The Dialectics Of Resignation And Change

[maddog]

I totally agree, in the end, with Simplekindofgirl. It doesn't matter what words you use, or even how you define or approach the various concepts. The debates about word definitions can be fun and intellectually stimulating, but really, that's all they are.

It's what you do with them, how you use them for yourself and assign personal meaning to them, that matters.

I mean, heck, believe in the tooth fairy if it gets you out of bed in the morning and gives you a reason to keep pushing forward. We all believe in different things, we all ascribe different meaning to different elements of our lives. If it works and helps, do it, that's really what it boils down to.

Maddog

 

[Meadowsweet]

This doesn't need a projection of myself into the future - which is what hope does, I think.

I think this is where hope falls down, when it becomes a projection of how things ought to be. Or sometimes it can become an expectation of how things should be and nothing ever turns out how we dreamed it, so it will always bring dissapointment.

But hope can also just be the energy or drive to get the things done that we need to do. For me, it might involve dreaming a happy ending. But like maddog says about the toothfairy, the happy ending might not be as I dreamed it, but it gets me up in the morning and gives me the determination and energy to keep going.

Theres an expression, shoot for the moon and you'll reach the stars. And I think thats like hope.

 

[mamachick]

That sounds like a perfectly reasonable and logical way of handling that issue. I hate "goals" too. Reminds me of when I was in sales - do I get a set of steak knives when I've finished working out my problems?

Personally, whenever I hear the word "goals" or "forgiveness" being bandied about by mental health professionals it makes me think one thing - they are looking for ways to have their methods validated. Sorry but I'm there for validation from them, so they can work on their own goals.;)

My therapist has never used the word "goals" in our sessions but many therapists do. IMHO I do think it is the result of the insurance companies, (which has led to the policy of many agencies) to identify long and short term goals in the treatment plan. ie "client cried 6 less tears this week"

This is a good thread, made me consider if I am hopeful or hopeless.

 

[Srain]

But hope can also just be the energy or drive to get the things done that we need to do.

I get that not everyone views "hope" the same, just as the word "goals" doesn't necessarily set well with some of us. Hope is that beacon of light for me, without that light I can't see a reason to continue. It means there is no use or reason to continue, no way out of this darkness.

I don't expect to be cured but damn, I sure expect the possibility of being in a better mindset than this on a day to day basis with no end in sight.

I will work towards the HOPE. I can't work in total darkness, if that makes sense.

Great thread. I get something from everything some has posted.

Rain

 

[freakofnurture]

(Hope) can become an expectation of how things should be and nothing ever turns out how we dreamed it, so it will always bring dissapointment.

But hope can also just be the energy or drive to get the things done that we need to do.

Could be a half-full/half-empty thing. You focus more on the energy that hope can provide, so for you it's a good thing to have it and to use it. I am more/too concerned about the disappointment aspect of hope, so for me, another 'keep going'-strategy is more suitable.

 

[mamachick]

I think it is just a matter of semantics. While words have a meaning according to the dictionary, we all attach our own meaning to them, that meaning comes from our own experience and interpretation.

We can further identify such as "realistic hope". I have found myself doing that to clarify that I am not speaking of "wishful thinking" but of hope for the best case scenerio.

There is a quote I read but cannot quote corrrectly, but it said essentially this. (success is 90% planning and attitude and 10% action/work) I found that to be very correct in my most healthy period, before becoming the chronic pessimist I might be.

Hope does not mean that I am going to sit here and hope my ship comes in. If I apply for a job I really want, if I am not qualified, the situation would not be hopeful. However, if I am qualified and I want this job, I would be hopeful. I may be disappointed if I do not get it (as you described fonature), but disappointment is also part of life for everyone. That is a natural emotion we will all have, it is what we do with that disappointment.

So if I really want this job that is advertised and I am qualified and I apply, will the cover letter and resume differ if I am "hopeful" or if I am "not hopeful"? For me, I think it will differ, because I see the word hope more in the catagory of attitude than emotion.

There is a really good book that I need to re-read "the Secret", that talks about the power of intention. I have always found that my attitude has more to do with what happens to me than anything else.

If we dont expect much of what we want, we probably wont get much of what we want. I think we have to be willing to risk the feelings of disapointment, accept the feeling if it comes, and try again.

I also think there would be little success in any area without goals. If a depressed person comes to therapy to get better and the therapist just writes a note that says "I will assist patient in overcoming depression", and the insurance pays $75 per visit, if I were the insurance company that was doing the paying, I would want to know how the therapist plans on doing this. Are you just going to listen to the client until they are better?

More realistically, the goal :reduce depressive symtoms, objectives:1-assist client in identifying xyz
2-provide client with information that x
3-encourage client to abc
Many therapists have clients sign these treatment plans, some do not. Even those who do not, likely have a treatment plan in the file somewhere. It keeps the therapist accountable. It prevents them from loosing sight of why you are here for treatment.

Right now I have a problem with setting and following goals, but I didnt always, and was much better when I had written goals. Nearly every job performance evaluation has goals and objectives in writing.

 

[Srain]

Hope does not mean that I am going to sit here and hope my ship comes in.

Exactly, nicely put.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I am more/too concerned about the disappointment aspect of hope, so for me, another 'keep going'-strategy is more suitable.

I feel similar about having positive expectations or positive goal setting. And I think its ok not to have any expectations at all. But I sometimes have to be careful that I'm not avoiding positive expectations, by replacing them with negative expectations.

It's like having a line with positive at one end, negative at the other, and neutral in the middle. To stay in the middle and not swing too far either way I think is a good place for me to be. We're all different, and I think its quite important for people to find the strategies that work best for them.

 

[freakofnurture]

@Meadowsweet: Life's so complicated, it's ridiculous. I mostly don't think about what will happen, which would count as remaining neutral, I guess. Thing is, as much as that protects me from disappointment and enables me to face challenges without fear, it also causes me to run headfirst into situations which I could have known I wouldn't be able to handle.

I wish I could see the future. Would make some things so much easier...