Struggling to find a reason to go on

[EveHarrington]

@NightSky

No, my ex boyfriend. He was a codependent fixer and tried to play therapist with me. He pushed therapeutic techniques on me. He was not a therapist himself (or anything close). He would get mad at me when I would resist his “help”.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My therapist said no more inner child stuff right now because I freaked out in therapy when she tried to get me in contact with my inner child. I told her how my ex used to push inner child stuff on me and I hated it. She now sees how much damage his “fixing” did and says we will have to get at the issues through other means.

I'm curious of what tactics he used. I'm not even sure how a lay person would do that anyway. What a shit thing to do!

I’m in my 30’s and I have nothing to show for it.

I can’t maintain relationships.

I can’t see living the rest of my life alone.

Having accomplished nothing.

Yep, right there with you on all of these points. I just turned 37. No husband or boyfriend. No kids. No family that speak to me. Completely alone...except for my service dog which has given me a bit of purpose but still. No humans, which sucks. But, I know deep down that these asshole family members would be heartbroken if I died. Even though they can't show it now. I know, deep down, they care. They just don't know how to deal with mental illness. Most can't. Most don't get it. They can't get it. It's like asking someone in France to know how America is, how to speak English, what our culture is, etc. How can they if they've never been here? You know?

I get it though. I'm right there with you.

What about CSA groups? Or groups of any kind? You can meet people there.

Me, I'm trying to redefine myself which gives me purpose without the need of people. But I'm finding that's a super slow process. I have found that finding some hobbies and things you are good at (like those cool drawings you were doing which was awesome) and indulging in them helps. As does sitting outside in nature and just sitting there silently watching nature.

Anyway, I get it. Wish I could be of more help.

 

[ILoveLife]

Hope you're feeling better, Eve.

I know we're not supposed to feel this way, but I do think it's a valid feeling too. In the sense of feeling, but not acting. It's an unhealthy coping mechanism, to run away and not deal at all - to go to darkness. And you have the tools to turn it into a healthy coping mechanism if you want, and when you're ready.

Inner child work is really hard, remember about being compassionate with your parts to unblend. :)

Hugs

 

[Whirlwind]

have the tools to turn it into a healthy coping mechanism......being compassionate with your parts to unblend

I know I was hindered due to activation of old yuck...and very real aka practical issues. For me the two were intrinsically related and tackling the practical radically improved my sense of being. A side benefit I did not necessarily expect. For awhile I just "kicked stones over" and one resonated...then another. Like a ladder starting to form so I could climb out of the rabbit hole. I have a picture on my wall I stumbled across just after that time. Its very special and reminds me of that time and that I made it out.

Any idea of a "stone" in your world that might help shift the tide? Just a thought.

Best wishes,

Whirlwind