Stressed Af

[Thizette]

I'm working two crappy jobs right now as a waitress--restaurants are perhaps the most dysfunctional, abusive working environments in existence. I'm looking for employment in another state that actually uses the degree I just earned, but seriously why would an obscure small town in Colorado take seriously an application from an obscure small town in Texas? All of my cover letters explain that I'm moving and my application was not submitted on accident. So I'm moving, too, and we're trying to sell the house and nail down housing in another state all within the next two months, oh and 2/3 of my partner's kids are coming for three weeks in July so I'm trying to prepare myself for that, as it's their first visit with me living here and I anticipate that could be difficult for them, and I'm still trying to house-break my puppy.

My partner is struggling with depression and I'm dissociating more often than not so he often feels I'm cold and unsupportive. I feel like my only accessible feeling is anger. I'm either completely numb or angry. I'm trying so hard to stay calm and be present. I know he's struggling to be present for me, as well. When we both have these issues, it often feels like communication breaks down. We usually communicate so well, but these past few days have just been shit. Mostly I've been avoiding him because neither of us is good to be around right now. I want to sit down and just have a gut-wrenching lay-it-all-on-the-table conversation so we can get past this, but I don't know when we'll have the time because I'm working two crappy jobs right now...

Can't I just crawl under the table and sleep for a week instead???

Seriously, audiobooks are saving my life right now. They're the only thing keeping me afloat. Something has got to give, and soon.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Oh, Thizette, you're in a tough spot! I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to cope with your jobs, plan a move, and trying to respect your husband's needs. Is there any chance you could go to couple's counseling? That really helped my husband and me understand each other's positions better.

(((hug))) if you can accept.

 

[Thizette]

Thanks @Mal Content. I actually think that he needs counseling on his own first, and he's currently getting recommendations from people. The last counselor he tried was terrible (his opinion, not a projection of mine!). Our collective issues aren't as big as our individual issues, and we really only have problems when both of us are symptomatic at the same time. The good thing is that we've built our relationship on a foundation of radical honesty. This ends up with a lot of "I don't like what you just said, but I see the truth of it/see why you would feel that way/etc." We finally broke through the symptom-cycle last night after I got home from work. Once he finds a good personal counselor, I'm definitely going to bring up couples counseling. I think he'll be supportive of the idea, too, as that was what his mom did for a living.

I'm worried about this weekend, though. I have doubles two days in a row and then long shifts on the next two days. Physical exhaustion and emotional exhaustion go hand-in-hand.

Hugs much appreciated :hug:

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Thizette Do you think that you and your husband could discuss a strategy the next time you're both feeling ok? A safe word, maybe, to communicate your state of mind? An agreement to avoid doing the things that set each other off?

 

[Thizette]

A safe word would be good for the yelling. I usually just say please stop yelling after every sentence until he stops. Or I go away.

 

[Changing4Best]

That is a good boundary. Can you think of any other boundaries that might work better, like an "I think" or and "I feel" statement?

 

[Thizette]

Update: Finally nailed down housing!

Now I can pour all my energy into....everything else :O_o:
Seriously though, it's such a relief. I have something positive to think about now, like how we'll decorate. It makes thinking about everything else slightly less awful.

 

[Ronin]

Congratulations, @Thizette. :)

 

[Thizette]

Congratulations, @Thizette. :)

Thank you, thank you.

I found out today that my name isn't actually in the lease, which concerns me as I'll have no proof of residence for my new driver's license. ...have I mentioned I have a black-belt in worrying? ;)

But sincerely, thank you. This forum is wonderful and I appreciate you and everyone in it.