Wow, Deb, this hits really close. Teary-eyed close. The good kind. Feeling understood is so powerful.
I thought I was the only one who is constantly on guard to be socially appropriate, feeling like I learn and relearn social protocol a million times, forgetting I've decided I can't trust a specific person (the little bit I give to people), fighting like hell to fix social faux pas that I notice and almost hyperventilating over thoughts about all the ones I don't notice, pushing myself so unforgivably hard all the time, and all while trying to look like none of it tears me apart.
Thank you.