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Talking About Myself Has Me Start Falling Apart - Trapped.

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was able to communicate that I wasn't comfortable and asked for accomodations
Wonderful! You should be really proud! :tup: It is encouraging isn't it? I have to be careful as I always look at things through the lens of what I couldn't do. :rolleyes: Nice to see you Quaintpapercut. Hope things are Ok ish.

remove the lymph node
Apparently it needs to come out regardless of what they find Brit. Thanks for asking. I am mostly relieved that the intimate examinations are done with. Not nearly as worried about the op as I was of the rest.

asking for support here
Thanks Eleanor! :) May not seem silly to others but I seem silly to me. It is hard for me though so :tup:

Feeling a bit more myself this morning so I am grateful as I think that is pretty good going, considering it all.
 
Thanks for your kindness MD and aj1.

I did what I needed to and the op is done. I was absolutely determined I was not going to have a general anaesthetic if I had anything to do with it. Therefore had to "not be worried" about the op.

Not sure about anyone else but the idea of being unconscious sets off my hypervigilence stuff a lot. And I have had a bad experience waking up before so that doesn't help. That helped me hold it together as I knew they would knock me out if I did not.

I can't say it was nice but it was better than the examination in a lot of ways as it is further up on my chest.

Apparently the signs were not good for it which I am glad I did not know prior to the biopsies.Common indication of cancer in the abdomen and chest area. They don't understand why I got it so hence the removal.

Anyway. Astounded that I got there and did it all eventually and being held accountable on somewhere like here helped me not just zone it out as I was doing so thank you very much. I appreciate you all and just doing what I did and getting help in this way is a big change for me.

PS. realised something interesting. My blood pressure was very low. I am wondering if being dissociated does this and although I couldn't find anything very clear it seems it is the case. She looked a bit shocked and I suspect it the norm is for people to sky high just before they go in for surgery!
 
So so relieved for you Abstract, for both the process being managed, and the outcome being not what they feared.

Interestingly, my blood pressure has also been dangerously low just prior to any surgery or procedure I have ever had - so much so that it has prevented the procedure on several occasions. I seem to be able to experience intense anxiety, usually associated with high BP, and yet be in the dangerously low range. This doesn't apparently make medical or logical sense, but has always been my pattern. Haven't really thought about its link with dissociation.

Maddog
 
Thank you @aj1 and @change. Change, I have come a long way since the start of this thread in terms of this stuff.

@maddog Thank you!

That is interesting about your blood-pressure. I have never thought about it before but I have a vague sense of mine being low when it mattered medically speaking. Dissociation is just a guess but I am a little curious now. I wonder if there are other reasons ones blood pressure could drop in a stressful situations. Yours must have been very low for it to prevent the procedure. I found one lot of research which measured physiological reactions of trauma victims to various situations. Those with dissociative and PTSD tendencies had a steep drop in physiological responses when exposed to stress whilst the other lot had the opposite happen.

I didn't want to divert Hashi's thread but I also wanted to say that I believe a huge section of those on here would not be breaking out in enthusiasm and joy at the idea of your trauma group Christmas party and would feel very similarly to you! You are not weak or anything else and are just having a hard time at present. As anyone would in the present circumstances.
 
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