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Childhood Struggling with what happened

SunnyWeather

Learning
Hi,
I remember going to the doctor as a child, only months after the trauma (not all of it) took place, for a diagnosis. I had several sessions with a doctor to examine whether I had PTSD or not. During these sessions my abusive mother would lie about how bad my symptoms were and how much I was suffering. I remember both of my abusers forcing me to go along with not talking about my trauma. I remember being blamed for the costs of healthcare, and being bullied by my sister for showing symptoms. I was traumatized because I had been sexually abused by my grandmother and was in a car accident. I never received any help for it from the people who should have taken care of me. The only thing they made me experience was more violence, more shame, more guilt, more fear. I am filled to the brim with anger right now. I can't believe that this f*cking shit happened to me. I want to scream and punch a hole in the wall. Can anyone relate to this? I feel insane.
 
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I'm sorry your family was so violent. I come from violence too, but it isn't discussed. Nor is my PTSD. I understand where you're coming from, but I haven't come out of the fear part to be angry yet. Maybe next lifetime, lol.
Mine is never discussed, they act like it never happened. I have had my share of anger issues, and have mostly let that go (through years of various gentling exercises). It really does teach you what matters and how NOT to act.
 
I'm sorry your family was so violent. I come from violence too, but it isn't discussed. Nor is my PTSD. I understand where you're coming from, but I haven't come out of the fear part to be angry yet. Maybe next lifetime, lol.
I am sorry your family was violent. Your spirit will get where it was meant to be, in this lifetime or the next. 🤗

Caroline
 
Yes, I can relate. Decades of violence and neglect and I am still the black sheep.
I am sorry to hear that. You are not alone.

Mine is never discussed, they act like it never happened. I have had my share of anger issues, and have mostly let that go (through years of various gentling exercises). It really does teach you what matters and how NOT to act.
Still working on my anger. There is a lot of it. If you have the time, I would love to hear about some of the exercises you have used.

I'm sorry your family was so violent. I come from violence too, but it isn't discussed. Nor is my PTSD.
I am certain that more people in my family were beaten in their youth than were not...and yet violence is never talked about here either. Although I had no idea as a child, it is clear to me now that both of my parents also have PTSD. It does not excuse any of the abuse I suffered, but it does make it a bit easier to undertstand how things could go wrong so fast.

I understand where you're coming from, but I haven't come out of the fear part to be angry yet. Maybe next lifetime, lol.
I think that anger can be terrifying and overwhelming, especially if you have plenty of bad examples from childhood of what it can lead to. It does not matter when you get there, you'll get there.
 
I am sorry to hear that. You are not alone.


Still working on my anger. There is a lot of it. If you have the time, I would love to hear about some of the exercises you have used.
Journaling is the oldest. Lots of writing, over time it has gotten less furious.

I have done therapy, which has helped. EMDR was major.

Also, a lot of failure over and over has redirected me.

Long hikes alone.

And kind people. Reading, self-help books, energy healing, crystals, pets (who I trust implicitly.)

Meditation, which clicked after it didn't for a long time.

Dance is really helping me right now. Using my body.
I am certain that more people in my family were beaten in their youth than were not...and yet violence is never talked about here either. Although I had no idea as a child, it is clear to me now that both of my parents also have PTSD. It does not excuse any of the abuse I suffered, but it does make it a bit easier to undertstand how things could go wrong so fast.


I think that anger can be terrifying and overwhelming, especially if you have plenty of bad examples from childhood of what it can lead to. It does not matter when you get there, you'll get there.
 
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