Terrifying Episode, Not Sure If Dissociative Or Something Else?

[open eyes]

Trigger warning.


It was a really long but good weekend, & a few hours ago I was extremely tired & distraught. I started to have a panic attack- hyperventilating, crying, heart pounding, the usual. But it lasted for so long that I could barely see due to oxygen debt. I was hallucinating, hearing voices from my childhood that were related to my sexual abuse. I was also extremely detached from my body- more severely than I have ever felt. I started getting so cold that I was shaking uncontrollably, & my entire body went numb from the cold- even though I was wearing warm clothes & under multiple blankets.

I started drinking alcohol because I didn't know what else to do to calm down- (I don't respond well to PRNs, so I don't have any.) After it set in I was not only numb externally but all of my feelings were gone. I started seeing a light, & I felt a hand take my hand. I thought I was passing into the afterlife. I started whispering, asking if it was going to be over soon & a voice told me yes, but that I had to let go. Then I heard voices again, only this time it was all of the people in my life I care about saying my name.

I think I passed out, because I awoke about half an hour ago still feeling cold. I didn't think anything, so I got up to go make myself a snack when all of a sudden I remembered what had happened. I still feel slightly buzzed from the alcohol, but otherwise normal.

I have absolutely no idea what to make of this, but I'm terrified. I would love to hear anyone's thoughts on this.

 

[Healing Reins]

I think I've had something similar happen to me once... It was a really bad panic attack/ flashback/ anxiety attack/crying, and I thought I could hear voices..it was really scary. I don't know exactly what it was, but all the symptoms you are describing were the same symptoms that I had. I didn't pass out but I remember once I was able to ground myself it stopped. Maybe in the future when you start to feel yourself hyperventilating you can start to ground yourself? I don't know what to say other than that. I'm sorry that this happened to you! It must be really challenging and scary! If you ever need someone to listen I can do that! Sorry I'm not so great on advice!

 

[shimmerz]

I have no advice but I do know I was facing this for quite some time. I would pass out for days. The best I can say is that when I went with it - heard and saw what I needed to it eased quite a bit. I feel like it was my brain going into such a loop and not wanting to see the flashbacks, experience the feelings that my brain was trying to show me that it was just too much for me to stay functional. I guess the only question that I would ask is, do you feel any type of resonance with what you heard or saw? Does it ring true to you?

 

[arfie]

Something like this happened to me quite allot while I was fighting to keep my memory blocks in place. It was both terrifying and disorienting. I called them, "Daymares." Like a nightmare, except for the being awake part. When I decided to quit fighting it and get with a program, I never did ask the official name for it. I have no doubt that there was at least dissociation involved. Here with the safety of time distance, I wonder if they were psychotic breaks.

For sure I feel safe calling it, "No Fun." Be gentle with yourself, open eyes.

 

[joeylittle]

I've had something like this happen. But it's really possible the alcohol exacerbated the situation for you.

For me, before I got better at managing them I would often pass out during certain strong intrusive memories (because of remembering not being able to breathe, and therefore not breathing). In that state I would "see" some strange things.

Have you explored some stronger re-grounding/calming techniques? If PRNs don't work for you, you can still give yourself ways to stop even a really horrid panic attack - or at least try. I don't mean to be suggesting you didn't, but from your post it seems like that wasn't an option for you at the time.

 

[open eyes]

Thank you all so much for your comments!

@shimmerz I felt the same way, my brain was just turning in circles trying to avoid the actual flashback. What do you mean by did it resonate with me?

@joeylittle I've tried grounding skills before, but my panic attacks go to zero to 100 so quickly that there's almost no space for me to use them.

 

[shimmerz]

@open eyes. So many people have so many different ways of processing and symptomology, so when I asked if it resonated with you I was asking if it felt like by my relating my experience, whether you felt intuitively or otherwise that this as well sounds like you can relate to that experience. If it doesn't resonate there is usually a 'disconnect' between my experience or way of processing and someone else's. Hope this helps to clarify @open eyes. :hug:

 

[joeylittle]

I understand, @open eyes. You could start grounding as soon as you begin to notice you are getting upset; in other words, if you are feeling very tired and you know that can bring one on, start doing something before the attack hits. Anyway, it helps me.

 

[shimmerz]

Sorry @open eyes. I didn't reread this posting. I answered incorrectly. Forgive me, it has been one heck of a week. I meant do you resonate with any of the images that you have seen or the feelings you have felt during these episodes yet. It took me some time but I got enough of the puzzle pieces to put the picture together and the flashbacks started to make sense. That is what I meant. Forgive me for any confusion I may have caused in my last post.