Sudden Intense Fear Of Everything

[Smile]

My day was going fine and then out of the blue I had this sudden feeling of being petrified. It was so forceful that I just stopped in my tracks. I immediately tried to think of what was scaring me and I just felt petrified by it all. Being an adult and really understanding that no one can help me. Having to take care of myself. I mean, these are all things i think about but now it's just immobilizing.

Yes, it could be that subconsciously I'm nervous about going to a new T tomorrow or going on a (very relaxed and laid back) job interview. But consciously I wasn't more than a bit nervous about those things.

Does this ever happen to you? Can anyone put a name to it or help explain it's origins?

It's the same fear I used to have as a child. I would only ever sleep with my back to the wall for fear of someone attacking me from behind. That's the exact same petrified feeling. As though my spine is exposed.

 

[lonelyshadow]

I feel jittery or petrified on a regular basis, even in my own home, for no apparent reason. It could be related to particular sensitivity to ambient sounds like motorbikes which set me on edge. I get agoraphobic. For me, the feeling is usually a precursor or an indication that I am more susceptible to having a panic attack or anxiety attack around that time. I have to consciously try to "dull" it down which usually means I go a bit brain dead and forget what I was in the middle of doing, start doing strange/harmful things like picking at my cuticles/doing makeup/making so many cups of tea one after the other, etc. I go a bit numb in the head? This makes me sound OCD, but I'm fairly sure it's not. It's more of a minor tangent of my PTSD.

I was a fearful/teary child growing up, I slept with my back to the wall in bed too. At night I was always listening out for my abusive alcoholic father arriving home once in a blue moon... During the day I was listening for my mothers hateful comments...

For me, this feeling seems to be stem from my childhood and feeling unprotected, not having any shelter or comfort, no control over my own safety etc. Sometimes I get the fearful feeling when I think about my future. Underneath it all I feel gut wrenchingly lonely and lost all the time. The thought of going on like this for years to come makes me weep like the pathetic child I once was (still am?).

It's all tangled up beneath the surface. You're right, "realizing nobody can help me", "it's immobilizing". Spot on.

 

[shimmerz]

@Smile, for me it is usually a background noise feeling that is warning me that as @lonelyshadow suggested, is a precursor to something that is coming up that is triggering that 'I am all alone' feeling as you so aptly described it. It sounds like you already have a sense of what the root cause of it is.

It's the same fear I used to have as a child. I would only ever sleep with my back to the wall for fear of someone attacking me from behind. That's the exact same petrified feeling. As though my spine is exposed.

Oddly enough, I sleep with my abdomen protected as I have a fear of someone approaching me from the side or front. However when I am in a crowd I can definitely feel my back needing protection. Were you in a place that was different from normal when you had this feeling? With someone you didn't trust? Or perhaps the new T is someone you feel you may have to expose yourself to and there is concern there with judgement etc?

So quick answer, yes, I do feel those things you describe - quite often. I will think of you and wish you all the best tomorrow.

 

[Smile]

Thank you @lonelyshadow! I didn't vocalize it but the precursor thing you mentioned is exactly what I did. Even though it was a bit too early for bed, I took my meds and huddled in my bed until the panic attack subsided.

@shimmerz, you are wise and perceptive. Thanks for telling me that I might actually understand more than I realize :) and thanks for the thoughts, heading into T now...

Good news is the interview is over, went well and is a relaxed job that I feel able to take on. You guys are the best!

 

[lonelyshadow]

Well done on your interview @Smile, I wish you all the best in your new job :)

I'm glad we could relate our experiences. I just read back through my comment and I do seem to come across as rather blunt and cold (which is not my intent) so I'm also glad it didn't seem to offend anyone (apologies if it did).

I hope your new T is nice and helpful too.

 

[Smile]

@lonelyshadow, not at all! I thought your comment was empathetic, understanding and helpful!