Survived Deposition

[mamachick]

Gloria-this goes along with your position at the moment. Your doing the right thing. And, You cannot fake the MMPI-it has a fake factor-not that you are trying-but what I am saying is that they cannot label you what you are not either and that is good.
Just remember that you are doing this for the good of all-stay strong for all of us that did not have a voice- and just answer honestley and dont even try to figure the test out. You will be fine. Hugs... and I will be thinking of you. Good luck... The Brat

 

[Gloria]

Thanks, Brat. I did take a sample test and it showed I am honest. I started to think about honesty. I went to AA for years and I didn't have an drinking problem. I was married to an alcoholic and he suggested that I might look into if I also had a drinking problem so I went to an AA meeting and just found it to be like a really good support group and it was okay if I didn't have a drinking problem because it was better to join AA and not need it than to not join AA. It was a good program - until I started to realize that my biggest problem was my Alcoholic father and being around recovering alcoholics that weren't healthy triggered my problems so I quit but I still don't drink and I got to ACOA meetings. But even ACOA meetings don't quite do it for me. Some of the people have dependant or histrionic personality disorders (in my opinion) and have this victim mentality that angers me because I can't afford to see myself as a victim. Also in AA, people stuck together and returned phone calls but ACOA people always seem to be having a crisis of their own and weren't there for me. So until I found this site, I was not able to really understand what PTSD was and it helps me so much (especially you Brat) to find someone who has had similar traumas.

My doctor says that if I continue to see her for two years that I should have this PTSD incident behind me.

My fear is that this guy is going to label me bi-polar or something and I have worked so hard to see myself as a sane person with PTSD.

 

[The Albatross]

Sending you warm thoughts and wishes... you named your fear. Is there anything you can do (stress reduction, pain control, nutrition, rest, etc) that will cast you in the best possible light? Center down before you see him and all you can do is the best you can do.

 

[Gloria]

My lawyer is going to prepare me tomorrow. Like Brat said that test is fool proof. It has factors for faking good or bad and lying so all I can do is be honest. I am pretty grounded and listenting to music. Unfortunately, my therapist is going to be on vacation all next week but she said that I could call her at home. But unless I am really stressed out, I am not going to do that. Like everyone says, it's almost over. I cannot see how I would not win some kind of settlement since it is proven that they didn't follow regulations. So just want to put this behind me. I did book my "bucket list" cruise for January 2013 to go the Medditerranean and I will see Italy, Turkey, Jerusalem and most exciting and important to me is Egypt. I will be there for two days. I have dreamt of going there since I was a little girl. My aunt went there when I was a little girl. She traveled all over and she was the black sheep of the family - not marrying until she was in her 40's. I am just going to try to get my farm fixed because of the darn storm.
Thanks Alby!

 

[James B.]

I did book my "bucket list" cruise for January 2013 to go the Medditerranean and I will see Italy, Turkey, Jerusalem and most exciting and important to me is Egypt. I will be there for two days.

That sounds great Gloria. How exciting and a good thing to focus on and help get you through. I am sure you will be fine. Hope we get to hear and maybe see some highlights from your future trip. Good luck in court Gloria, take care!

 

[mamachick]

Gloria-in grad school I did some work with the MMPI. This guy should write a report based on responses and if you have any doubt about the results, you can always request another interpretation based on the scores. Just remember, even if you were bi-polar or anything else, that is no excuse for police abuse. Is it ok to abuse a diabetic? They might be unreasonable if their blood sugar is off. How about an altzheimer person?

I was already depressed when I was assaulted by the cop. Thats not an excuse. There is no excuse for abuse-ever. Police abuse and abuse of their power is NEVER acceptable. Many cops are bi-polar and have other mental illness. We can not have unstable people with badges, handcuffs, and guns and feel safe can we?

The world is full of people with mental illness-they did not chose to have this and there is no excuse for abusing them-except some may feel they are easy targets. Police need more training in dealing with these issues-both in understanding mental illness (just because someone doesnt respond with an answer quick enough to suit them does not mean they are non compliant), and how to de-escalate a situation without causing further harm to someone suffering from mental illness, be it ptsd, anxiety, depression, etc.

I also tried AA for the same as you. We do not have ACOA here but do have Alanon, which is somewhat helpful. I found that some use these groups to play out the drama that they use to play out in other social groups. I think they can work as long as we focus on ourselves and the 12 steps.

 

[Gloria]

Thank you for reminding me of this. I mean when I got beat up, I didn't even think that my former trauma was ever going to play into lawsuit. Someone told me there is something called the "fragile egg" rule in law. It doesn't matter if you already had a bad back or whatever, if further injury occurred, it still counts. My psychologist is so adamant that I never found safety in my home so that authority figures used to be a sense of security for me and not fear. I know you know what I mean. One of the questions that they ask you on the psychology tests is if you are afraid of losing your mind. Yes, I am. I start to do so well and then all I have to do is get triggered by a letter or phone call from my lawyer and I'm very depressed.

 

[mamachick]

This will be behind you soon Gloria and you will get along better when you no longer have that contact Im sure. Litigation always causes the injured to have to defend themselves, even when the cause of injury was not malicious or intended. I was injured in a grocery store where I was knocked unconscious. Their lawyers will try to blame resulting problems on anything else-I was in a defensive mode until it was over. Keep taking care of yourself and remember youre not alone

 

[Srain]

Gloria, when you go you go with many women and others with you, you are not in this alone no matter how it might feel. It's taken me awhile to be able to read your post as it was triggering to me. I apologize but I figure you would understand. I can't tell you how my heart soars thinking of you being able to take this through the Justice system!! I failed, so as you go through this I am sending you much strength and power of heart, though I feel you have your share as it is .

Peace and light,
Rain

 

[Gloria]

Dear Rain,
I perfectly understand how you got triggered because sometimes when I talk or write to someone who has gone through the same thing and they talk about their emotions, I can't take it. I did get through the deposition. I acknowledge that these people are evil so I can expect anything from them. I understand that the police are either into power or integrity but will go to any lengths to hide and cover up any error or misconduct.

I get triggered when I hear women talk about the fear, the terror and the shock that someone that who has never broken the law could be assaulted. I can talk about what happened but not the terror. Every morning, even if I don't remember the nightmare, I will wake up feeling the pain from the handcuffs and other injuries and I have with much difficulty learned to lay in bed for five minutes to maybe a couple hours with my eyes open looking at my room and just repeating "It's not happening now. It happened almost three years ago. You are safe. Just get up and you will feel better". But like a dope I watched some prison movies. They have a lot of movies where someone is arrested for something they didn't do or the police are sadistic. I think I am not strong enough yet to watch those movies and should avoid them. But since I am a horse trainer and rehabiliate abused horses I also know that increased exposure to the stimuli that causes the fear will decrease the fear.

A few months after the incident, I started bringing cookies to the police officers at the police station by my house. The police officers in my area (the assault happened in another state) have actually been so nice. I actually asked them to stand next to me so that I could stand right next to their blue uniform so I wouldn't get triggered when I saw the uniform. Unfortunately, the police officer that did the most damage has red hair and I have not been able to find a red headed police officer to help me desensitize. My attorney was angry that my therapist said that it will take two years of intense therapy to get over this. He wanted her to say that I would never get over this but it gives me hope so I like to hear how people have overcome this. You and Brat understand why this is so devastating. Okay, we may have been attacked by stray dogs, drunk men and whatever else but we learn that there are bad people but we always think that we are in the United States and we have rights and the police enforce the law and here to protect us. When they attack us for no reason, the world does not feel safe any longer.

 

[Gloria]

Just talked to my lawyer and found out how the police and my ex lied like you wouldn't believe. But the good thing is that it contradicts everything that they put in their reports. I am soooooo happy! They admitted that they tackled me! They have been denying this for three years but all of a sudden they changed their story and their reports that said I didn't resist arrest in any way to -----get this!! I was attacking them with a music stand so they had to tackle me. I was sitting my back turned to them cross legged. If I was attacking, don't you think I might have been facing them or on my knees or standing??? Oh the lies! I think a judge would see right through it.

So the psychiatrist is a kook that going to try to trick me and wear me down on Wednesday. Oh what fun! I'm just so glad that they finally admitted that they tackled me. My boyfriend lied and said he didn't hand me the music stand and that it was in the garage and I took and started threatening people. I told him that I paid for the music stand so he handed it over to me. Well, I never folded a music stand and couldn't figure out how to fold either the top or the legs so I kept turning it over and over trying to figure it out. I was upset and I just couldn't figure it out but the whole story changed. Then why didn't I get charged with assaulting a police officer? Why wasn't I charged with anything? The whole thing is such a joke. To cover up their mistakes they lied and when they lie, they were caught in inconsistencies. I love it.

 

[Gloria]

Okay, I thought it was over. My lawyer told me that they requested an offer letter so we made them an offer. Now they are requesting all my e-mails since January 1. 2008. I did turn my ex in for bancruptcy fraud and they were asking about this. I feel like these guys will stop at nothing. The police admitted to tackling me but say they had the right because I threatened them. This is getting to be totally ridiculous.