DID Suddenly alone

[Punky143]

My whole life I've always had my parts whether I knew about them or not. They are who I'm made up of. Sometimes they might feel like a lot to handle but their my family. That being said, due to the highest level part, the rest 15+ have gone away and are hiding. The highest we call "Evil" has control over every one of them and is the part who has strong suicidal thoughts. I am highly distressed over some pretty big things in my life one of them being thoughts of leaving my marriage of 24 years. Life changing thoughts come with that. This has led them to hide and I know their hiding but they are far away and I miss them and feel hollow. This may sound very strange to other people reading this. I've tried communicating with them and I know a couple who come and go yet feel so far away. I don't know who I am because this has never happened. When the outside world is chaotic and overwhelming I've always had them to rely on but now I have no one. I'm scared and sad. Am I the only one out there that this has happened to? I sit alone at night and just cry wishing that they were still here

 

[The Hamilton Sys]

This has happened to us too. I was able to get in contact with the alter that was doing this to us and reasoned with him as to why what he was doing was bad, and how this can stop us from healing. I would try to talk with him. - Rusty

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

We are currently in a space where everyone is just ... gone. I don't know where they are or where they went. But we aren't aware of them.

Except that they seem to still be there. We can feel their effects, like complete shutdown from dissociation, or the young impulses to eat cupcakes, or other stuff like that. When I feel so very alone and without history, I try to remember that they are still there.

It's hard. I know.

 

[Friday]

I don’t have DID.

I HAVE? Lost my damn mind.

In a few different ways, a few different times.

Not being ME??? Not able to think what I think, the way I think it? Not knowing what I know, feeling what I feel, seeing what I see, hearing what I hear, acting as I act… but… being WRONG? Missing something. Missing myself. Still here, but not?

It’s a gaping void. Of everything that’s wrong.

Needs fixing.

 

[beaneeboo]

My whole life I've always had my parts whether I knew about them or not. They are who I'm made up of. Sometimes they might feel like a lot to handle but their my family. That being said, due to the highest level part, the rest 15+ have gone away and are hiding. The highest we call "Evil" has control over every one of them and is the part who has strong suicidal thoughts. I am highly distressed over some pretty big things in my life one of them being thoughts of leaving my marriage of 24 years. Life changing thoughts come with that. This has led them to hide and I know their hiding but they are far away and I miss them and feel hollow. This may sound very strange to other people reading this. I've tried communicating with them and I know a couple who come and go yet feel so far away. I don't know who I am because this has never happened. When the outside world is chaotic and overwhelming I've always had them to rely on but now I have no one. I'm scared and sad. Am I the only one out there that this has happened to? I sit alone at night and just cry wishing that they were still here

That does sound scary and sad. I don't think they have gone though which means someone somewhere knows more than you and is managing things but keeping you out. Perhaps you can ask whoever it is to come forward and just share your concerns. Or say you want to hear theirs because there may be another way to manage what they are worried about in a way which doesn't cut you off from everyone. And whereby the others can find an alternative than going into hiding.

Have you got a T?

 

[Punky143]

That does sound scary and sad. I don't think they have gone though which means someone somewhere knows more than you and is managing things but keeping you out. Perhaps you can ask whoever it is to come forward and just share your concerns. Or say you want to hear theirs because there may be another way to manage what they are worried about in a way which doesn't cut you off from everyone. And whereby the others can find an alternative than going into hiding.

Have you got a T?

Yes, I have a therapist whom I see 2x a week and she knows what's going on. I can continue to try and ask the parts to let me know if at least one wants to be brave, and speak to me, even if it's for a short time. I don't feel right and so lost. They were my everything