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Stressful Work Environment

K

KeepGoing17

Hi! So I’m really dedicated to my work and want to share what I’ve gone through recently

My manager was my friend on Facebook and commented on how skinny I looked in some of my photos as someone who is recovering from anorexia this is extremely harmful. She knew I had anorexia too. She also met with me twice a week for personal reasons, bought me Starbucks, let me keep the 8$ and gave me some energy stuff to put in your drink. The one day I texted during class and asked why a girl was in there and her response gave me a panic attack. She told me I was getting written up. She then unfriended me on Facebook and stated she was uncomfortable with me after she told me how much she supported me. And I don’t see what I did to make her uncomfortable. All I did was cry. I have spoken with my therapist, advocate, and dietitian and they feel really bad for me and say there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s her.

I don’t know how I’m feeling. She was so supportive. I was stalked and assaulted by someone at work so I was just making sure everyone was supposed to be where they should be and she got angry at me. She says she’s a mental health advocate but I don’t think she understands ptsd and how something similar can make it feel like your back at that place.

She suspended me and says if one more thing happens I’m done
 
Hi KeepGoing17 - I've moved your thread to our Employment, Education, and Disability area.


Can you explain this more? I don't understand why being in class relates, or why a girl was in where?
It’s my job

Hi KeepGoing17 - I've moved your thread to our Employment, Education, and Disability area.


Can you explain this more? I don't understand why being in class relates, or why a girl was in where?
Another worker who doesn’t teach the class was in the fitness class
 
I'm sorry this is happening.

I'm struggling to follow what has happened.

You were stalked and assaulted by someone at work (this work?).
Your manager had a friendly relationship with you that extended outside of work (Facebook, Starbucks), but she has now withdrawn that.
Your now suspended for some reason.

Are all those things linked? Like, are they targeting you because you spoke out about being stalked by someone and they don't want to hear it, and therefore blaming you for it?

You obviously don't need to share things you don't want too but as I couldn't follow the situation I don't know how to respond or what response you want. Other than to say it sounds very difficult and it's very stressful when your livelihood is impacted.
 
I'm sorry this is happening.

I'm struggling to follow what has happened.

You were stalked and assaulted by someone at work (this work?).
Your manager had a friendly relationship with you that extended outside of work (Facebook, Starbucks), but she has now withdrawn that.
Your now suspended for some reason.

Are all those things linked? Like, are they targeting you because you spoke out about being stalked by someone and they don't want to hear it, and therefore blaming you for it?

You obviously don't need to share things you don't want too but as I couldn't follow the situation I don't know how to respond or what response you want. Other than to say it sounds very difficult and it's very stressful when your livelihood is impacted.
I just moved into my own apartment too. Have bills to pay. I have another job thankfully. So I was assaulted, told her. She was super friendly met with me twice a week. I opened up to her about my childhood trauma and eating disorder. She did all those things. Starbucks, money, FaceTime. Then one day a worker was in my class and I texted about it and she said she was going to write me up. I was having ptsd of the guy in my class and then a panic attack bc of how her tone switched. I couldn’t breathe. My boss was out of town. The manger the next day after saying she’s a mental health advocate for me and supports me totally turned on me. Suspended me and said she wasn’t comfortable around me.
 
i'm wondering (projecting?) if your boss is suffering a flashback trigger event. with my own trigger events, the reaction is quicker than the blink of an eye but the after effects linger for long enough for me to do some hideously unjust things in response to perceived threats. your description of your boss's reaction gave me flashbacks to some of those misbegotten reactions. i'm feeling a sudden urge to make amends to some of the people i hurt thusly.

healing hopes for all. no exceptions.
 
i'm wondering (projecting?) if your boss is suffering a flashback trigger event. with my own trigger events, the reaction is quicker than the blink of an eye but the after effects linger for long enough for me to do some hideously unjust things in response to perceived threats. your description of your boss's reaction gave me flashbacks to some of those misbegotten reactions. i'm feeling a sudden urge to make amends to some of the people i hurt thusly.

healing hopes for all. no exceptions.
She did ask me what my trauma was. After I complained about the stalking by the guy she had my boss watch all my classes. I thought my job was in jeopardy for speaking up. At the meeting I just had I asked if something else happens am I fired she said no it depends then I mentioned all the things she’s done infront of an hr person and she emailed me the next day saying I’m fired if something else happens.
 
@keepgoing17
i am blatantly projecting from my own, strictly personal experience here. one of my meaner hypervigilance symptoms is to build barriers against people who have gotten too close to my "secret garden," most especially when the "intruder" is too close to my career/social development. to this day, navigating those fuzzy lines of how much to reveal of my past and the numerous psycho ticks attached remains a royal mindblower.

your boss's handling of this situation sounds exactly like something i would have done. my reflex remains to reject before i can be rejected, but the therapy tools work when i work them. amends owed to the too many people i rejected during this psychotic cycle.
 
I’m sorry, I’m another who doesn’t really understand what exactly is going on.

From what I’ve read, your boss was friendly to you outside of work, and then “something” happened, and she was required to act as your boss, and you are both feeling confused (as to what happened) and feeling betrayed?
 
Hi! So I’m really dedicated to my work and want to share what I’ve gone through recently

My manager was my friend on Facebook and commented on how skinny I looked in some of my photos as someone who is recovering from anorexia this is extremely harmful. She knew I had anorexia too. She also met with me twice a week for personal reasons, bought me Starbucks, let me keep the 8$ and gave me some energy stuff to put in your drink. The one day I texted during class and asked why a girl was in there and her response gave me a panic attack. She told me I was getting written up. She then unfriended me on Facebook and stated she was uncomfortable with me after she told me how much she supported me. And I don’t see what I did to make her uncomfortable. All I did was cry. I have spoken with my therapist, advocate, and dietitian and they feel really bad for me and say there’s nothing wrong with me, it’s her.

I don’t know how I’m feeling. She was so supportive. I was stalked and assaulted by someone at work so I was just making sure everyone was supposed to be where they should be and she got angry at me. She says she’s a mental health advocate but I don’t think she understands ptsd and how something similar can make it feel like your back at that place.

She suspended me and says if one more thing happens I’m done
I'm sorry to hear about this unfair treatment, and yes, even though she may be a "mental health advocate", that surely doesn't mean she's not able to wound and hurt other people. I really empathize with your situation and understand how something like this only helps to trigger painful places from the past. Based on your perspective, it sounds like she has some internal problems of her own, and possibly an inability to support you the way you need to be supported. It sounds like the support she offered initially was a one-time occurrence. We should all feel safe and supported at our places of employment. I sincerely hope you find resolve in all that you're experiencing.
 
I am sorry you have had to go through this issue, and empathize with your feelings of feeling betrayed. It sounds like she has her own internal issues that she maybe needs to deal with and has the inability to support you in the way you need to be supported. I would hate to be in the position of working under someone who has a mountain of baggage they're bringing into the workplace. From what you shared, it appears there's a maturity problem, as well.
 
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