Childhood Struggles about brother again

[hermione]

I don't know where to post this. I was abused by my brother as mentioned in other posts it was horrific my psychiatrist told my therapist when she told her some of the things he did to me that only a monster can do that sadly that is my brother. I don't think my mom doesn't believe me but she won't hear me on it...says its still her son or so last time i tried to talk to her about it. i don't even like to talk about it. my brother is under investigation for downloading child pornography he is out of the house and my life but not out of my head i have sort of wanted him arrested just so my parents get a reality check we go on like all is normal and they live in denial. my therapist just read an article that took 4 years of investigation for someone in my state to get arrested for the same thing so she told me i have to stop holding on to that. it is so difficult she also said not to rush things i may not like all that happens if and when he gets arrested she said. i know what he did to me i don't need proof that he hurt me i know that. i have the memories and the pain from it. its just a difficult situation. i have so many mixed emotions. should he be arrested i don't know i never pressed charges and couldn't handle it.

 

[Kintsugi]

Hermione, I hear you. I believe you. And to some extent, I understand. I've been there. I am there.

I'm here to listen.

 

[Klo]

i have so many mixed emotions. should he be arrested i don't know i never pressed charges and couldn't handle it.

In my personal opinion, the healthiest approach is for your own well-being to be your top priority, which includes your mental and emotional well-being. Basically in line with the notion that a drowning man can't save another drowning person, until he has saved himself, first. While it is true that since your brother is a predator, he could be preying on other victims until he is brought to justice, it is also true that if you are mentally and/or emotionally in a very unwell, conflicted and/or fragile state, then ultimately trying to pursue justice at this point in time could be more devastating for you without necessarily leading to results. It sounds like the good news is that law enforcement is already investigating your brother for a relevant crime. So basically whether or not you decide to actively pursue justice in the future, in either case the best priority is your own well-being at this time. It also sounds like your therapist is taking a pretty level-headed approach as far as also wanting to help you focus on your own processing and well-being right now. This is probably very important, not only because you deserve healing, but also because as your therapist says, things could get harrowing in a trial if law enforcement pursues justice with or without you being actively involved. It could come to light that you parents knew about the abuse, that your brother himself was abused, as well as incidents of abuse towards you that you may have repressed, and so on. Doing as much healing and grounding work right now for your own sake is probably the best priority. Also sometimes when a survivor hasn't had the chance to do a lot of healing and grounding work yet, and then suddenly gets faced with participating in a trial with family members, the emotions can be so overwhelming that the survivor may have programmed mechanisms get set off in which they feel compelled to defend the perpetrator(s), and so on. Pursuing justice as a survivor is a huuuuge undertaking not just legally but also emotionally and mentally, as well. Your therapist advising you not to try to rush just yet sounds like solid advice so long as the therapist is also helping you to process, ground and heal in the meantime, for its own sake and also in case you decide to pursue justice at some point in the future.

 

[hermione]

Thank you for the support. I am not planning on pressing charges I know that would be too much for me and i am not in a state where that would be ok...i am still in my anorexia and struggling with nightmares and flashbacks like crazy and self harm and suicidal ideation...I know you are right. my therapist said not to rush things like i may not like what happens if he gets arrested it might be a lot to handle and she said of course we will cross that bridge when we come to it. my therapist has been wonderful ever since all of this came out also since we well still deal with my other sexual abuse by my dads friend and that took a long time as well to come to and there are still struggles. i doubt i will ever pursue justice i don't want to hurt my family part of me still wants to give my brother the benefit of the doubt on things but after the cops came to take his computers he ran from his job and dissapeared for 24 hours and when they found him he had tried to kill himself which i do not know the details on. While in a psych hospital after that he was not able to say much but he talked to my therapist who said she did it for me not him she told me to remember that and he said that i deserved to be angry he didnt' say for what and i hadn't disclosed much at that point either my therapist kind of knew. she is wonderful and she is helping me to heal she believes without this secret i was keeping i can finally heal and recover from my eating disorder and its interesting to hear that and though i don't believe that fully she does..its just all difficult.