Sympathy? Really?

[complexmind]

Amy Jo....It is okay to cry. It's right and healthy and a gift. Being tough and strong does NOT equal 'don't cry'. The strongest people are the ones that are able to recognize and acknowledge their own weakness and fragility. There are examples of the greatest men and women throughout history weeping at injustice and the agony our species can inflict one another. In fact you would be hard pressed to find any man or woman of true courage and integrity that has not wept bitterly at such things. Do you think Hitler wept? Probably not. How about Napolean? Doubt it. But what about Mother Theresa or Saint Paul or Ghandi or Jesus?

Cry!

 

[Amy Jo]

MissAntiSunshine--I know!!! I feel the same way/do the same thing! Why do we do this?

 

[Amy Jo]

complexmind,
I love love love your message up there "It's ok to cry"...thank you :) sometimes maybe we just need permission when we're too rough on ourselves

 

[Kintsugi]

Well it did take me a long time to accumulate that layer of ice I have. The prospect of it melting into tears is just scary to me. It's partially about control for me, especially if I am disclosing. It's like... damage control? I am not sure.

 

[mamachick]

I am sorry means I am sorry that you have to go through this and does not mean pity. I also feel the same as you Amy Jo in that I do not want sympathy or pity. When someone is there for me in that way, sometimes I feel vulnerable, which I dont do graciously. lol. Maybe someone can relate

I think you might be right about wanting understanding to validate it. I use to do a lot of explaining because I wanted to be understood. One day I decided that I dont even understand myself, how can I expect others to really understand. That was in relation to Co dependency issues.

All these years later I find out I have ptsd and I have found myself wanting those I care about to understand-and tried again. Again I realized, I dont really understand myself. Then I also realized that talking about it helps me to wrap my head around it. The repeating and explaining helps to teach me, to remind me, to understand better myself. That is part of my learning style-if I dont repeat it, I tend to forget it. That is one reason that I believe a face to face support group would be so very beneficial.

 

[caliaviator]

I don't like it when people say that they're sorry when they aren't responsible for my condition or even my anxiety attacks. I love it when people want to talk to me about it since it allows me to release a bit more, and it seems they genuinely care more that way. But when someone says "I'm sorry" after I tell them what was going on it irritates me. It's like "why are you sorry?", "Are you directly responsible for what I'm feeling?", "Are you just saying that to deflect the entire moment?".

People saying "I'm sorry" all the time just doesn't seem very genuine since everyone including their cat and dog says "I'm sorry". I'm not even sure if they're being sympathetic or just trying to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

 

[mamachick]

People sure do not always say the right thing-I guess they're not perfect either. Im not trying to be a smart alec or anything, I never know what to say when someone dies. Nothing I can say seems to be enough or right-then I want to avoid the funeral home. There is no right thing to say. So I just go and hope that my presence lets them know that I care, along with my inadequate words.

I don't know if this applies to anyone else or not but I am learning that my beliefs and interpretations are distorted sometimes and maybe often. I am addressing them. I use to believe most people were good and mean well and will help out. The past few years I have come to believe that most are bad, cant be trusted and will kick you when you are down. I guess it doesnt really matter how they are-that I cant change, and Ive been unhappy thinking this way. However, I can address my thoughts and distortions and change my beliefs and be happy again (at least I hope I can). When we look for fault-we will surely find it. I cannot solve my problems with the same thinking that created them.

I apologize in advance if I offend anyone as I certainly don't mean to. I will be here to challenge any crappy thinking though and when I am having my turn at crappy thinking, I hope you are there to challenge me as well because I dont want to stay stuck anymore.