I don't know how to hold it together for her to. She asks about him constantly.

It's like a knife being twisted in my heart every time.

 

[amethist]

Its hard when they just disappear and you are left wondering what the hell you did. You probably did nothing at all and it was just the anxiety of him being in a relationship that was to blame.

For now I would concentrate on yourself and your daughter, building up a life that could include him, or not depending what happens next. But please put yourself first.

 

[atthree]

"He became distant and selfish." I read this and the first thing I thought of, he was tired of fighting or being told what to do. I am so sorry, but I can tell he's a good person just by these actions he's done. He doesn't want to hurt you or say anything he doesn't mean is why he'll stay away and regret this later. It's out of love, for sure

 

[Capricorn]

I agree with you both. I think I pushed him too hard when he first returned. It's like I expected everything to go back to the way it was. That was very selfish of me.

I have talked to him and we are working things out. I just need to learn patients. It's not easy.

As for our daughter he's not ready for that right now. So I am going to keep her away until I know he can commit to us long -term. I don't want to drag her through this.

I appreciate the support and comments very much. I am praying and practicing patients and compassion. I love this man. He is " it" for me.

Also after reading a lot of others experiences, I realize I'm lucky and don't have it that bad. :)

 

[Capricorn]

After reading all of the helpful posts. I'm pleased to report. I've learned a great deal.

J and I have slowly started to repair our broken relationship. It's going to be a long road, but I'm ready for the ride.

Thank you to all of you for all you do and all the encouragement your stories bring.