• We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
  • Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.

Sympathy - It Is Creeping Back Here

Status
Not open for further replies.
Perhaps part of it is that we are giving too much sympathy? The more I think about it I haven't seen a horrible amount of "woe is me give me pity" posts (I've seen a lot of strength around here!) but I have seen more of the one line "sorry, that sucks..." to the new people who are coming...
 
Gawd, so many things here spoke to me it's hard to respond because I get so overwhelmed. Let's see, Wendy you definitely hit the nail on the head, Awakening too for that matter. I have always felt the need to be recognized. I have always felt invisible. When I first started burning and cutting myself it was because I wanted people to know I was in a tremendous amount of pain. Later, when I saw peoples reaction to it, it became more of a private issue. I didn't like the way people were responding but, I just wasn't ready to quit.

Now I have the desire to relate and be related to and that has caused me to reach out more... especially on this forum. In the last month/month in ahalf I have acquired 13 friends on this forum. This is such a big deal to me because I waited four months and watched how people posted and what they had to say before I invited them to my friends list. Some of them invited me but my answers to them were based on the same evaluation as the others. What kind of people did they appear to be... All seemed to have one thing in common... They cared. They had their own struggles but, they cared. That is empathy at it's best. I don't need no one to feel sorry for me. I just need you to give a shit.

Pandora, thank you in particular for encouraging me in my diary. It is initially why I took such an interest in you. I consider you a friend. Everything will work out for you, I just know it will.

Take care all, Morgan
 
They had their own struggles but, they cared. That is empathy at it's best. I don't need no one to feel sorry for me. I just need you to give a shit.

That just reminded me... a few weeks ago my Mom asked what she could do for me, and I gave her the simplest answer I could give anyone (and sort of surprised myself)... "Just understand that its hard."
 
Awakening - I too was touched by your post. I can't even count how many years I looked for a rescuer. Which brings me to something else about your post - I don't really see what you are looking for as sympathy, I think instead it is a rescuer and I don't find those things synonymous. I never got the feeling from your post that you wanted someone to "pity you", but instead, to be there for you when you needed help (look at your examples: being in the hospital, getting kidnapped). For me, whenever I fantasized about that person, in the fantasy they always "seemed" like a rescuer, but in retrospect, I wasn't looking for a savior, I was simply looking for someone to love me like I thought that my mother should have loved me. I hope any of that made sense to anyone else except for me.

Being there for someone does not mean feeling sorry for them.

Best,
Rachel
 
My two cents,

Sympathy to me is when someone recognizes our sadness or situation but can not necessarily understand the pain that you are in.

Empathy on the other hand, means to me, the person who is responding to your pain understands it and quite possibly experienced it at one time.

So the key difference to me is the level of understanding and therefore the response will be different on the coping end.

Hope I made it clear for you to understand my meanings. Cindy
 
Nic, you should never worry about venting, instead you should actually use the word "Vent" in your title, as often people do when venting. This is text based, so it comes with no emotion. Venting can be easily interpreted for sympathy, absolutely. Topics like this help new members understand how to best vent without looking like sympathy, being to ensure the words are clearly used in headings and even text, ie. begin the vent with something like, "I need to vent this out because....."

This topic is already achieving learning for newer members. This topic is not new, do a search and you will discover. I raise this point every so often because new members arrive and fall into habits that are not new here, quite existing, though also closed down before they get out of hand. An ongoing thing really.... and no, a sticky nor FAQ does it as people just do not read everything before posting.

That is another topic though, being to get new members to reference existing threads and posts to point one another towards for ease of reading, discussion, etc... all of which has often been talked about here.
 
use the word "Vent" in your title, as often people do when venting. This is text based, so it comes with no emotion. Venting can be easily interpreted for sympathy, absolutely.

Hey, this is a great thread and discussion started here.

Oh' and as for the above suggestion, good one because I know I vent and don't often turn around and write -vent. Now likely, I will more often.

As for what's the differences between sympathy and empathy, there is no better way I've discovered for learning something of interest, but then to research it more thouroughly. So earlier this thread, inspired me to do just that. Thanks. There's also great understanding of what is empathy and its distinction to sympathy all over the internet.

Again, Great thread!
 
To me looking for sympathy doesn't exist. When tramatized as children many can relate to our parents or perpertrators not having sympathy for us. So why look for something we know little of? I think, we like to tell our stories to get it off our chests and feel good for the moment. Many of us have nobody to talk to or don't feel comfortable telling them our deep dark secrets. On a forum we can say these things without feeling awkward or looking someone in the eyes. We don't have to lie or make our stories more than they are. Some may have been through alot less than the next person but to them they have gone through the worst experience anyone can imagine and there are others who have gone through much worse than ourselves that don't see it as bad. We are all individuals who perceive our pain in our own minds, no 2 are alike.

I seem to stay in the child mold more than accepting things as an adult. However, due to my overcaring nature of people, I hurt for them more than I do for myself. I do not like seeing people in pain but ignore my own many times. I enjoy helping others but usually get hurt for caring to much. Maybe, this is my way of forgetting my own problems for the time being. My mom use to always say, I was over-emotional. Yet, no help was given me when I went through my abuses or understanding due to my going through abuse and her kind of knowing about it but turned her head. Alcohol was too important for her more so than her 7 children. We have all survived in different ways but all very much dysfuntional. We are the ones paying the price not the perpetrators. Thank you Anthony for this forum!
sunnydaze
 
I think sympathy makes one into a victim and I can not and will not tolerate being a victim. I still can't understand how I used to see myself as a victim, but moving on....

I'm a survivor and all I want here is understanding, seasoned with a little advice from time to time.

Tammy
 
Should we not offer sympathetic words to new people to make them feel welcome, though? When a new person posts about an experience and people just reply with their own personal experiences, it sometimes appears that they aren't listening to the OP at all.

Maybe I just don't understand. What's an example of sympathy that is problematic?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Donation drives

2026 Donation Goal

Goal
$1,800.00
Earned
$910.00
This donation drive ends in
0 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds
  50.6%

Trending content

Featured content

Back
Top Bottom