Suicide Consumes My Thoughts

[ssw]

Hi there I wanted you to know that you aren't alone and many people feel suicidal depression. I strongly believe that st...

And thank you as well... It is comforting knowing I'm not the only one. You certainly feel like it.
My loved ones are the only reason too. My mom. My dad.

I wonder why we are like this?

 

[Tinyflame]

I know why I am but it doesn't have to do with depression in my case.

 

[mamachick]

Others have said it all, more than I can say. I relate to what you are feeling too and know everyday can be a challenge.

One thing you did say is "I dont really want to die" and I understand that, you just want an escape, change, happiness. We either want to avoid something such as pain or need something such as love and acceptance. As others have said, dont give up before the miracle.

 

[ssw]

I know why I am but it doesn't have to do with depression in my case.

I hope you find peace, junebug

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @ssw . For you as well xox.

 

[StellaBlue]

@ladee - it's amazing the similarities between what you wrote and what I experienced.

@ssw - I'm not sure exactly what or why or how, but after years and years of suicide ideation, it has lifted. I think that one thing that helped shift it was radically accepting that it was there, that it might always be there, and instead of fighting it all of the time, just recognizing that it was there...like "oh, hi there, I know you're there, I see you and it's ok".

Of all my symptoms, suicide ideation was the one that hung on the longest. I can still sense it in the shadows sometimes - especially when I'm stressed or overwhelmed - but now, I recognize it and acknowledge it as an old coping mechanism that I don't really need anymore.