The Endeavour For A Better And Happy Life

[Tinyflame]

Oh I'm the same @rainy_daze , as regards breakfast and lunch, and 'forgetting' in general. :hug:

Oh my, 20 minutes doing that -wow, if you can! :tup: :laugh: No, I meant 20 minutes exercising, doing an activity you like, the candles, etc. Maybe both? :)

Thank you for your encouragement dear rainy_daze. :hug:

 

[rainy_daze]

I think after about 2 minutes of thinking about what I'd achieved in a day I would have ran out of thing to think about Junebug ;). Misunderstood what you meant :D. I really want to see that I'm making progress and start tackling what is holding me back, so I think spending time reflecting on it will be a great benefit, as well as keeping focus on the present, and not letting months go by with the same depressive behaviours [20 minutes is too long to think, better for me to be doing more].

They are very tough habits to break though. As if I'm somehow trying to step out of my default mode. It's 3.30pm and I've ate nothing. I don't even feel hunger. This one is clearly something I need to discuss again with the T, but that is weeks away, so I'll have to come up with something to motivate me to eat :eek:.

I have too much to say about the time-warp and the distortion of feeling like something was recent, when years have gone by. I might type it out in my trauma diary.

do a few minutes of exercise each day, especially for my back

What exercises are you doing for your back?

I suffer from a back problem and was advised to avoid high-impact things, which is a shame because I really like running. I was advised to try swimming [a problem with body issues, getting to the pool and cost], yoga/gentle exercises [I've looked online, but there are so mnay kinds of yoga, where do I start?] and walking [ugh, leaving the house, to walk around a crappy area that you hate]. I'm supposed to do specific stretching/muscle strengthening exercises several times a day, but I've forgotten them all over the years. Physiotherapy of any kind was a long time ago.

I want to get on top of this, but I usually make the following excuses ^ and this one: I will exercise properly when I'm eating enough. While there is a logical argument that eating enough is important (I'd hate to collapse while working out), because I make this excuse and others I add to my chronic pain because I don't exercise. I'm drawn to yoga. I need a lot of work in this area. It's tough :sick:.

I realised how little I drink when I was looking at this thread:

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/how-much-water-do-you-drink.30758/

My partner says that's a reason I'll get headaches too. It's not that I'm not thirsty, I just don't drink anything for hours on end. I don't feel the urge to, or I don't notice. I'm so busy being in my head and not my body. I imagine if I was hydrated and well-fed I might be a slightly happier person :sorry::wtf:.

When you are quitting smoking Junebug [this is on my to do list as well :eek:, I started after stopping recently], drinking a lot of water might help with cravings and flushing nicotine away. Let me know when you're quitting smoking - I may be brave enough to join you.

I think all of these things contribute to every area of my life and to happiness/ peace.

They're all very positive things for health, and maybe even the ability to handle stress better, which makes life happier :). I'm hoping I can get to that stage, where I'm doing more of those things and struggling less. Well done to you. I have tons more questions for you but the post is too long :happy:. I'll save them for another rainy day..

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw Dear @rainy_daze , sounds like we are thinking in the same direction.

Oh really, not much to applaud in terms of self-care on my part, I also eat one meal a day (normally), almost zero fluids and simply 'push through'. But I was thinking 2 things. The first is obvious, 'crisis mode' (feeling or reality) seems to dictate and 'request' or demand that. But also, I was thinking as you have said, if I ate more normally etc, maybe it would give me more energy? Make life easier/ better to handle stress. I thought maybe I don't want breakfast (a really repulsive thought to eat), or lunch for that matter, was thinking maybe it's from eating late (makes sense.. but..) , I never wanted to eat breakfast, remember my mom having a hard time to get me to eat. I think it's anxiety, it's worst in the morning. Same with smoking (because of the anxiety).

The back exercises I came up with a combination of my own about 10 years ago. I can share them if you want. My trouble areas are neck, shoulder, hip, one ankle a litle bit, sometimes thoracic area, usually guts that refer pain to lower back (I'm guessing). I do love to walk however(reduces anxiety :rolleyes: , helps me deal with what I am feeling), but am afraid of water, joints/ lungs not capable of high impact either. Have thought of yoga but I'm a bit too wound up, I fear. Pilates no good with my back/ neck. But dancing is always :tup: .

I don't know how to quit smoking and get through the anxiety. :( But that would be a big one.

((((((((Dear rainy_daze))))))))))) . I will look for your diary! :tup: :) :hug:

 

[rainy_daze]

I feel quite sick a lot in the morning. Eating in the morning doesn't make me feel well at all, but I think it's just because I'm not used to it. I haven't really ate breakfast consistently in my life, ever.

[Edit: I have never eaten consistently in my life, ever. My T said months ago it is about control, and lots of child abuse survivors experience this kind of relationship with eating/food. *Shrugs*. I have noticed there are a few people struggling with these issues on here, and I think some have had abusive childhoods... so maybe there's something in that. Maybe I could use that unconscious need for control, make it more conscious and use it to eat better? This is a tough one. My eating is really unhealthy. I want to fix it, but I'm very stubborn. Very lazy.]

I just realised: My body isn't nice to me because I don't treat it very well = :spitdummy::arghh;:cry::laugh:. No wonder I'm so lazy.


I think I will need a wide variety of things to help me quit smoking, including distraction techniques and a bucket load of water and healthy snacks. Oh, and will power, if it is even a real thing ;), all I know is that the nicotine addiction most definitely is real.

I'm going to find some exercises for my back that would be helpful, and I really want to start swimming as soon as possible, hopefully this week coming or the next again.

It would be great and helpful if you could share your back exercises when you want to, thanks :hug: @Junebug

 

[rainy_daze]

2) Controlling my thought patterns.

3) School

Still unable to exercise

How are you getting on with everything, Solara?

a fellow traveler on the road to recovery.

How are you doing on your journey, RisingTide?

@Rumors , you're quiet. *waving at you* I'm glad you like the thread idea. Hopefully I'm not waffling too much :hilarious:. I wonder how many times I will say the word waffle and how many hugs I will give :hug:, or alternative things, like good vibes. Good vibes for all.

1. Identifying the times when I have irrational thought patterns associated with my PTSD

Any progress with this crazy8? How are you?

@Everhopeful , you have a nice long list like me :rolleyes::D. How are you managing?

what I am learning, I'm thankful for that and much... I'm also really quite amazed at many things.

My brain is starting to shut down, I feel it going into hibernation mode where rest will take place as I've had learning overload recently :wacky:. Any more things that have amazed you or that you've learned that you want to share Junebug? I'm listening :headphone:. [Frasier, tv show, reference there. I hope someone gets it :confused:].

I need to get social and have normal social activities

How are you getting on with the social side Britt? How's losing weight going? How's the self image?

I'm going away for a forum break, so I wanted to update this thread before I go. Hoping when I get back there will be a reply or two to read :). If not I'll tag you all again and bug you :p, just kidding.

I'm not doing tremendously well [Edit: Wow, look at the minimisation. Yesterday and the day before was awful. I truly can't even describe it and what it was like. Flashbacks are beyond dangerous. Horrendous too. I nearly feel through the shower screen. I didn't eat the entire day. No more minimising for me, I think that's not the best habit. I'm proud I recognised that there].

I've been talking about trauma recently (with therapist a a week or so ago, and my partner), I wrote about some things that were on my mind, then I had a flashback in the shower. Symptoms all came crashing in on me and I ended up on the hall floor in tears, then I spaced out for about an hour. :(. It was bound to happen though.

. People spend so much time hiding all their trauma and trying to reduce their symptoms, that they don't understand that by exposing your brain to the trauma, allowing and accepting symptom increase to occur, that it is short term pain for long term gain. Your brain removes its wall of denial, suppression, secrets even, and begins to release the negative emotional components within. Once you get rid of them, once you get past that initial worst stage, it does get easier to continue, as you would be finding. The initial stages of breaking through trauma is the worst, and for some, often worse than living the trauma in the first instance.

What is hoped that some are now discovering, being generally those who have been upon this board actively discussing their issues and others’ for several months now, is that if you walk away from this board for a week or two, you should start to feel better than you have before. The reason is that you need to allow your mind some space to recover, and constant exposure will not give you that space – i.e., if you’re on this board every day constantly, you are getting no recovery time. I understand that you may be telling yourself and believing you need to be dependent upon this board, or even your counsellor who you may have on speed dial, but a counsellor will tell you the same thing: that you need time to process, analyse and reflect upon what you have learnt.

That thread is brilliant: Reading Forum Increases Symptoms in the Announcements section.

A little forum holiday is what's needed. In a couple of weeks I have a therapy appointment, coupled with my complete spike in symptoms [I don't get many flashbacks, more often I get visual memories and say "no" out loud, or twitch or some body reaction, the nightmares, insomnia, dissociation, and so on], so this seems like an ideal time, to have a break before talking about some stuff with my therapist. I'm hoping I can rest well and do something nice with my partner :inlove:.

Update:
Areas identified:

1. Social = been managing okay with this, but only people visiting, I'm not handling outdoors well at all, and mostly staying in.
2. Eating (healthily, and more) = Complete struggle, barely eating. Needs fixing.
3. Physical fitness and exercise
4. Chronic pain management
5. Employment and finances (including paying off debt) = Budget is fine. Feeling crap I can't buy anything and I've even lessened the amount of food I by, however, I'm positive I'm getting there. No job searching yet, that's a while off.
6. Hobbies/activities/actual enjoyment of life = I need some more enjoyment, but I have been managing to concentrate on films (not tuning out constantly) and I made cakes. I've been playing some new games. I'm improving here.
7. Physical and psychological well-being (this includes a lot of aspects, like self-care and symptom management) = No comment today.

See you all in a wee while.

:)s and :hug:s and / or :photogenic:. I hope you like your metaphorical photograph being taken :eek:. Say cheese :D:roflmao:.

 

[Britt.f7]

@rainy_daze I'm trying very hard to hang in there. Things have been horrible the last few days(is something going around?). I was definitely suicidal and my self esteem has plummeted but we are trying to get things back on track with medicine adjustments.

I am so sorry to hear you are having difficulties. Take care of yourself and know I always have a hand for you to hold.

 

[rainy_daze]

It'll be April tomorrow, so it's time to update this thread.

Areas identified:

1. Social = I've tried to maintain contact with friends via text. I haven't seen much of my family at all. Struggling.
2. Eating (healthily, and more) = Complete write off.
3. Physical fitness and exercise = Does changing channels on the TV remote count?
4. Chronic pain management = My back hasn't been too sore. I haven't been taking any pain killers, and have only thought about doing so a few times. I realise my back hasn't been too sore because I'm in hermit mode just now though. Less activity, less pain.
5. Employment and finances (including paying off debt) = I do worry about my finances. I'm trying to realise that there is little I can do about debt until I have work, and I know I'm not well enough to work yet. If I can't cope with looking after my basic care needs, I'm going to struggle to find and keep a job. I spent £50 on myself last week, and I feel rotten about it. I decided that is was £50 I needed to spend on myself, and that as long as I keep paying my credit cards regularly, things will work out.
6. Hobbies/activities/actual enjoyment of life = I have thought about doing things. Then I haven't done them. I really would like to do something. I don't know how to get the motivation. I managed to go shopping, but apart from that, I've been indoors, playing computer games, watching TV and sleeping.
7. Physical and psychological well-being = There have been days where I've done well with self-care, in terms of washing and eating one meal. It's still nowhere near what I would like to be doing though. I've been working on my sleeping pattern the past week. I guess it's one thing at a time. Maybe if the sleep gets better, the rest will start to follow more.

I'm still committed to getting there. It's helpful, even though painful, to see where I'm at. The positives are really just not taking any painkillers and managing to go shopping. Both of which are difficult things for me. Also attempting the psychiatrists advice regarding sleeping. I'm still not convinced it's the greatest advice, but it's worth a shot.

I'm still not functioning. I'm still entrenched in inactivity. [I'm proud that I'm at least being honest, and not pretending that I'm fine. I lost the ability to soldier on some time ago.]

I've decided that for April my only task is to do the things I want to do that are possible. Realistic things. For example, I want to live in a sunny country and a nice house, but of course that isn't going to be happening any time soon, if it ever happens.

I'm very tired of saying "yes" to people when I want to say "no". I'm tired of worrying and being in this house. So I'm hoping if I take off the pressure that is often caused by financial constraints, I might be able to go and do things that I want. I might be able to pull myself out of this grief rut that I'm stuck in. [I also have a doctor's appointment and therapy this month - both of which cannot come soon enough].

Any thoughts, anyone? How are you all doing?

 

[ptsdsolution]

For me, inspirational quotes and music have the most positive impact. Some examples are

Amy Steinberg Exactly- great song and always builds me up

words like
I exhale worry ... and inhale peace.
I release tension ... and accept tranquillity.
I breathe out fear ... and breathe in courage.
I let go of all anger ... and and welcome love.
I release my sadness ... and receive joy.

and a favorite quote

"Anyone can give up; it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength." Christopher Reeves

I just keep repeating these and others and I am lifted to a better place

 

[The Albatross]

I am sad this went by the wayside for me. I need to think about this as it's a really great thread.

 

[rainy_daze]

@The Albatross thanks. Hopefully by the end of it I'll be able to see all the positives, and know what else I still want to work on. Come back and share once you've had a think if you like :).

@ptsdsolution , I really liked your mantras, especially the one about breathing in peace. I haven't heard the Amy Steinberg song, so I will listen to that. Do you say these things quite often? Did you build mantras into your routine, or did you find that you think/say them only in times of need?

I release my sadness and receive joy; I've been crying so much recently, maybe it's in preparation for some joy, or the capability of joy :D that would be nice :rolleyes:.

 

[rainy_daze]

Gosh, she's fantastic, that song is so cool, with the fast rap/singing part. I don't think I've heard her music before. Thanks ptsdsolution.

 

[Teasel]

So I'm hoping if I take off the pressure I might be able to go and do things that I want. I might be able to pull myself out of this grief rut that I'm stuck in.

I think this is key, I struggle the same way you do, and often find I do better if I take preassure off myself

I wish you all the best with this and would like to join in occasionally :)