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Torrid75

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Hi Everyone I needed to tell about my struggles so maybe it could help someone else. My boyfriend has combat ptsd almost a year ago got help and is now on meds. I was familiar with ptsd being a vet myself and from my Pop having severe ptss. I found this forum while looking for information on ptsd and cheating.

For the past year it has been a roller coaster of super highs and feeling like I was in hell. Basically long story short the start was like a fairy tale, perfect relationship than as we headed into Sept he started getting distant, cold, angry and sick all the time. He wasn't sleeping well and worse we worked 6 nights a week. I had stayed helping him at his job because he couldn't do it alone but eventually he almost couldn't do it at all.

Because I have kids and we couldn't afford a babysitter I wasn't able to continue going to work with him. In Oct he approached me about helping a single mom out and her helping us with our boys so I could continue to help him at work. I had reservations but agreed. A few days before his birthday I found sexting pictures she'd sent him prior to coming. I confronted him and her and as you can imagine it wasn't pretty. I sent him into a horrible episode and he became someone I didn't know or recognize. I did convince him to get help as he was suicidal. The VA was amazing, they moved at the speed of light. He'd also applied for disability prior to this as he'd been diagnosed 2 yrs after getting out but than for various reasons stopped getting help when meds stopped working. After this women being in our house for almost a yr the truth came out. He had started a relationship with her, changed his mind all without me knowing but when she gave him a sob story he offered her a place. I didn't leave and haven't because I made a commitment to him and if i had she or another women like her would have destroyed him. I couldn't let that happen. So here we are again at the start of what will be months of more bad days than good, he's already managed to attempt to start something up with someone he knew before the military but I put a quick stop to it. He admits it's something he knows is wrong but he can't help himself. He literally has no impulse control so when they contact him the lure of the forbidden is to much to resist. He tells me they mean nothing, he doesn't want to lose me over it but there are days I'm hanging on by a thread and others I find I have the strength to fight for him another day. We're trying to replace the bad memories with good but it is like he goes into self destruct mode before that can happen. Right now his sleeping is so screwed up, he won't leave the house and is happy about it, he's startling real bad and losing his temper quickly again. He's getting distant again and some days talks or looks at me like I'm the enemy and he hates me. Right now I'm controlling him according to him when I'm really just trying to keep him from destroying what he tells me he really wants which is our family and house.

This is an extremely abridged version but I hope it helps someone. If you wanted more information about the year of hell and double life he tried to lead just ask I don't mind sharing I just didn't want to make this to, to long.
 
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Welcome to the forums! :)

You seem to have yourself squared away as to what you are and are not willing to accept in your own life... I ain't gonna try and change your mind, those are your own decisions, and we each have a right to them. <chuckling> Besides, I've made similar ones. That have gone both ways.

The only piece I am gonna debate ;) is right here
Right now I'm controlling him according to him when I'm really just trying to keep him from destroying what he tells me he really wants which is our family and house.

IME, things will go a lot smoother if you step up to some (cough...probably nicer) version of: "Yeah man. I'm fire team lead/ squad lead / crew chief / NCOIC / whatever ...right now. I out rank you right now. By your own damn ask, until you've got your shit squared away, again. So suck it up princess, quit yer bitchen, and claim rank, so we're f*cking full on partners again. Until then I've got your back, but I ain't your mommy. I'm not gonna sit here & take insubordinate, morale killing, f*cking whining about 'You're controlling me.' Damn straight I'm controlling you right now."

Control ain't always a bad thing, though it gets bad press. The IME part? That's when both people acknowledge it for what it is. Something asked for now, so quit bucking it. And something that will be hard to transition out of later, even if you know in your bones the situation has changed. It takes some getting used to, both being in charge, and relinquishing it.

((My tendency is to double dip, aka PTSD X2, and so whether were full on partners, he's ranking me, or I'm ranking him, changes on a dime. Alright. Whose head is clear, here? You're up, I'm second. Good to go. So the hierarchy has always been a lot more fluid & in motion... & so has tended to balance out. These were short term relationships, though, couple years max. Long term? That's outta my experience. I married badly. & to a bloke who was also outside of my experience. Just so you know my bias up front.))

Shrug. Also just my opinion, and you know the saying about that.

Again... Welcome to the community :D
 
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