Suicidal Thoughts, Depression, And Police

[RussH]

but I feel guilty for contacting them so much. I feel like I am taking resources away from others who might need it.

Please don''t feel guilty about contacting your support system people. They are there for that very reason, and you are not taking help from others; you are the one that needs their help now.

I know right now things seem overwhelming now, and the thought of ending it all can be enticing, but life is worth fighting for. When you continue to fight, to win your life back, you are also sending a message to your uncle that he has not beaten you. Please survive this trauma, and later use your experience to help others survive similar traumas.

 

[mytai]

@RussH, I will try not to feel guilty. I will definitely need their support a lot over the next few weeks. My T has pulled back from emailing with me in-between sessions. She hasn't told me not to do it, but she rarely responds now and chooses to address it in person, or tells me to contact resources better suited to help me in my crisis. So in a way she has told me that the email thing isn't working, it's good if I need to relay info prior to our session but not if I'm seeking her help.

I have my psych appointment in a little over an hour. Nervous about that, especially since a lot of psychiatrists in that hospital seem to be males. I know the entire male gender is not bad, but I am very nervous and almost scared of men right now, especially being alone with them. I've gotten better about speaking up for myself in the last few days/week so if it turns out to be a male psychiatrist I will ask for a female nurse to be present.

Tomorrow is the appointment with my T, I will bring up the thoughts of reporting with her tomorrow, and also ask if she can get in touch with her friend in the police force to answer a few of my questions.

 

[RussH]

I am very nervous and almost scared of men right now, especially being alone with them. I've gotten better about speaking up for myself in the last few days/week so if it turns out to be a male psychiatrist I will ask for a female nurse to be present.

Mytai, it is perfectly understandable that you would be scared of being alone with a male, especially one you do not know, and it is absolutely appropriate for you to ask that a female nurse be present. I would think the psych. would understand that and agree to it.

I will pray for you as you go to your appointment. I do pray you find your healing and find peace.

 

[macca]

You have achieved a lot recently. Great going that you feel able to ask for a female nurse to be there - that's so good. Keep going Mytai, you're doing some important things.

 

[mytai]

@RussH and @macca, I didn't end up asking for a nurse to come in even though it was a male psych Dr. Not that I wasn't wary or nervous of being in his office, but I got a high (lack of better description) as I walked into his office and talked really fast and got out really fast.

Long story short he is putting me back on Cipralex (lower dosage than I was last on) because it was effective, and I don't have to pay for it (bonus with no drug plan). We briefly talked about going on sleep medication but they don't currently have assistance for it, and he thinks it might shock my system going back onto Cipralex and taking sleep meds. So I have another appointment in 3 weeks with him and we will see then whether I still need sleep meds.

Hopefully my body and mind get tired enough and sleep on their own before then. Can't go 3 weeks without sleep.

Tomorrow is T appointment. Didn't call the SA nurses last night, but I think I will today, not sure. Ugh. I'm very confused and very out of it right now. Might be a little bit "high" from no sleep again. Talking really fast, thinking really fast... nothing is slow in my head right now.

 

[ms spock]

I will try not to feel guilty. I will definitely need their support a lot over the next few weeks. So in a way she has told me that the email thing isn't working, it's good if I need to relay info prior to our session but not if I'm seeking her help.

But it is good as she is thinking about linking you up to the other services. This is thoughtful and caring on her behalf. It is also making sure that you have back up attachments.

I've gotten better about speaking up for myself in the last few days/week so if it turns out to be a male psychiatrist I will ask for a female nurse to be present.

That is a good strategy. That is great you are planning assertive and reasonable solutions to your predicament of being scared of men at this time.

Tomorrow is the appointment with my T, I will bring up the thoughts of reporting with her tomorrow, and also ask if she can get in touch with her friend in the police force to answer a few of my questions.

Really work on stabilising and nurturing yourself first. Make sure you will be safe is my suggestion. But of course you know best what you need to do.

 

[mytai]

Really work on stabilising and nurturing yourself first. Make sure you will be safe is my suggestion. But of course you know best what you need to do.

I talked to my T yesterday about reporting, she said she is supportive either way. She wants to make sure that I am ok to do it, but she also says how important it is that I do whatever I can to stop the abuse. I didn't end up asking her to talk to her friend in the police force because she suggested that I deal with the police through the sexual assault treatment centre I'm connected with now. Mainly for the reason that they deal with this way more often then she ever does.

So I will be calling the centre this morning once they open in the next 20 minutes or so, and I'm going to see if I can pop in today to talk to someone there about the process and having support present, etc.

 

[HelenB]

I am so glad she was so supportive of you whatever you decide and really hope you are able to get the support you need from the centre and feel that you are doing so well to be working through so much and looking into and considering all this.

God bless
Helen

 

[Echo]

It is great to have all the facts at your fingertips. Hope it goes well. Yes, stopping the abuse in whatever way it takes - let's hope the police act firmly this time. And that you feel safe throughout the process.

 

[mytai]

So I called the SA centre about an hour ago, they said I can come in this afternoon to talk to someone. I don't know what I'm so nervous about, but I am.

 

[HelenB]

It is no surprise that you are nervous but you are doing so well and I am praying for strength and courage for you.
God bless
Helen

 

[Echo]

Thinking about you and sending you support from a distance. Hopefully, you are taking yet another step towards freedom.