General Taking Care Of Me

[anni]

I hope they are able to get her sorted out for her own comfort quickly. There's that whole generation which just dearly hates being fussed over. My son informed me my ex-mother in law over there, 94 now, fell and took a dreadful knock to her head causing a horrible laceration. It bled awfully, but instead of phoning her son or the ambulance, she stuck a shower cap on her head and took a taxi to the hospital! I guess they just dislike being a 'bother', even when things could be serious.

At least they can deal with clots these days, although I guess it depends from what I hear on the size and things as to how long before it's considered safe to allow the person home.Hopefully for your family it's soon, and there will be a belated , worry-free Mother's Day for all of you.

All the best with this, and take care-

Anni

 

[amethist]

Thanks Anni

We still don't know for sure what has gone on, but we do now know she has not been looking after herself in regards to her diabetes. She has been eating all the wrong foods, and way too much of it as well, sweets and sugary foods, even though she does know she should not. Plus she has not been going out for walks as she was told to do.

So along with too much and the wrong food, not enough exercise, she now has fluid on her legs, infection in them somewhere, as well as the possibility of the blood clots.

Not only that, some numpty suggested she had her land line phone cut off, and just keep her mobile. Brilliant idea, as now hubby's dad has no contact with the outside world, unless someone goes to see him.

So when she is home and put to rights, I am going down and going to get this sorted. Never mind having a fancy mobile that costs her a fortune, a land line and cheaper mobile will be better for both of them.

With all this stupidity, hubby is ill, she is in hospital, hubby's dad is almost isolated, and I am left to sort this out, as she wont listen to her own daughter's.

She is going to listen to me when I go across and see her.

 

[anni]

That sounds like one of those definitive statements with some steel behind it! :)

So some ninnie sold them an expensive cell plan, no doubt half the bells and whistles they don't even understand? Yes, that happened to my parents and they were locked in to a 2 year contract then too! I only just heard yesterday someone ELSE sold them a dam CAR! I have to go see about that, since certainly more to that story-they don't drive...... .

Yes, it's tough to explain the real situation to them, especially with people perhaps around advising them against their better interests. Dad got sick of not being able to trust anyone the other day and anounced to me his 'plan' to just sell up and go take Mom to a little house all on their own- where both would die within a week through exactly what you're describing-not taking care of themselves.Mine just can't but are frustrated.

I hope yours goes well, and she does listen so the damage is reversed quickly.Perhaps a good scare like this will have brough the seriousness of it all home. It does sound like you and your husband will have your hands full for a little while to come. Thinking of you!

 

[amethist]

Well today I set myself up for a fall big style, and I never saw the U turn coming.

Today was forecast to be dry, warm and sunny. Formula 1 racing was on early morning, so after watching that, and my youngest calling in for a short while, I suggested to my husband we go for a walk this afternoon. He said it was a good idea and we agreed to go after he had an hours sleep and some lunch.

So off he went for an hours sleep, while I did some bits and pieces, having a chat with a friend on IM and spending a short while on here too.

When he got up, he seemed to be OK, but said he had been woken up by the ice cream van, and felt wobbly, (His words for feeling ill). I suggested it could be hunger and made him a sandwich, which he agreed was probably the problem. So I made him his sandwich, leaving him to eat it, having had something myself half an hour earlier.

Around an hour and a half later, I asked if he was ready to go for a walk, thinking he had enough time to feeling better after eating.

Now here comes my fall.

I had been looking forward to going out in the sun for a while, as we had not been for a walk like this for quite a while now. I had decide not to go out while he was asleep for anything we may have need from the shop, as I thought we could maybe pick anything up on our way back.

He just looked at me and said "No". WTF, no explanation, no reason given, just a point blank No.

I was so angry, I just turned and walked away from him. I was so angry at this Yo Yo effect, one minute all is fine and then a complete U turn. This is worse than the Roller Coaster, that i can now usually see speeding up, but the U turns, catch me out big style.

When I asked him a short time later what was wrong, he just said I am not well. I suggested he do something to pick himself back up as this was not helping him at all, so what did he feel like doing to feel better. His reply was "I'm going to bed".

That was it, off he went, back to bed, leaving me wishing I had gone out earlier, instead of sitting here, reeling from this latest fall, that I possibly set myself up for this time.

But I am supposed to except this as part of his PTSD, I don't think so.

 

[amethist]

I finally gave up and took care of myself not long after I posted this yesterday evening.

He came back down as I was finishing up here, in a foul mood, something I have not seen for a long time. When I asked how he was feeling now, he blew at me, cursing and carrying on like a spoil't child.

That was it, I shut down my laptop, went and got changed and left him to it. I phoned my youngest daughter, who came and picked me up, to go spend a few hours with her and her partner. I must have walked for about 40 minutes before she picked me up, enough time to calm down and be able to think and talk calmly about what had gone on.

Al;though my daughter and partner don't fully understand about all things PTSD, they do except and see how hard it does get. They except him as he is now, treating him no differently from before which is good, and they do help me out at time, when it just gets too much.

As I was deciding when to come home, he phoned me, apologizing for his behavior, asking where I was, and whether I was coming home or not.

When I got back, he apologized to me in front of them, saying he had been an a##e again and he would sort it out. He went on to say, after they had gone, that he had got angry because he could not open the door, and wanted to go out, but knew it was not going to happen. Which is why he had blown up at me, his words, "You were here so you got it, I was angry at the world and his wife, because I felt trapped".

I explained that this kind of behavior was not expectable, and I would not put up with it. Crossed boundaries last night that are not allowed, he was mean and disrespectful, which is a definite no no, no matter how bad he feels. He told me he has no idea why he feels so angry just now, it is possibly because the sun has been shining, he can hear the bikes on the main road, and knows that part of his life has now ended. It must be hard for him, having spent the best part of 40 years involved with bikes in some way. But plans have been put in place so he can restore old classics in the not too far distant future.

This morning he is still apologizing, looking ashamed of how he acted last night. But as far as I am concerned it is done and finished with. He apologizes, understood what he did was out of order.

So now we move on from here, knowing that this PTSD Roller Coaster is still not slow enough just yet.

 

[cherryblossom]

Yep - roller coaster always seem to be the best description PTSD. I'm sorry to hear you've had a rough couple of days, but also glad that you've sorted things out. Whether PTSD or not, we all need to learn to control our anger. Maybe next time, he will be able to stop for a minute and explain why he's so angry rather than take it out on you - lets hope so.:tup:

 

[ktmarie71]

Awesome!:)

 

[anni]

You know, I read this this morning and thought about you and your husband throughout my day. I logged back in on purpose to come back and say you two are just so GOOD. I don't know how else to put it. The impulse to react through hurt for you must have been huge-you defied it and just left to process through the hurt and keep you boundaries clear. He processed through the PTSD- accepted that he knew it was his, both know the whys and the 'buts'. Gosh- just so GOOD on both your parts, although I'm sure terribly wearing for you. I suppose this is just a painful moment you'd rather leave in the past now but it's pretty impressive- maybe I'm feeling that way because it's admirable to me when people can honestly do this. I'm not always very good at it myself. :)

 

[amethist]

Thank you all for the replies.

To be honest, I sometimes wonder what all the fuss is about, he is ill, I help him with it. OK it is a very selfish and can be demanding in so many way, but we are married, we knew each other before this invaded our lives, this is now part of our lives. Right or wrong, this is how it is going to be now, lessoning as time goes by, but with us from now on.

For now it still looks and feels that we can keep going, but who knows what the future holds, for either of us. I know it could still go pear shaped, at any time.

He does not scare me when he gets angry, (which has only just started to happen), and he has never been the violent type, even before PTSD. And we talk, I mean really talk, we always have, we have missed TV programs that we have planned to watch. We have sat for hours talking about everything and nothing, well into the early hours of the morning, just because we could. This is now happening again, which is why we manage to sort the issues out fairly quickly now, bad as they can be, we still talk when all calms down again. He knows it is wrong to take his anger out on me, which is why we are now trying to channel that anger into something constructive for him.

It is frustrating, it hurts at times, and it does wear me out sometimes, which is why I am only going back to work 2 days a week. Mainly to get my own sense of reality back, and to talk to people who have nothing to do with my PTSD life.

He has just gone to bed with oil on, so he can have a calm and relaxed nights sleep. tomorrow if the weather is OK, we are going to try and tidy up our front garden. If the weather is off, there are a few DIY things that can be done instead.

Another day over, do it all again tomorrow, hopefully better than today.

Please do not think I am being complacent with this, that is so far from the truth. Today I just feel that bad as it was yesterday, in the end we both got it right.

 

[amethist]

Today is a "Taking care of me" day, well ok taking the grandchildren out day. :D

My youngest and I are taking them to a farm and play park, so their mum and dad can have a day and night on their own for a change. I have a picnic packed and the rest of the garbage we need to take. :roflmao:

Hubby has motorbike racing and rugby to watch on TV, plus his own picnic left in the fridge. :rolleyes: Thats the kid coming out in him. :D Well he was complaining there was so much food being packed for the kids and us, that he had nothing left in the fridge to eat. As if. :rolleyes:

So maybe by this time tomorrow I will either be a gibbering wreck with no hair, or still asleep. Ha no chance of still being asleep, the kids will have me up before the sparrows. But if I am up, then so will hubby. :whistling:

 

[anni]

I hope it was ok to smile at the gibbering wreck with no hair bit! I laughed, actually, so sorry! Gosh just sounds like a nice day for everybody- hope it goes well, or went well. I'm extremely foggy so no idea if all has occured already. I got to see my grandson via Skype for an entire hour yesterday and he kept showing me his trucks and Teddy-barking to make the dog at this end bark, calling me 'Nannie' ( my grandmother name ) so got to have my day out with a grandchild also, sort of. Did an awful lot of good and still have my hair, although the mascara left afterwards.

Hope it was a nice day for you, hubby and the grandchildren. I still can't make head or tail of the rules with rugby but always nod wisely when watching with an expert and just pretend I do.

 

[amethist]

We had a brilliant day out yesterday, and the kids behaved like little angels all day.

They walked round the farm stroking the animals that they were allowed to, with all the care and consideration they give to their own pets. They washed their hands when asked to at every hand wash point, did not run and cause a fuss, like some kids were doing and ate their picnic's with no fuss at all.

They had their faces painted after lunch then played in the play area before heading to the gift shop for ice cream and present for granddad.



It was a fun and enjoyable day out, as we had expected.

Granddad sat and listened to all they had to tell him when we got back, while they ate a small tea, as they really had eaten a lot while we were out.

Then bed time arrived. :roflmao: They were both shattered and were ready for bed by 7pm, this is were I made the big mistake. I put them to bed at the same time, and it was 9pm before they finally went to sleep. My mistake, I should have put harry up first, followed by kayleigh after he had gone to sleep. Next time, this is what will happen.

When my girls were little, we used to joke with them that sheep were really woolly pigs. Imagine my surprise when we saw wooly pigs, REAL ones. :rolleyes:.

So they do exist, here is a photo to prove it. :D



This morning hubby and Harry did what has been planned for months. They went outside and stripped an old BBQ apart. Kayleigh was not impressed that she could not help out, and probably try and take charge of Harry doing this. but this was for harry and granddad to do, always has been. They loved it, but the little madam turned into the sulky child she can be when not getting her own way.



Hubby has now crashed big style, but he has said it was worth all he is going through right now, to spend time with them like this, which he could not do last year. He is now in bed, with stage 2 sedative oil blend, as he was in a pretty bad way about an hour ago. He said he was expecting it.

Tomorrow is a new day, hubby will be tired, but will still cope better than he would have a year ago.