Struggling to find a reason to go on

[EveHarrington]

Hey!

just saw this --- how are you doing?
Go back and reread all the response to your post. See how...

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I am doing much better today. The random crying spells have stopped. I think a part of it was a bad reaction to my allergy meds, which I stopped a few days ago.

I’m now putting one foot in front of the other. I’m still sad that I don’t have certain things in my life, but I’m moving forward to make my life better.
I know all I can do is try my best.

 

[Joan]

I am so sorry that it is such a struggle right now. Hoping that today has shown a little light your way even if only a brief glimpse. You are so supportive to others on this sight...that is something...that is an accomplishment.

 

[LuckiLee]

Glad you're feeling better today! You can't go anywhere. Who else around here would tell people what I want to tell them. This place wouldn't be the same without you.

Whenever you're in a bad place you always reach out to someone. That tells me somewhere in there you still have hope. And hope is a beautiful thing. It gets us to tomorrow. Get some rest and regroup. You're probably stressed from your trip which is normal. Yep. "normal".

Good night, Eve. Sweet dreams! ;)

 

[NightSky]

You’re awesome. You say what you mean. You don’t mince words. You’re caring yet fully genuine and honest. That’s what I gather from your posts.
I just left my 30s. (Moment of silence. I miss them already). And I can tell you I work with a lot of people way out of their 30s who can’t communicate like you do. I think you probably have a lot more to show for it than you think.

 

[Freida]

I know all I can do is try my best.

That's the most any of us can hope for -- for ourselves and for those around us....
Glad you are feeling better and so very proud of you for reaching out!

 

[Teasel]

So glad you do feel at least a little bit better @EveHarrington best to you X

 

[Scarlet13]

Hi @EveHarrington
I wanted to reply to your post to tell you that I have felt what you felt.
You are still so young!
I felt bad that I was not an artist, but I am doing little steps and my goals may be realized in my 40's, that's ok! I am turning 39 and this depresses me, but I still have a lot to do ahead of me.

I may get my MFA in my 40's and that would be great!

Here are some stories that helped me.
I met a woman who was in her 50's when I was a college student at an event.
She had a twinkle in her eye and spoke of a passionate relationship she was in at 53! She was so content that it had come into her life at that point.

My good friend from college recently got married at age 38. She just kept doing what interested her which was playing in an orchestra and she met him that way. She really struggled with depression.

My sister's co worker went back to school and literally became an anesthesiologist at age 55, because she realized that's really what she wanted to do.

So, sorry if these stories are a bit cliched, but you always respond to people with an open directness that is to the point and wise. You have a great mind.

You still have so much of your life to do great things and make a difference!
Btw, putting one foot in front of the other is where I start to crawl out of depression.

 

[EveHarrington]

Thank you!

Today was a good day, overall.

I’m moving forward with planning for my future. My community support person is only concerned that I’m trying to do too much at once, so I’m trying to figure out what I should work on first.

I need to keep reminding myself that I’m not like everyone else, and that’s ok. I had a major disorder strike and throw everything out of whack, so now I’m doing the best with what I’ve got.

I’m glad I can come here where people understand things that others don’t.

 

[Whirlwind]

Hi Eve!

I'm really glad to see that you are feeling better. I hope this comes across right but I've thought sometimes hitting the bottom or even my old trauma....the one good thing was that it made "good" seem so much brighter to me....little things feel like big ones...being able to buy a variety of food....I learned to ride a bike at 40. I love it... I feel like I am 12 every time I get on that old bike :) I only married once late in life...to a Narc, pretty sad as I choose to never remarry but on the other hand...I am kind of getting a kick out of my single hood. I was so strong earlier in life when I was unmarried.....feels like having myself back again.

I’m moving forward with planning for my future.

Good for you! Don't discount small goals or achievements, and I tend to "overbook" myself too so I am getting better at my lists. They're not shorter...but I prioritize now, LOL

Take good care and happy you are on the "upswing" ....happy to help push anytime :-)

Whirlwind

 

[whiteraven]

Ever think of all the ways a jump can go wrong?

... Nothing easy about that.

This was my first thought. I worked as charge nurse on a psych unit a long while ago and there was a woman who jumped and survived. It was really bad.

Thank you!

Today was a good day, overall.

I’m moving forward with planning for my future. My...

So glad you had a good day, Eve!

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm not sure @EveHarrington and JMReallyHO , but really all we can do is 'live'; in the time it takes to question things like who we didn't marry and such, I see friends divorce and re-marry multiple times. Not sure about you, but my heart especially could never withstand that. In wondering of careers, I find people reaching the pinacle and losing much joy and becoming very cynacle. Etc. Not all, of course, just the point of 'where we are at' ultimately becomes a bit secondary to 'who' and 'how' we are: how we view and treat life and others in it, and ourselves; what makes us 'tick', what is true to ourselves, finding our own passions, being engaged.

I really don't think in the long run fitting a mould is necessarily the source of happiness or fulfillment. Some people with little have great joy, some with much do not.

I think you will find and do great and unusual things and be filled with great joy because you are 'different'. Xox. :) :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

I just want to die.

I have so many bad days that it’s just not worth it anymore.