For those that don't know what Survival Sex is here is a link to give a brief idea of what it means: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survival_sex
I'm not proud, I'm scared, but I'm also desperate. Some of you are familiar with my past from previous posts a year ago or so, and some more recent events. I lost a high paying job due to an assault, as a result I lost my car. I'm currently trying to catch up on months of delinquent bills as a result of the job loss. I got a call today from the bank who my car loan was through, apparently I was misinformed from the "repo" guy. My car loan was not taken car of because my car was repossessed, only the amount they sold my car for was paid off. I have a HUGE amount to pay back now, on top of all my regular bills and other bills I'm paying down. Two things went through my mind, I went instantly to suicidal mode because HOW am I supposed to live (pay normal everyday bills, rent, hydro, etc.) plus pay down bills I was aware of, and pay off this new amount that was brought to my attention? Next thing that went through my head is, I'm going to have to sell my body to bring this down to a manageable amount. There is an escort agency in my city - I applied to them, I'm not proud of it... very ashamed that I did this. I did this in hopes of having a "safer" way to sell myself through their protection. In the end, if they don't "hire" me I will have to resort to doing it myself and hope I don't get hurt.
I'm scared that they won't hire me because of the scars on my body. Who wants to pay an escort service for damaged goods? I have scars on my arm (one very prominent one), and at least one more unsightly scar that was done to me. Hoping they contact me to hire me so I have protection through them, sounds stupid for me to say this but they provide health benefits and condos to their "girls" so they aren't doing it out of their private residence. They also have strict rules for paying clients, and they don't post their girls faces on the website, or any distinguishing tattoos/birthmarks on the website to protect the girls privacy.
I can't tell T that this is what I think I need to do to recover from the financial loss I am going through/went through. It is survival sex, if I can't keep up on bills I will lose my housing, my credit will be further ruined, I won't be able to go to school to get a higher paying job that isn't in this industry. I have cut my expenses as much as humanly possible without starving myself.
Is there anyone on here that is going through this right now, or has done this in the past? I'm looking to hear from others who have needed to resort to this, or who are currently doing this to survive. I just want to have a discussion about it. Is there anyone out there or am I the only one? How did you feel/how do you feel?
I'm not proud, I'm scared, but I'm also desperate. Some of you are familiar with my past from previous posts a year ago or so, and some more recent events. I lost a high paying job due to an assault, as a result I lost my car. I'm currently trying to catch up on months of delinquent bills as a result of the job loss. I got a call today from the bank who my car loan was through, apparently I was misinformed from the "repo" guy. My car loan was not taken car of because my car was repossessed, only the amount they sold my car for was paid off. I have a HUGE amount to pay back now, on top of all my regular bills and other bills I'm paying down. Two things went through my mind, I went instantly to suicidal mode because HOW am I supposed to live (pay normal everyday bills, rent, hydro, etc.) plus pay down bills I was aware of, and pay off this new amount that was brought to my attention? Next thing that went through my head is, I'm going to have to sell my body to bring this down to a manageable amount. There is an escort agency in my city - I applied to them, I'm not proud of it... very ashamed that I did this. I did this in hopes of having a "safer" way to sell myself through their protection. In the end, if they don't "hire" me I will have to resort to doing it myself and hope I don't get hurt.
I'm scared that they won't hire me because of the scars on my body. Who wants to pay an escort service for damaged goods? I have scars on my arm (one very prominent one), and at least one more unsightly scar that was done to me. Hoping they contact me to hire me so I have protection through them, sounds stupid for me to say this but they provide health benefits and condos to their "girls" so they aren't doing it out of their private residence. They also have strict rules for paying clients, and they don't post their girls faces on the website, or any distinguishing tattoos/birthmarks on the website to protect the girls privacy.
I can't tell T that this is what I think I need to do to recover from the financial loss I am going through/went through. It is survival sex, if I can't keep up on bills I will lose my housing, my credit will be further ruined, I won't be able to go to school to get a higher paying job that isn't in this industry. I have cut my expenses as much as humanly possible without starving myself.
Is there anyone on here that is going through this right now, or has done this in the past? I'm looking to hear from others who have needed to resort to this, or who are currently doing this to survive. I just want to have a discussion about it. Is there anyone out there or am I the only one? How did you feel/how do you feel?