The Endeavour For A Better And Happy Life

[rainy_daze]

Aim of thread: For people (and me, obviously) to post about what areas of their life they are working on or want to improve, to receive encouragement/support/challenging (if appropriate)/advice from other myPTSD users, and/or generally a place where someone can see their progress over time or identify the things they would like to change, and how to go about doing that.

I've been thinking about starting this thread for many months, and now is the right time. I might end up being the only person posting in here, but I'm fine with that. I'm very grateful to have a place to do this (thank you myPTSD forum runners).

There are many areas of my life I don't function well in and I'm unhappy with, so this is my attempt to feel happier about them.

It will require a great deal of effort on my part, and I'm aware that I may not be able to achieve it all, but that any small victory/progress that I have will make all the difference to my life and health in general. This is not a place/thread where I will verbally hate on myself for any mistakes I make or things I struggle with - it will be a thread where I figure out where I went wrong (if I went wrong), and what I can change.

Please feel free to join in, in any way you wish.

Here goes, this is my list...

Areas identified:

1. Social
2. Eating (healthily, and more)
3. Physical fitness and exercise
4. Chronic pain management
5. Employment and finances (including paying off debt)
6. Hobbies/activities/actual enjoyment of life
7. Physical and psychological well-being (this includes a lot of aspects, like self-care and symptom management)

Basically, most areas in my life :eek:. I realise they are very big tasks, and very big topics which can overlap. The key for me is not to be overwhelmed by it all, and accept that some of it will be easier to change than others, but that it's a work in progress. My life will be better 6 months from now, regardless of what happens. Hopefully.

As pathetic as this feels, like I'm learning to live life like an adult, even though I have been one for a long time, these are the areas I will be working on and sharing here. Any struggles, any achievements, any thoughts to understand things better. I'm looking forward to the journey, and in 6 months from now (roughly around 15th July 2014) I will be reading over parts of the thread to see how much I have managed, and what I can continue to do. I will probably post on this thread, and post in the Achievements section of the forum. If people are still around on the thread, I will continue to post here after that too, until my eventual goodbye from myPTSD, whenever that is.

I have PTSD and depression, and one bloody sore back, but I'm sick of being in this limbo of wanting to be better and wanting to be happier, and never achieving it. Sure, I have illnesses, but I see others on here living their lives and having fun. I'm sure I can get that too, even if it's tiring and painful trying to get there at first. Even if my brain is telling me this is stupid, I will ignore the verbal self-hatred and continue with it :ninja:.

I'm sure along this journey I will find many thread related to the areas above as well, and if there are any that aren't there, I may even start new ones. I will come back to the thread over the next while and write more about these area and what I'm doing. I'm already tired just thinking about it :sleep::hilarious:.

 

[RisingTide]

Good for you rainy - I love the idea of keeping track of achievements! I also have PTSD (C-PTSD) and have struggled with back pain, until I found a chiropractor that really helped.

I don't think it's "pathetic" that you're learning to live life like an adult even though in age you have been for a while. I can totally identify with that sentiment. I am definitely in the process of learning to live as an adult, and I'm 36 years old. :)

This is my first post on this forum, so I'm glad that it's to encourage a fellow traveler on the road to recovery.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Great post; I'll join in.

These are the areas I am working on...

1) Losing weight/eating healthy/exercising. I'm a binge eater so I struggle with food issues. I want to start running again but injured my knee last month, I think as a result of weakened muscles due to medication. I'm eating well again but the running will wait until at least next month.

2) Controlling my thought patterns. I struggle with obsessive thinking and it's my worst symptom, a "trigger" symptom if you will as it sets a lot of other bad things in motion. Improving this will improve everything else!

3) School....one day at a time! I tend to think too far into the future. I just want to get through this semester without trying to plan the next 10 years of my life, lol.

 

[rainy_daze]

It's wonderful to have you joining in @Solara :), and the honesty about your chosen areas is great. I really understand number 3 on your list. I like that you're not going to run until you're fully healed. This is something I will have to figure out, what exercise I can do with my back pain, and making sure I don't do too much. I like that you're not going to plan too far in advance also, and take education one day at a time.

I believe there is a healthy eating thread. Oh, funnily enough, I think you started that. It's in my watched threads for helping me with this 6 month plan. Here it is if anyone hasn't seen it: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-healthy-eating-thread.37448/

My eating is to do with eating more, however, but it's still a diet plan all the same. Too little is bad, too much can be bad. It's the balance I would like to achieve, for me.

 

[Rumors]

Great thread!!!!!!!!!

 

[crazy8]

I'll join too:

1. Identifying the times when I have irrational thought patterns associated with my PTSD, and learning to differentiate these thoughts from "real"/"true" thoughts. This usually involves incorrectly perceived mistreatment or control from other people, or general feelings of worthlessness.

2. Trusting God and reminding myself that I am loved and have a purpose on this earth (i.e., I should stay alive). Finding/feeling happiness from this

3. Finding and feeling joy in my life through my academic pursuits

 

[rainy_daze]

@RisingTide , welcome to the forum again (I spoke with you in chat, but it's nice to welcome you in a thread). Feel free to join in at any time, even if it's months later, as I'm here for at least 6 months. I don't know how long others will need to work on their plans.

I really want to eat strawberries now @crazy8 , that avatar looks amazing. I'm glad you've joined in too. Number 3 made me smile. Worthlessness makes me think that's a big area, any ideas on how you will or are working on that?

I'm looking forward to reading how people are doing with their missions/areas/endeavours.

2) Today, I ate breakfast. I rarely eat breakfast. In a couple of hours, I will eat a snack. Not sure what yet. Then I will eat lunch. Then later, dinner of course. I may even eat a tin of strawberries, because I have some in my cupboard and that crazy8 avatar has made me want them. I will also drink more water, because I'm really bad for not drinking water as well. So this is good, because if I stick to that I'll have eaten and drank more than I did yesterday. There's no reason I cannot stick to this plan today. , and it's important I keep that in mind when I feel hunger and I just ignore it. It's a bad habit that is stopping.

Feeling hopeful because people Liked the post and because of the responses, and those joining in. Very happy, thank you for the support and the company on the journey :). There are threads that are similar to this - one I was thinking about was The Happiness Advantage https://www.myptsd.com/threads/open-challenge-the-happiness-advantage-starting-april-1st.32299/ - there's some great ideas in that one, such as

Stay in your own heads y'all, and see what happens. It's been my personal experience that it's worth a risk to attempt new things.

Words of wisdom from @The Albatross . I will be trying something new during this 6 months. It's generally a nice idea that thread as well, but I never joined in because I felt it was too difficult at the time, for some reason (I think it was the "exercise" part which scared me - ouch for my back).

 

[Everhopeful]

Thank you for this opportunity, I'm a supporter, may I join in? I have a lot of areas to improve, and being newly married to my husband (who suffers from Complex PTSD and either Bipolar Mood Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder, or both) has launched me onto a path of learning and trying to develop insight into myself:

1) Stop suppressing and denying the degree to which my childhood and family was dysfunctional and damaging to me;

2) Recapitulate on my past to date (44 years) and the path I have been travelling in my life - how I have been denying myself joy and freedom from anxiety and worry - find some resolution and move on with hope and a more positive mindset;

3) Move away from my deeply entrenched "rescuer" role. Admit to myself the degree to which I have gone through my life to date with family, friends and life partners being completely co-dependent towards them. Stop preoccupying myself so intensely with the wellbeing of others whilst neglecting my own wellbeing;

4)Accepting myself as a person of worth and not feeling that I have to prove myself to everyone to make me interesting to them or worthy of their acceptance and love;

5) Keep on attending to my physical (and mental and spiritual) wellbeing, but finding more balance with this, than has been the case in my past (eg, to take regular excercise, walking and running, but not to the point of exhaustion any more; and eating healthily, but not to the point of extreme habits or extreme avoidance of certain foodstuffs. Eat a chocolate or a pastry now and again and really savour it, not feel riddled with guilt and self-loathing!!);

6) Accept that I will never have a "normal" family of origin and that my mother will pass away one day in the not too distant future (she is 70 years of age) and I will probably not have heard and felt what I need from her - an expression of remorse for what we were put through during childhood with her selection of dysfunctional partners after my parents' divorced. And needing to have her acceptance of my choice of husband at this late stage of my life (I married at the late age of 44!). Accept that this may never happen.

7) Accept that I probably cannot change my line of work any more, now that I am a sole breadwinner for my husband and myself. I am not going to find my purpose in life in my job any more - accept that I need to find my purpose in other areas of my life. Try to explore what options I have in this regard.

Thank you!

 

[Tinyflame]

I like @crazy8 's #2 and @Everhopeful 's last one. Well I like everyone's choices.

I have to start really small and try daily to treat myself as a 'human'. Try to stop the self-hatred talk. And cut myself slack for feeling terror. (And eating all the cookies. :p )

:hug:

 

[Britt.f7]

@rainy_daze I am going to copy and edit your list for myself. I see many things on there that I need to do. Instead of chronic pain, I have chronic illnesses that are not going to go away so I have to learn how to adapt around them. I have already started working on self esteem, but that is a work in progress. I had to be comfortable with what I look like, I think, before I can actually lose weight healthily. I'm still working on that. I do chime into Solara's thread on eating well. I'm terrible at not eating enough for the body to sustain itself. I can only imagine the damage I am doing. I know it effects the energy. I need to get social and have normal social activities. I finally admitted to a long time friend, today, that I have a hard time leaving my house. She didn't know, but asked what she could do to help.

I'm going to pay attention to this thread. I am trying to do similar things in my own life. Thank you for starting this thread.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Doing well on the eating healthy bit, but sugar/carb withdrawals are making me feel sick. Ugh. Yes, I was that much of a sugar junkie!

Stressing about school still. Not sure if I can handle 2 classes, but will give it a try. I have until Tuesday to make up my mind.

Working on the thought issue. Today I realized that the repetitiveness is much more than I originally thought.

 

[rainy_daze]

I'm a supporter, may I join in

Of course you can :), it's very encouraging to have anyone here, sufferer, supporter or both. I like your first and second ones very much. Denial used to be my middle name ;). This one strikes a huge chord with me:

Move away from my deeply entrenched "rescuer" role

I'd be very interested if you ever feel like sharing more about how you're working on that/a discussion about the role of a rescuer. I have lots to say about it, but I will do that later. I have a Psychology thing I will look out (probably when I'm working on 7) Well-being, because part of this for me involves clearing out old stuff and I did a course many years ago which involved learning about roles). Hopefully I will be able to find a link to it, which talks about the roles we play in life. I remember thinking at the time I was not only a "rescuer" and a "fixer", as well as someone who slipped into the "over-identifier" role sometimes, but also a "person in need of rescuing" and a "victim". Many roles. I don't reject them, but would like to acknowledge them more and improve more. I prefer being a "survivor" as opposed to a "victim". I really like that you're deciding not to neglect yourself too, Everhopeful.

@Solara you could always try the two classes and see how you get on with them? You have a bit time to think about it, which is good, no need to rush the decision.

@Britt.f7 you're very welcome. I know you find it hard to leave the house, and I feel good when you manage to go watch your son play sports and things (is it American football he plays? my mind is going blank). Well done on confiding in a friend about it. That's a huge step in my opinion. I considered trying to force myself to leave the house everyday, but there's a lot I need to do sometimes to be able to leave. For example, I can mostly leave if I have a therapy appointment to attend, but if I haven't got a reason to leave, then I don't. I also find it really hard to go there on my own. I'm a grown woman, so I find this needs to change. So I need to start on making some more reasons to leave and being more confident, even if it is as simple as going for a walk 3) Exercise. A lot of my list overlaps.

There is a thread by @Abstract which I also have in my watch list as it is very spot on for some things I need and want to do: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-all-do-we-need-to-do-to-treat-childhood-trauma-and-heal.37609/ I will need to re-read it when I feel ready. I think it's a great list, and if people haven't read it, I think it's good for people who have been treated badly (understatement).

@Junebug , if you're going to be eating cookies and feeling fine about it then you better bring some for all of us ;).

I will probably end up liking every post on these pages, so forgive me if it's annoying in advance :O_o:. It's nice to have everyone here with honesty and the will to change things. If I get too mushy for anyone, I'm sorry, I can't help it right now :hug:.

(Edit: any links or threads you're finding helpful please share)