Suicidal Ideation, I Hate It!

[loui50]

I have started having thoughts about suicide again. I have no idea why. This roller coaster sucks. I'm great for a few weeks then down again. I think a lot about the two times I almost went through with it and wonder what the world would be like without me. Some times I wish I could just disappear, as if I never existed. I have no plans to do it now, I just don't want to even think about it. I have children that need me. Why does it creep in on me like this? How do I make it stop? I get triggered sometimes by knives and they are triggering again right now. Last time this happened I confided in T and things got better. But she cancelled on me this week and I don't see her for a week. How do you make the thoughts stop.

 

[ladee]

I can relate to the depression coming out of nowhere.
I was in therapy and wrote my T a letter that I read to her.
It was about what depression felt like..that even when things were good I could feel it creeping up my back into my head.
In that letter I said that I knew I had a lot to work on. But this felt different.
I told her there was something wrong with my brain..not my mind.
Her light came on. I saw it in the expression on her face.
An appt was set up with the Proc and I was put on antidepressants.
I started feeling better.
There are no magic pills. There were still things that I had to work thru. But I wasn't wanting to kill myself anymore.
I hope you find solutions that keep you from making permanent solutions to temporary problems.
Wishing you success!

 

[loui50]

I can relate to the depression coming out of nowhere.
I was in therapy and wrote my T a letter that I rea...

Thanks. I take meds. Without the meds I would be be much worse off. I am working through a lot that has to do with my childhood (not my trauma). It has been a tough road. T has been instrumental in keeping me safe. The more I think about it the more I think her canceling this week is what threw me, even though it was 2 days after she cancelled that I went down hill.

I just hate even thinking about suicide. It makes me feel crazy.

 

[ladee]

Find as many distractions as you can.
Walking, music, dancing, coloring. A shower. A funny movie. Any thing that will distract your thinking.
Sending gentle hugs for your insight as to what brought this on

 

[Twilight]

I have started having thoughts about suicide again. I have no idea why. This roller coaster sucks. I'...

I have struggled with suicidal thoughts off and on in my life. In theory, I do no believe in suicide. I think it is wrong. But then the temptation comes....

What works for me is to say out loud, "I refuse to listen to these thoughts. I choose life." And then refuse to engage any more thoughts that come. Kind of like any addiction, just say "no" and refuse to go there. This sounds simplisitic, but it works for me. I also had to (and still am) having therapy to overcome my inner feelings of shame, rejection, abandonment, worthlessness, etc, that all come with a history of abuse. I am replacing the bad with the good of acceptance, love, peace, joy. It is hard work, but well worth it.

 

[Ilandria]

Suicidal thoughts occur to me all the time. For me, fighting them and trying to ignore them doesn't work. I entertain them. I do not go as far as making a plan. THAT would be a danger sign for me. I've been there, and know the number to call to get immediate help.

I consider the ramifications. What would the world be like? How would my children respond? What would my lack of contribution mean to the world? Frequently, answering these questions doesn't give me any incredible insights.

But accepting that this is a part of me, and a part of my life, helps me. I have been to this place. I will be in this place again. I don't need to stay here, but I do need to know the lay of the land, and the roads in and out.

 

[Tinyflame]

If I asked myself those kinds of questions I'd feel even more inclined to kill myself. (Just me.)

 

[ibgrace]

I start making stories in my head and play them out like I'm acting in a movie or participating in a situation with someone else...Usually it is a story of being in a cave camping out away from every thing and every one during a zombie apocolpsye..Crazy I know but it works and I usually fall asleep half way through