Other Terrorist attack survivors

[Henrietta A.]

Hi,
I don´t really know how to start this thread. First of all I apologize for spelling or grammar errors, english isn´t my native language. I am fairly new on this site and joined, because I was curious, wether someone here has made similiar experiences like me.
Almost a year ago, I witnessed a terrorist attack on the La Rambla in Barcelona. And eventhough I survived and wasn´t badly injured, it still really hurts, even after months. For a long time, I simply tried to forget the memories and move on, but it took me some time to realize, that this is simply not possible. A lot changed for me that day, I changed. When I came back home from spain, after it happened, I didn´t want to talk about it with anyone. I closed myself of in front of my family and acted like everything was ok, like I was ok. And they believed me. They still think that what happened in Barcelona didn´t affect me. And I was afraid to talk about it, because I was afraid, that people would think I overreact. I also still have this voice in my head, that tells me that I have no right to complain or seek help, because I survived that day and was so lucky. I know a lot of people died that day and for some reason I was lucky enough to keep on living. I feel like people, who haven´t experienced this on their own, have a really hard time understanding, what it feels like. For a year, I felt almost completely alone and isolated with this. And that is why I am on this forum, because I would like to hear of other survivors and how they managed to cope with their experiences.
I really hope to hear from someone, to know that I am not alone.
Greetings,
Henrietta

 

[littleoc]

Hello :)

I didn't witness it myself, but I had two friends die in a domestic terrorism incident, and even though it had nothing to do with me, I'm still very affected by it. Things I heard about the aftermath have haunted my dreams, though I don't really talk about it in my trauma diary on here because it feels incredibly selfish.

Though this wasn't terrorism at all, I will say that the guy who kidnapped me mostly did it because I was white, and not Native American (or, at least, that was his lousy excuse).

Though I wasn't there for this either, I remember the exact day that 9/11 in the US happened -- mostly seeing people jumping and realizing how real and scary it was that people would willingly make people suffer like that. I had tried throwing away all the pictures my dad had of the inside of towers.

One thing I've noticed about these forums is that for anything I say, someone else has an experience with it as well, and so far I haven't been completely alone on anything. Even things you'd think no one understood -- turns out one thing was an extreme version of manipulation and brainwashing, for example. There are people here who have been through all kinds of things.

I'm so, so sorry that you witnessed that. I don't think you're overreacting at all, though since I always feel that I'm overreacting, being selfish, or trying to draw attention to myself that isn't deserved, I completely understand why you feel that way. But if it's troubling you, you deserve to be able to move past that.

I'm glad you survived. And I'm glad you found these forums :)

 

[Deleted member 47388]

Hi Henrietta,
I'm also a terror survivor, but the warfare took place in my computer and social media that resulted in physical terror attacks, all between 2013-2016 around Europe which resulted in hundreds of dead, as after your own experiences. I had difficulties keeping my sanity when I realized I was unwilling and ruthlessly exploited by others with political interests that made me appear as a brain behind some organizations, which came to have devastating consequences.

I can't put words on the guilt and the number of dead on my conscience. I was a civilian who quickly had to learn about a world in the hidden with national as international agents, heavy criminal activity and terrorists. Needless to say it was a raid that took place in my computer where various police authorities, intelligence agencies and defense forces wanted to take a closer look at it. I can't go into exact details, but I will in the near future summarize the very long and intricate story so everyone will know how it can happen. The effects of terror is serious and the consequences far-reaching.

I surely do understand your suffering, I felt more like a perpetrator which made it much more complicated, especially all the disinformation and gossip, unable to tell the truth which only extended the suffering for all in the context, civilians, soldiers in service as PTSD sufferers. In rough numbers I have estimated that about 80.000 US veterans and 250 civilians died to suicide and terror attacks during the time I was prevented from saying what I knew was going on, more closely during ten years time. Too much has happened and it's a strong story that will affect especially US veterans.

I'm so sorry for all the pain it caused who ever is victim for the terror that escalated during those years.
However I've dealt with most of it and I'm ready to put it out there.

Sincerely
/backslide

 

[LanaD]

Hi,
I don´t really know how to start this thread. First of all I apologize for spelling or grammar errors, english isn´t my native language. I am fairly new on this site and joined, because I was curious, wether someone here has made similiar experiences like me.
Almost a year ago, I witnessed a terrorist attack on the La Rambla in Barcelona. And eventhough I survived and wasn´t badly injured, it still really hurts, even after months. For a long time, I simply tried to forget the memories and move on, but it took me some time to realize, that this is simply not possible. A lot changed for me that day, I changed. When I came back home from spain, after it happened, I didn´t want to talk about it with anyone. I closed myself of in front of my family and acted like everything was ok, like I was ok. And they believed me. They still think that what happened in Barcelona didn´t affect me. And I was afraid to talk about it, because I was afraid, that people would think I overreact. I also still have this voice in my head, that tells me that I have no right to complain or seek help, because I survived that day and was so lucky. I know a lot of people died that day and for some reason I was lucky enough to keep on living. I feel like people, who haven´t experienced this on their own, have a really hard time understanding, what it feels like. For a year, I felt almost completely alone and isolated with this. And that is why I am on this forum, because I would like to hear of other survivors and how they managed to cope with their experiences.
I really hope to hear from someone, to know that I am not alone.
Greetings,
Henrietta

I was fortunate not to experience any attacks myself but the frequent bomb threats in Europe and the daily feeling of "will I be the next target of a truck/machete/knife/rape of peace?" were just too much to put up with, especially in addition to the daily aggression and other garbage people are forced to deal with there. In my case I had to leave. There are very few people with whom I can talk about the way I felt, mostly because criticizing terrorism in Europe automatically earns you a badge of racism.

But do you think even your closest friends/family would think you're overreacting? You have the right to feel whatever it is you feel, though I understand how the little voices can tell us otherwise. Sure, you survived, and that is wonderful and lucky, but you witnessed others not being so lucky. The way each of us reacts is our own way of reacting, no wrong about it. You're welcome to talk to people on here but I hope you can find someone close to you to whom you can talk and hug.

A little suggestion: it might be best to not use your real name here, just because it might make you feel exposed later on.

 

[SaharaSon]

Hi,
I don´t really know how to start this thread. First of all I apologize for spelling or grammar errors, english isn´t my native language. I am fairly new on this site and joined, because I was curious, wether someone here has made similiar experiences like me.
Almost a year ago, I witnessed a terrorist attack on the La Rambla in Barcelona. And eventhough I survived and wasn´t badly injured, it still really hurts, even after months. For a long time, I simply tried to forget the memories and move on, but it took me some time to realize, that this is simply not possible. A lot changed for me that day, I changed. When I came back home from spain, after it happened, I didn´t want to talk about it with anyone. I closed myself of in front of my family and acted like everything was ok, like I was ok. And they believed me. They still think that what happened in Barcelona didn´t affect me. And I was afraid to talk about it, because I was afraid, that people would think I overreact. I also still have this voice in my head, that tells me that I have no right to complain or seek help, because I survived that day and was so lucky. I know a lot of people died that day and for some reason I was lucky enough to keep on living. I feel like people, who haven´t experienced this on their own, have a really hard time understanding, what it feels like. For a year, I felt almost completely alone and isolated with this. And that is why I am on this forum, because I would like to hear of other survivors and how they managed to cope with their experiences.
I really hope to hear from someone, to know that I am not alone.
Greetings,
Henrietta

Thank you for relating your experiences in Barcelona. My memories of Barcelona include a bullfight I went to where El Cordorbes (sp?) was injured by the bull. Not a good day at the office for him... I too have been on the receiving end of terrorism along with a friend of mine in Libya. I got the worst of it, head wounds and severe concussion. Somehow (G-d), I made it back home. My faith in humanity took a nosedive that day. One of my best friends who lived through similar terrorism in the Middle-east just died unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago from an operation dealing directly with those injuries. I really miss him, he simply was the best person I have ever known. There is a big hole in my life, now. Somehow we have to go on, Henrietta. ?

 

[littleoc]

Thank you for relating your experiences . . .

I’m so sorry for your loss, @SaharaSon ((hugs))

 

[SaharaSon]

@littleoc Thanks littleoc. We all are saddened when friends and family pass. When someone like my friend passes unexpectedly it is devastating to a whole lot of people. He was an extraordinary healer and spirit. He made people want to be better human beings. A leader like him does not come along often in a lifetime. I would have happily given my life ten times over that he might live. I will never be 100% again, I'm shooting for 80% one day, right now I'm at about 30%. When it rains, it pours.....LIfe goes on, I guess. FUBAR.

 

[littleoc]

I agree, @SaharaSon . I hear about some deaths and never seem to forget them, even when I didn’t know the person. Some people are incredibly influential and most people deserve more than they get.

More hugs, I’m glad you shared