General Thank god i walked in

[Supervixn]

Space.

Let him take responsibility for his health. It isn't up to you. And all the love you have can't cure it. Don't believe the lie that it will.

Space... then when he returns, set that boundary. He isn't allowed to do this to you and the kids anymore. His pain is not more important than their mental and emotional health. Say it and believe it. It's true. He has to be responsible for himself. He has your love and support, but the second it becomes a detriment to you all then he has to know what's coming: your absence.

 

[LuckiLee]

You did the right thing. I keep thinking what you and the kids would have woke up to if you hadn't intervened.

Give him the time and space to help himself. Work on yourself now and decide what you expect when he comes home. He has to follow through in his treatment. No it's and's or but's! Keep sharing here. We understand.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so glad that you were able to stop him. Praying for all of you as you try to put the pieces back together. You are very loving and brave.:hug:

 

[Sweetpea76]

Swat has come and taken my vet out of the house when he's dissociated.

Afterwards he had a psych hold, and out of that hold he was able to get into an in-patient program. That's what he needed more than anything.

Suicide watch sucks. You cannot hold yourself responsible for preventing somebody else's suicide. You have to sleep. You have to go to the bathroom. You cannot monitor them 24/7/365. You are not a professional trained to deal with talking somebody down. You can't run shifts to monitor them like a team. You are not strong enough or trained to wrestle him to the ground and save his life. If somebody wants to kill themselves they'll find a way to do it. That would be nobody's fault or responsibility but their own.

You did everything you could have done. You called the professionals. That was the best thing you did.

 

[Erin Lee]

Space.

Let him take responsibility for his health. It isn't up to you. And all the love you have c...

I hate space... but I know he needs it. So it’s something Ive gotten better about. To be honest, I almost didn’t go downstairs because I was tying to be respectful of his wishes for me to leave him alone - I just had a weird feeling that this wasn’t cool off space.

I am working hard at setting boundaries and keeping them - but I do give in a lot to avoid these types of situations... which is the worst thing I can do.

You did the right thing. I keep thinking what you and the kids would have woke up to if you hadn't inte...

That’s all I kept thinking about as well... finding him on Christmas morning would mess those kids up so bad! I’m so glad I somehow was able to stop him (at least for now). I just pray he gets the help he needs. Thank you for your support.

I am so glad that you were able to stop him. Praying for all of you as you try to put the pieces back toge...

Thank you so much... we could use a lot of prayers :)

Swat has come and taken my vet out of the house when he's dissociated.

Afterwards he had a psych h...

I wish I was able to call them sooner... but I knew if I left for a second before that, it was over.

And I did learn last night that I am no where near prepared to deal with something like that. Im sure I didn’t say the right things. I clearly don’t have the strength (anger)?to go head to head with him... and you’re right, I can’t watch him 24/7 and I sometimes feel like I need to.

As of now he will be held at the hospital... and I really hope he goes into some sort of program. He’s tried therapy but I think he needs something way more intensive.

He is my soulmate, I selfishly need him to stick around forever.

 

[Erin Lee]

Just got an update with no update.

I know he’s been admitted... but he didn’t release his access code to me... sooooo that’s cool I can’t talk to anyone about anything in regards to what is going on with him right now.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Can you get any updates at all since you're his spouse? As in how long they'll keep him, or if he'll transfer into a program?

 

[Freida]

I'm so torn on how to answer your question because I know it from so many sides. But I'll try...

From the personal side..my brother is a total nut job who alternates between being homicidal and suicidal and I have spent many hours on suicide watch and at the hospital with him over the years. I finally had to go to counseling to figure out the boundaries between saving him and saving myself. It was the best and worst thing I have ever done because it broke my heart to have to learn i had so little control over his behavior. BUT. I know that now so it makes the guilt a bit easier

From the professional side. I was in 911for 20 years and have talked to many frantic family members trying to stop a suicide. Based on what you were reporting I would have worked my ass off to get you and the kids out of the house. I may have lost him but I wasn't gonna have 4 victims! You did the right thing by calling. If you ever in up in this position again try to get him on the phone with the dispatcher. We can usually get them calmed down faster than a family member because there is no relationship so we can be very matter of fact ...and that's a great diffusing method. Plus it's stalling to get you and kids time to get somewhere safe.

And file this away...you can't say the wrong thing to a suicidal person. Nothing you say or do will make them kill themselves. Keep you and your kids safe first...worry about him second. And yes. That is a horrible statement. But....there you go. Your kids need at least one parent alive

A note about the hospital. Make sure they know he is a vet so they can transfer to the vs if necessary ( even if he won't give you info). Hospitals are notorious for kicking people loose before they should for lack of beds

Ok. I hesitate to tell you this next thing but maybe it is something you can share with him later to help you both. It is heartbreaking to hear a child when they find out a parent has killed themself. I have talked to too many in my career and so I'll admit it's a trigger. Even if they don't see it....it can destroy them. This is why we try so hard to get you and them out of the house. The more physical distance the better. They will blame themselves no matter what but if we can get them away from the scene it can help. And that is nothing compared to what happens when a child SEES it. I still have nightmares about a couple calls involving young children who found a parent dead from suicide

And I agree with the others....he doesn't come home until he agrees to counseling...both individual and couples

This is a horrible road but you are on the right track.

 

[Erin Lee]

Can you get any updates at all since you're his spouse? As in how long they'll keep him, or if he'll...

They wouldn’t tell me anything at all. Not if he was there or anything. But then I received a text from him - apparently he snuck his phone in to the room when he was admitted. So now I do have all the information I need from him in order to talk to his doctors.

He did tell me that he would be there until at least Wednesday... he sounds so angry but at the same time sounds like he at least knows he’s where he needs to be.

 

[LuckiLee]

I hope they keep him longer than that. Maybe they van transfer him to the VA?? For a longer hold. He won't like it but he needs it.

Praying for all of you.

 

[Erin Lee]

I'm so torn on how to answer your question because I know it from so many sides. But I'll try...

From...

I’m so sorry to hear about your brother - that sounds scary and so demanding. I actually did start therapy with a therapist who specializes with PTSD and I liked her so much I told my husband he should see her... then things were getting worse (like it always is at the beginning of therapy) and it became apparent that he was more important to her than I was since I was just the spouse. I need to find a new therapist because I do want to learn ways of helping not only him, but myself too.


I could never be a dispatcher or anything like that. I’m an empath and I honestly don’t think I would be able to get out of bed if I heard of and felt nothing but sadness all day. Thank you for doing what you do - because I can’t imagine how difficult it must be. I wish I could get him to talk to someone but I know if I tried he would have either hung up or smashed my phone. Something along those lines.


I needed to hear the part about not being able to say the wrong thing... because I sometimes do feel like I’m making it worse or something. That I was the final straw. Things along those lines.


He’s actually at our local hospital and lucky for us, they have a small VA hospital attached to it - so I have a feeling they have been informed and it’s all being documented and hopefully they will keep better track of him. I do know he has a bed now so no reason to let him go.


As of right now he doesn’t sound like he’s taking it super seriously. More like he’s just there cause he has to be. I pray he has a different attitude tomorrow and that he agrees to start some sort of consistent therapy.


Guess I just have to take this one day at a time but I appreciate all of your input. Thank you.

 

[Erin Lee]

I hope they keep him longer than that. Maybe they van transfer him to the VA?? For a longer hold. He wo...

My thoughts exactly. I don’t see 2-3 days doing anything. But I do know that he is the type to cool down and see things way more rationally... so part of me thinks maybe he will get a little out of it and ask to stay longer. I mean probably not, but wishful thinking.