Telling my family about PTSD.

[Marvel545]

So, I have about 10 people who know about PTSD & more who know about my addiction through GA meetings, but my family don't know.

For a long time, I've blamed them & myself, hid behind a facade of being ok. They know about some of the trauma, but they have no idea about the longest lasting trauma. It involves my Dad, it was behind closed doors & I really don't want to disclose it. I believe it would hurt my Dad. Do I have to? Or can I omit it if I choose? I kind of feel like its a cop out.

I want to tell them mainly to stop feeling shame & as though I'm hiding myself. I can't do it anymore.

I have zero idea of how to go about it, does anyone have any advice?

 

[Kubash16]

You aren’t obligated to share what you aren’t comfortable with. I have multiple things to blame PTSD on and have shared pretty publicly that I’m a sufferer. But I’ve kept it mostly about my dad’s death rather then the CSA. I’ve hinted at the CSA here and there and some key people know a little more. But for the most part? I chose the thing everyone pretty much knew about already, they don’t need to know everything.

 

[Chris-duck]

I've done the same as K, everyone knows I have PTSD or at least that I have "mental health issues", when asked why I kinda go with "oh my friend died ages ago"

I don't think it's a copout to not disclose everything, its totally up to you what you do n don't want to divulge. There's this idea I see a lot here about people thinking their hiding themselves etc if they don't confide *everything*, it's human to hold stuff back really. Yah it's also a symptom but whatever you want them to know and feel comfy with is the right balance imo.

 

[Marvel545]

Yeah the more I think about it, you guys are right, I don’t have to share it all. I’m not sure where it comes from, maybe I feel as though it’s not ‘enough’ unless I share it all.

I think I’m gonna just go with witnessing my Moms death, leave the rest out. It’s the big thing that everyone knows & is obvious. It creates a truthful enough narrative.

It’s enough & if I go into other stuff it could just cause animosity/ problems.

I think sharing everything would be a huge can of worms & it’s best left untouched.

 

[Kubash16]

I understand the feeling of wanting to share more. I think it comes from us knowing that what we are saying isn’t the entire truth and we want validation for it. I don’t think it’s wrong to want the validation but when you start digging into family skeletons it gets so complicated and has the ability to destroy so much.

 

[Marvel545]

Agreed @Kubash16 it would actually be really triggering if there were arguments etc.

Going to keep it simple & think of the right way to tell family members.

 

[LuckiLee]

J's whole family knows and they really don't give a f*ck. If your family is supportive, go for it. If they are selfish? I'd rethink telling them.

Good luck!

 

[Friday]

We have a saying, in my family...

You don’t have to lie, but you don’t have to run around shouting the truth, either.

So, for me, I get that your keeping your Dx a secret is translating into feeling like it’s something to be ashamed of. So the all or nothing logic = tell everyone.

The middle ground between keeping something a secret & making an announcement?

Just stop keeping it a secret.

 

[Ronin]

You can work on the shame & feeling as if hiding & other such issues, without telling them, as well.

Since this is more about your feeling, less them.
Telling them will not fix the feelings, it has a chance of adding a whole host of new issues on your already full table.

 

[Marvel545]

Just stop keeping it a secret.

This actually makes a lot of sense.

If I make a big deal of it, it will become a big deal.

Telling them will not fix the feelings, it has a chance of adding a whole host of new issues on your already full table

This is true.

It would be good to deal with the underlying issue (shame).

 

[The Albatross]

My family knows. In reality, it explained a bit for those who were inclined to inquire further but little with regard to immediate improvements. Slowly, systematically... over the years, by way of my own progress our families are now far quicker to out their own issues and seek treatment and less inclined to scape goat the heretofore "crazy" one.

I guess my question would be why now? To what purpose? My family was the initial source of my traumas so for me it was the cause/reason given for boundary setting and upsetting/overturning the status quo. It was a mixed bag and painful process at one point no contact for months to 7 years with several members. It did though, ultimately change in a small way the familial dysfunctional system.... BUT I was already far along in my personal treatment and had made a conscious choice to maintain relationship.

Just some of the stuff I considered well into recovery.

 

[Mach123]

Don't say anything to anyone. I learn things the hard way and I can tell you for certain.

Everytime I've made the effort it's come back to bite me. You don't wanna have anyone walking around and be thinking "I wish I hadn't told them that."

My family? May as well give them a stake and a hammer. When they are flipping out sometime later and stake me with what I "shared." Lol