Relationship Supporters ---- what do i do when it's time to be angry?

[Freida]

If you know you are behaving badly,

I think this was the part I needed help with. If I DON'T know that I'm behaving badly its ok to let my supporters tell me and then some good suggestions on what to do next. It is so hard not to just bail on them because that has always been my go to. To me that seems like the kindest thing to do for all of us - but I guess it's really not?.
LOL - look supporters! You taught me to think before running! Kudos to all y'all!:):):):):hug::hug:

 

[Sweetpea76]

Or how about letting your supporters know it's OK to escape if you're being a bitch @Freida? Being a bitch is a subjective thing. You probably aren't bothering your supporters nearly as much as you think you are. Yes, even if you are snarky or in a mood. Telling your supporters that it's not their fault, and it's OK for THEM to retreat would be good. I'm usually the one who shuts it down with my vet, because when he gets going, there is no flight, it's all fight. The flight comes later.

 

[Mach123]

I think this was the part I needed help with. If I DON'T know that I'm behaving badly its ok to let my s...

I know I have to be so careful with the people I need. I am afraid to talk to people because I get in a "frame of mind" and I don't realize it. Then I think I'm just talking to them but I'm not. Then they don't want to talk to me anymore. This is scary and I see it a little more but mostly I avoid people whenever I can.

 

[LuckiLee]

Tell me you're in a bad mood and like Sweetpea said let ME retreat if I need to. When he gets pissy he can antagonize me looking for a fight. I try to leave the situation and says I'm ignoring him. (can't ignore a 1st Sergeant)

Something happened this week... He had a bad night and woke up b*tching. Nothing unusual there. I couldn't leave for work quick enough. But he called me on my way to work crying. Said when he's like that he just needs someone there to talk to and help him through it. Ugh! It broke my heart to hear that.

It's a work in progress.

Thanks for asking this question @Freida. Let us know what you and hubby come up with.
XO

 

[Freida]

Telling your supporters that it's not their fault, and it's OK for THEM to retreat would be good.

Tell me you're in a bad mood and like Sweetpea said let ME retreat if I need to

so yea.....would you believe that didn't even occur to me? for.the.love.of.god. I'm almost afraid to say it to hubby because I'm pretty sure he's gonna give me THAT look and say, 'well duh. of course that would work better than you taking off." :banghead::shifty::joyful::roflmao:
Sometimes I wonder who is happier I'm on this site -- me or them.

Then I think I'm just talking to them but I'm not. Then they don't want to talk to me anymore.

\
yep - been there. I've either said something wrong, gotten down the wrong track, gotten bitchy, whatever - then poof! Off they go.
And I'm left standing thinking...What just happened??? I think for me that's where the running came from. They are going to bail on me anyway so I may as well go first. Which I have noticed REALLY pisses off those who have stuck around. :wideeyed:

@LuckiLee Poor J.... He is so lucky to have you and he better be sending you flowers!

 

[OrangeJulius]

Loving this thread. I love how open you are with us @Freida. You give me hope that one day my honey will see things differently and make plans ahead of time like this.

I love all the ideas that have come up. And i would be fine with running too.....sorta. I'd have to hear @Hojay's suggestion of "its not you its not you its not you" and i would need to know where you are, that youre safe at least once per day, and a quick progress report "today was worse than yesterday" "i saw a glimmer of light and then it disappeared and everything got worse". But i suspect that ruins part of the fun.

If that can't be done....which i completely understand why its hard..... I would much rather my honey be home where I can see that he's safe without him having to do anything....even if that means I get caught in the crossfire sometimes. Then i can retreat and do my thing til its time to check on him again.


.....but my honey is not a runner. So this is me guessing about what would be ok with me.

 

[Mytime]

I think good communication is key. Letting you supporter know what my be coming. Understand what you both need. Instead of you guessing what your supporter feels or you feel. Voice it to each other. Have a plan. If your supporter feels he needs space, he takes it. You can be angry and you can bitch. It’s your hubby’s choice, what he will listen to and when he’s had enough.
There’s a big difference between bitching about things and life. It becomes a different story, when it’s name calling or projecting blame.
One good thing to communicate is, you don’t want him to fix it, you just want him to listen when you need to let it out.

Good video on YouTube called, “ It’s not about the nail”

 

[Freida]

Good video on YouTube called,

How funny -- I've seen this!!! We used it when I was on the peer support team. And yep. I need to bookmark it again.

So this is me guessing about what would be ok with me.

I'll take it!