Talking About Myself Has Me Start Falling Apart - Trapped.

[Abstract]

Sorry to hear that Brit. Especially a bad smear and you being young and having had trauma. Hope it was OK in the end.

I have to say I smiled a little at the irony of me now feeling as if I am hounding them. It was a mere few phone calls of course but feels like hounding considering my resistance and previous silence. Mostly I am just irritated as I just want to get it over and done with before I start getting sucked into avoidance again. Its all rather annoying and not least of that annoyance stems from my neighbour now knowing all my personal stuff. I guess I should be proud I made the calls considering my recent record with following things up.

Something went wrong at work this week which I am responsible for and which may have serious consequences. Big stressor for me. I guess I should be grateful it is the first of those in a couple of years. After looking at this from all directions I cannot see anything I did wrong but the results are the same regardless and I am still theoretically responsible. The first time in 25 years of working. It struck me how much more I care about that than the possibility that anything could be wrong with me. I feel absolutely sick to the stomach about the former because someone else has been harmed. I obviously have a way to go with self love.

 

[Abstract]

So it seems I am going to have follow up again as they never got back to me as promised. It really irks me. As if it isn't already an effort to get myself to do the basics but now it seems I have to do their job for them and correct their incompetencies too. I honestly can't find it in me to give a jot about whether the lump is a problem or not and the check up I can do without. Keeping myself on track by just trying to not entertain the where and whys and just doing the next thing.

Walking home yesterday I kept thinking/hoping that something would just fall from the sky and hit me and then it would all be fine. :rolleyes:

 

[Britt.f7]

No one should have to jump through so many hoops, that is just crazy. I would be frustrated too. However, try to stay focused and press on where this is concerned.

Chicken Little? You know that story? Where he thought the sky was falling? I don't want that to happen to you!

 

[Abstract]

Thanks for your kindness @Britt.f7

I was a chicken little but was hoping the sky would fall in. :bag: I am sure I would change my mind very quickly if did though!

Still nothing from them. Shall have to phone on Monday again. What a bore.

 

[maddog]

What a pathetic disgrace that this situation should be handled so imcompetently. That would test anyone's motivation and follow-through, and it is grossly unfair that you should have to deal with that too.

It may be a longshot, or totally irrelevant, but I wonder if maybe the need to take control over followup and making arrangements gives you any sense of mastery and control in the overall situation, and if so, if maybe that has some impact on your feelings about taking the next step? Just wondering... sometimes I find that if I am able to actually "do" the organising stuff, it feels slightly empowering and reassuring, even if only in that second. Hoping, I think, that it's at least a little bit that way for you...

Maddog

 

[Eleanor]

Only somewhat tongue in cheek. (Hope you don't mind? If so, please disregard.)

That they had never sent me an appointment but had rather returned the form to the surgery with instructions on where to refer me. It seems the hopeless receptionist was not able to read the form and that noone would have done a thing if I had not followed up on it. In fact, noone would have done a thing even if I had just contacted the surgery.

Soooo basically if you hadn't started this thread and gotten around to calling them, they would have screwed up and you wouldn't have to go! Everyone gets what they want. Sort of. But then you called, against all inclination, discovered their error and gained a new (unexpected and unusual) ally in the battle for self care and consciousness: Spite (or something that looks remarkably like.) And Spite, it turns out, is a useful critter. :whistling:

Still nothing from them. Shall have to phone on Monday again. What a bore.

So now, rather than anxiety provoking and avoidance inducing horribleness we have a rather boring but potentially kind of satisfying (in a small and mean way) task that will put those deserving to shame. Hurrah! Progress!:eek::shifty::cautious:

A rather unusual turn of events if I may say so. But kind of funny in that backhanded karmic kind of way.:D;)

It is always good to get karma's jokes.

 

[Abstract]

MD,
It's funny you say that as I had just started thinking it!

I can't quite put it into words but I have been thinking some aspects of my depression symptoms have been improving recently. It's a little astonishing really as thinking where I was 6 months ago I couldn't have hoped there would be a change.

I am still gripped by inaction in every part of my life but have managed to make these calls! It must be 5 years since I have been able to manage something like this.

And yes, I think something about this situation has helped me distract myself and go into automatic. Managing to take one step is always a help towards taking the second.

Mostly I think the distraction of the logistics of getting the mess sorted and it for once NOT being my fault has helped!

One of the factors is sure to be that I have now had a couple of years without a major stressor. I thought that would never happen either. I am very grateful.

On a serious note though, I don't have much hope in myself following through and the extra work doesn't help. I am hoping the impetus lasts long enough to get past the obstacles.

 

[Abstract]

Darn Eleanor!
I messed up! I was almost clear. I could have rotted away happily and in peace in my fetid misery! Silly me....

But at least I am dealing with someone elses incompetencies and not my own for once! ;-) That almost never happens any more.

Imagine my emotions when phoning to lie and excuse myself to the hospital and finding out that I was not in the wrong!:troll:

 

[Abstract]

Well I should be proud of myself as I made the phonecall.

Unfortunately I have an appointment.

Going to attempt to take the drama out of this now. I am such a drama queen. Get some perspective.

 

[DMerish]

Well I should be proud of myself as I made the phonecall. Unfortunately I have an appointment. Going to attempt to take the drama out of this now. I am such a drama queen. Get some perspective.

Abstract, I've been following your post here . . . but didn't feel I had anything to add beyond what others were writing and what you, yourself, came upon. But now I do :D

Kudos for making that phone call!!! :rolleyes: Whew, that part is over with, right? :tup:

I'm glad you got the appointment time set ;) and hope it's not too far out into the future.

Taking care of yourself IS the right perspective - kudos again!!! :hug:

 

[Britt.f7]

Great going Abstract! Very glad you have that done. Like DMerish, I hope it is not too far into the future. I tend to (conveniently) forget those.

 

[Eleanor]

Well done, Abstract!