Telling

[Niecyangel]

I have suffered from PTSD (Diagnosed by a doctor) since I was a teenager. I have tried to protect my child from knowing exactly what is wrong with me but he is getting older now and the simple explanations no longer work. Does anyone have any ideas on the appropriate age your child should be before you tell them what PTSD is?

 

[popeye]

Well my son is only 9 years old and I had to explain it to him. I had gone into the mental hospital because I was hearing noises and things. He is very bright for his age and he knows now that my anger is usually not directed at him. So I understand the confusion as to when or how to tell your child. Just take it slowly and explain it the best you can without the gory details.

 

[Farine]

Heya Niecy,
My children are 10 and 9. Simpler language is better, and shorter time periods are needed. Like a five to ten minute explanation max worked for my children. The main thing that they need to know is that situations are NOT their fault. That this does not change their status. I talk about everyone having something they struggle with (because it's true) and have something that they are excellent at. I"ve taught them to be more focused on the excellent qualities while still being aware of the struggling areas.. It's made them more empathic people, I think.

 

[scarredfeathers]

Hello Angel,
Wow.... Telling a child about PTSD has to be quite difficult! I wish you all the luck in the world in this! I used to work at a Chiropractic office and we had a small number of patients admitted that had PTSD from car accidents. I remember one of these patients had brought a 7 year old child with her at one point. This child was so bright. He was asking about all sorts of different therapies and reasons for feeling. He completely understood that the anger their mother felt was not his fault and that he loves her so much and, "wishes he could end the pain stuff-s." I know when I was a child of that age, there is no way I would have been able to understand as much as he did; let alone have the attention span to sit and listen to the explanation! I suppose it would be your call completely if you feel they are up to the task now or will be later. Good luck!

 

[Cillo4485]

I always thought telling my child would be helpful, and that if he knew why things bothered me, then he wouldnt think it was his fault, he is 9 years old and like me has an autism spectrum disorder.

However I think I shared a little too much information with him as to what happened and who hurt me, because now he seems to resent all authority figures now, as he blames them for hurting me and letting me down. He has begun to get into trouble with police and shows no respect towards them at all. I think that is probably down to the fact that the man who hurt me was a prison officer, and I was supposed to be in his care. So my little lad thinks he can no longer trust authority.

I think it is good to explain things to a child, but be very careful how you put it across and where your conversation seems to lay the blame, as children are very impressionable.

 

[blarneystone]

I think it all depends on the child to be honest. My son is 6, and my PTSD/CPTSD has not been an issue until recently with a really huge break down. He recognized it, and began grilling me on it. I didn't give him the details, but I gave him an over-view and an understanding of what was going on. He seems to be understanding, most of my episodes aren't directed at anyone but myself though.

I kind of go by the rule of thumb that if a child is old enough to ask the question, they're usually old enough to get the answer (In a stripped down version most of the time.) that can be built upon later.

The last thing you want to do is alienate your children, if they sense something is wrong (And children are incredibly good at this) then they will pursue it. If you avoid it, they feel like they're being lied to. If they feel as though they are being lied to, they will not trust you, and it's a slippery slope from there on down to full on alienation.

Just remember, we're both their guides and protectors, if we are trying to heal and be better people; we can teach them by doing these things so that if they ever suffer they can approach it in a healthy way rather than bottling it up, suppressing/repressing, acting out, etc.

I want to be a better person, in part for myself (Very small part, I usually dislike myself.) but for the large part I want to show my son and daughter how to be a healthy adult, so that they don't fall into the pits I did by dealing with things in the unhealthy way I was shown by my parent.

Just food for thought.

Blarney.

 

[Tinyflame]

I know (and remember myself) that many children's questions really refer back to them wanting to know they are safe/ things won't "change". I have found that a simple answer that addresses that part (whether they have expressed it that way or not -likely not), seems to reduce their anxiety and when they have another question, they will come back. Kids/ pre-teens are pretty "matter-of-fact" about most things, I have found.

 

[anni]

I know mine sort of ignored the whole subject until they had questions. I'd mention it, and leave the information 'out there. when they were in their young teens, I think. As they've gotten older, they tune into the whole concept where they'r comfortable, I think.

I ended up in the hospital with chest pains a few years ago, and my then-8 year old overheard the diagnosis was PTSD. He asked what that was, I gave him a really simple explanation and he's completely ignored the subject since. I think perhaps they tend to process this stuff in their own time frame, maybe?