Terrified of people thinking I am a bad or mean person

[Questioning]

I am a little bit unstable, currently being diagnosed for borderline personality disorder. I have a crippling fear of people hating me because they think I am a bad person:that I don’t care or that I am just that selfish. In reality I care a great deal, and am terrified of losing the people I love. A lot of people from what I have heard believe I am overly confident and selfish when actually I am an anxious mess. I am going to therapy to learn and improve myself, I just feel I am not fast enough or good enough.

 

[Teasel]

I've felt like that a heck of a lot in my life. Much less so now.

Think that has to do with realising that others do not get to define me if I don't want them to.

Really helped me shift my focus from what others think of me towards what I think of me, and setting up boundaries as to what I'm going to do if others treat me in a way I don't like.

I think growing up I really did not learn this stuff. It was an abusive childhood where others kinda did get to define me, and like all kids, being reliant on caregivers - it's vitally important to keep them on side so to speak.

So I grew up as I say, being terrified of the bad opinions of others.

Can you relate?

Welcome to the forum :)

 

[whiteraven]

I can relate so much. I don't have any advice, because I still deal with this and it creates a lot of anxiety, but maybe it will help to know you are not alone in this?

 

[EveHarrington]

Please be kind to yourself. Healing takes time. What matters most is that you are working on improving yourself and you’re moving forward with getting better. :hug:

 

[osiris]

Wanted you to know you aren’t alone. Don’t let your mind tell you lies about not being fast enough or good enough as you are going through therapy.
You are enough.
You are always enough.

 

[Survivor3]

There's nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself and being confident. Sometimes in life we can over compensate. Ie, feeling down and insecure = excessive confidence. Just try to do the best you can. Try and keep a good balance with friends and co-workers. All the best to you. S3.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Although I've always believed that most people like me, I used to hate it when someone clearly didn't like me.

But now if I get the impression that someone doesn't like me, it doesn't bother me nearly as much because not everyone has to like me in order for me to feel good about myself.

 

[Questioning]

I've felt like that a heck of a lot in my life. Much less so now.

Think that has to do with realising that others do not get to define me if I don't want them to.

Really helped me shift my focus from what others think of me towards what I think of me, and setting up boundaries as to what I'm going to do if others treat me in a way I don't like.

I think growing up I really did not learn this stuff. It was an abusive childhood where others kinda did get to define me, and like all kids, being reliant on caregivers - it's vitally important to keep them on side so to speak.

So I grew up as I say, being terrified of the bad opinions of others.

Can you relate?

Welcome to the forum :)

Hi! Thank you for your reply. I can definitely relate, also with the childhood aspect. I did have an emotionally abusive household especially in my teenage years, which most likely contributed to my current situation. I have moments of confidence, where opinions of others don’t phase me much, but to counter that I have these moments where I think everyone hates me and I want to sink to a hole in the ground. Good to hear it has gotten better for you, gives me hope.?

I can relate so much. I don't have any advice, because I still deal with this and it creates a lot of anxiety, but maybe it will help to know you are not alone in this?

Yes, thank you for replying? you are not alone either.

Although I've always believed that most people like me, I used to hate it when someone clearly didn't like me.

But now if I get the impression that someone doesn't like me, it doesn't bother me nearly as much because not everyone has to like me in order for me to feel good about myself.

Hi! Thanks for replying. Good to hear that there has been improvement for you, makes me feel I can get over this too.?

There's nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself and being confident. Sometimes in life we can over compensate. Ie, feeling down and insecure = excessive confidence. Just try to do the best you can. Try and keep a good balance with friends and co-workers. All the best to you. S3.

Thanks! All the best to you too???

Wanted you to know you aren’t alone. Don’t let your mind tell you lies about not being fast enough or good enough as you are going through therapy.
You are enough.
You are always enough.

Thank you for this reply???

Please be kind to yourself. Healing takes time. What matters most is that you are working on improving yourself and you’re moving forward with getting better. :hug:

Good advice? thank you.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Nobody in this world is liked by everybody, that's for sure.

 

[Questioning]

Nobody in this world is liked by everybody, that's for sure.

Yeah, I guess it is about becoming to terms with the fact that not everybody can like everybody. Just like I don’t like some people, I shouldn’t expect everyone to like me either. Working on it?

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @Questioning I just wanted to say hello and wish you well. S3. ?

 

[Questioning]

Hi @Questioning I just wanted to say hello and wish you well. S3. ?

Hi to you too! Thanks? hope you are doing well too!