Stuck In A Flashback During EMDR

[Lucycat]

It was horrific!!
There are other threads that go into the detail of EMDR so I won't repeat it here. But essentially I am asked to get an image in my mind relating to the memory, and the have a series of alternating 'beeps' in my ears through headphones. My T does not use eye movements, although it is still called EMDR. I then have to share the thoughts that this brings up. As the session progresses the 'power' of the image becomes much less until it really feels like it does not matter any more.

Sounds easy?

This time I got stuck with really feeling like I was back there. Not just the physical feelings of abuse, but the feeling of terror and just wanting to die. I could not shake off the feelings and we were going round in circles without resolution. My T added some safety mechanism into the image so that I could leave 'me' in the image but safe. However I kept getting pulled back to the image and to the past.

As this memory is from when I was about 10 years old, I ended up spending the week like a child. I found I could not do normal stuff like cook the dinner. After all as a 10 year old would not have been able to. I certainly could not go to work as I had absolutely zero confidence in my ability to do what I normally do every day.

It is related in theory to the REM of sleep when you process memories.

 

[KP the nut]

I have also been stuck, but my trusted T, spent time sitting with me and trying different ways to bring me back. It is very tough but I stayed with EMDR and today I have cleared a second target. :D

I believe the key is to have a T in whom you can trust. One who is well trained and confident in the technique. It has made a huge difference to me, I am beginning to feel like the old pre accident me. It has however brought up some childhood issues and I need to see my GP to be re referred for therapy for that.

I'm pleased you are sticking with it Lucy. It is easy after a really tough session to give up, at one point my T gave me that option and I didn't take it. That is the other thing, T gives me the option, tells me it is my choice as if I am in control.

 

[Smudger12]

I have wanted to read through a forum on EMDR for a little while I am on my session 13 of EMDR.

I am doing memories from around 12 years ago, I often disassociate when in therapy however, my theopist is very good and is very adaptable in helping me come back round, when I disassociate.

I often act how I would as an intimidated 5year old child, hunched over and spaced out. Is this common?

As much as EMDR can make me feel terrible, it is the best thing I have ever done and would recommend it to anyone.

 

[KP the nut]

I have just finished another EMDR session and cleared another target. The sessions have been really hard at times, I've been disassociated, caught in flashbacks, numb with fear and/or shock, sobbing and crying. But I've stuck it through.

We then looked at the next session and the last target we will work on together. T noticed my face, I know it will not be pleasant. Again he told me it was my choice, I could call a halt and not do it. He always ensures it is my choice and I don't feel forced.

Backing off for me was not an option. Before we started todays session, T and I discussed where I am now. T even commented about how upbeat I seemed today. I told him that at last I had started to believe his advice and follow it. OK after he picked himself off the floor with shock:roflmao:. I explained.

I had 2 choices, I could either continue to beat myself up over everything which has happened or I can begin to be kind to myself, to allow myself time and not to be super woman. I am not cured, I never will be but I can take control and manage how I feel. Will it last? I don't know, but for now it is enough.

EMDR has got me to the stage where I am in control. I cannot thank or praise my T enough.

 

[Lucycat]

I do so like to hear good things about EMDR! I am soon to start another round. I have no idea how many sessions it will be. Before it was just a matter of 'let's see how it goes'. If there is an identifiable target then we go with it. If not then we have a talking session until the next target presents itself.

Like both of you Smudger and KP, I find it very hard and really do not look forward to it, but I feel the difference in me. That is what makes it so worthwhile. I would like to be go out and promote EMDR to the world, but I cannot even tell my colleagues about it, without admitting I need it! I do hear that it is not a respected technique in all Mental Health circles, which is such a shame. So many people have never heard of it. But it is reccomended treatment for PTSD by NICE, the English National Institute for Clinical Excellence. That should count for something in the UK at least.

 

[KP the nut]

That should count for something in the UK at least.

I am in England, Shropshire. My T is well trained and attends updated training every month and conferences. I have no hang ups about telling people I'm in therapy and undergoing EMDR, if they don't understand or have a problem with it than that is there issue not mine.

Everytime I read on the forum about different EMDR/therapy sessions I realise how lucky I am to the found a NHS therapist who is well trained in trauma therapy.

 

[Lucycat]

I think it is great that you can share the good word about EMDR.
I too have a great NHS, EMDR trained therapist. However it is on his advice that I have not shared my worries, history, therapy and trauma very much. I work in the NHS, and they are a surprisingly unkind bunch. We are expected to get on with it, and keep personal problems out of work.

Maybe one day the stigma will end.

 

[angel2write]

This is actually my major fear about starting EMDR. That I will get stuck.

Have had my husband with me during flashbacks. And I know that if I can just start talking to him about what I'm seeing, it will start to ease up. But every time I try to say something, it loops and grabs me. I can't get out.

I'm afraid that the slight distractions of the EMDR method are going to trigger me, too, since my main trauma involved multiple rapists at once and the feeling of being "overstimulated" or "overtouched." I'm afraid the distracting nature of the EMDR therapy is going to remind me of the distracting nature of being abused by multiple people at the same time... and I'm going to flash hard and not be able to get out.

 

[ClairBear226]

Glad to hear it's going well. I had an incident where I kind of got "stuck". I don't think the term, "EMDR" was even in use back then (1993), but it freaked me out badly enough that I wouldn't go back to a therapist. Still haven't. It took a lot of courage to go back. Good for you. You're stronger than you know.