The Endeavour For A Better And Happy Life

[Tinyflame]

Sorry I don't know why but it's not registering my typing here, so I must stop. Will type more if it improves, my computer? I hope you won't blme yourself, re: the morning. :hug:

PS, my computer won't show 1st letter of the 'x'lph'x'bet, now, either. Sorry to Mods!

 

[rainy_daze]

Smoking is self-harm, and an addiction. Yet I understand about it grounding you. I don't relate to the energy part. Does nicotine have that effect? Or do you feel it wakes you up more? I found that interesting.

Somewhere someone posted about how their cigarette became something that made them feel safer when outdoors (I only vaguely remember this, so I can't post the thread). I think for me it is about that. It calms me down, and it can be used to burn someone in the face if they try to attack me. I don't always think this way, but sometimes I do, if it's dark and walking when not many people are out. I smoke a lot more when I'm outside. I want to quit, but I would like to be really mentally prepared. It's a big task.

@Junebug , dancing in chat has helped pull me up a little when I've been down. It's silly fun :D. I urge everyone to party a little in chat more :tup:.

:hug: and/or healing vibes to you all. I'm going on my forum break now [after I check some threads]. It's needed. Lots of self care right now is needed also. :brb: at some point.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I agree @rainy_daze . And it totally wakes me up. I think from forcing fat immediately into the bloodstream, maybe?, (hence -> clogged arteries). Maybe I notice because I usually don't eat (1 meal/ day most of my life). It does eventually pass though.

Enjoy your break! :) :hug: :hug:

 

[rainy_daze]

Struggles: Fears, memories, friendships, stress, illness and therapy ending. Money crises :tdown:.

I have lots to say about my endeavour and what I've achieved, and still hope to continue achieving. I will :brb: about them all :happy:, it has been a long couple of days and I'm tired.

If anyone is still around on the thread, how are you doing with struggles and/or achievements? Are there things you are working on?

Healing vibes to sufferers and supporters. You've all made my life better by reading, supporting and sharing. It's difficult to express. A :hug: or a :coffee: or something nice :D. I think we all deserve something nice :laugh:.

 

[greenleaf]

Hi @rainy_daze, do let us know about your achievements! Thank you, healing vibes, hugs, and hopes for some nice good luck to you as well.

I'm working on trying to connect with whatever is in my neck muscles. I am having some success; it's very hard to describe but an area will feel sort of itchy in the muscles near the joints, and after some time of this the area feels sort of more open, and I can feel the internal feelings better. I'm also noticing when I have spaced out again... that seems to sometimes re-tense the muscles... Maybe it's some progress, though, to at least start noticing this.

I found a good book: "Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation".

 

[rainy_daze]

@greenleaf , is the book by Boon, Steele and van der Hart? I read a review on psych central about that one. I'm not in therapy right now, so I'm not sure if it would be good for me to use it. I'm wondering if group therapy next year will be similar to the book, in that there will be homework and it will be divided into sections with skills training.

Feel free to expand on the book any time greenleaf :), or about connecting to the feeling in your neck muscles, or anything :tup:.

Maybe it's some progress

I think that is progress greenleaf. I think noticing these things is the first part in figuring out how to manage.

Dealing with chronic pain and knotted muscles are not my strong point. I've been trying to relax my shoulders more. It is challenging.

 

[xena21]

I'm not in therapy right now, so I'm not sure if it would be good for me to use it.

Why are you not in therapy? It sounds like a good place for you to be.

Anyway, therapy is at least a start. I hope you find someone that listens well.

 

[rainy_daze]

@xena21 , I've finished therapy, which was time-limited. I can't afford any. I have no income.

I posted about what I've learned from therapy here: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-have-you-learned-from-therapy.45051/ [there are probably more things I learned, but I haven't had the energy to post about them yet]

I won't lie, I'm struggling. But I'm trying to utilise the coping skills I have. I took the therapy offered and I did my best, and now I'm trying to manage PTSD, plus stressors, plus relationships, plus building a life for myself that I want.

I will start a group (kind of) therapy next year, which will be delivered more like a skills class. Presumably for people with PTSD or trauma from childhood or complex trauma. I don't know. I found it difficult to know what my therapist was saying when she spoke about it, but I felt assured it would be beneficial for me. It's free too. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, as they say.

This site and therapy was my start :tup::). Now, I will keep on going and live life.

 

[greenleaf]

@rainy_daze, that is indeed the book. You could probably find sections that are helpful while you're waiting for the group to start. We could talk about it here too! There are very good sections just on relaxation exercises for instance.

I found it very helpful in that lots of material in it resonates with what I've been experiencing. I feel really relieved when I find these sections, like "finally..." I started reading things trying to work on this stuff about 25 years ago and this is the first time I have found some stuff put into words; I knew some of it nonverbally, sort of, but ignored it because, well, what other options were there? Also, if you're trying to ignore something, you also have to ignore that you're ignoring it! ::whistling: Some stuff I find myself turning to another page from really quickly, but one can do that.

It's got material for both ddnos and did.

Two of the authors are Dutch. There seems to have been some really helpful research in the Netherlands re. ptsd with dissociation. Another reason to love the Dutch! :) Everyone should try poffertjes.

 

[rainy_daze]

:hungry: poffertjes sound yummy. I wonder if I can buy them at a market. I want some now :laugh:. I don't think I'm a brave enough cook to make them myself.

I'm seriously considering this book now :bookworm:, especially because you said it has material for DDNOS (dissociative disorder not otherwise specified). I think it's maybe called something else now, but in therapy I was told not to get to hung up on the label, and think of it as dissociation. I drove myself mad at first with the label, until I accepted that dissociation helped me survive. It's protective. However, it has messed up some things for me fairly recently, which caused me to feel embarrassed and useless. I'm not useless.

If I can get this book it would fall under physical and psychological well-being. If I do @greenleaf I will start a thread about it and then that will count as social too, if we have a discussion together :D.

 

[rainy_daze]

Lots of Ifs in my own post I notice ^.

Update on the areas I've been trying to work on:

Social: I've managed to maintain contact with a few friends. The struggle is one of them is so loud, angry and self-involved that I found it difficult to be around. I know I can be all three of those things [sometimes], but what I wanted was to have a quiet day with my friend. I ended up going home exhausted and feeling terrible about myself. I'm not sure what to do with that. Maybe have some distance for a while from that friend.

Eating: I'm eating more, but probably not healthily. It's a work in progress. I sometimes just don't want to eat. Sometimes I'm hungry and I want something specific, but there isn't any of it in my house, so I don't eat instead. Bad habit.

Physical fitness and exercise: I've managed several walks. I'm still pretty lazy. I'm smoking less, but starting to hate cigarettes a great deal. The taste, the smell and the damage they might be doing to me. I'm scared to set a quit date. I'm scared to be around other smokers when I have quit :facepalm:.

Chronic pain management: I pushed myself too hard recently, and paid the price. Lesson learned. I need more breaks.

Employment and finances: :yuck::banghead: I can't think about it at this precise moment. [I do have a budget, albeit in the form of plastic cards]

Hobbies/activities/actual enjoyment of life: Um, does watching television and movies count? I think I want to get myself better enjoyment than that.

Physical and psychological well-being: I've been getting medical help when I've needed it and I've finished therapy. I'm considering the consequences of booze and fags :cautious:.

There are some achievements in there. I went to a party and didn't take drugs that were floating around. I think that counts as an achievement right there. [I did drink too much though :grumpy: and thinking about how I can stop drinking altogether.] It was sort of exposure therapy because I'm shy/nervous, even if other people don't know that.

:happy: Still happy to be breathing better.[DOUBLEPOST=1403011833,1403011608][/DOUBLEPOST]

Also, if you're trying to ignore something, you also have to ignore that you're ignoring it!

Very true.

 

[greenleaf]

:hungry: poffertjes sound yummy. I wonder if I can buy them at a market. I want some now :laugh:. I don't think I'm a brave enough cook to make them myself.

If I can get this book it would fall under physical and psychological well-being. If I do @greenleaf I will start a thread about it and then that will count as social too, if we have a discussion together :D.

@rainy_daze, I have a deep conviction that poffertjes will change your life. Especially ones with chocolate, whipped cream, and fruit!! :hungry: Providing that you like those things of course. It can be hard to find a real poffertjes pan, so you could start by making really little pancakes. Then put real whipped cream all over them. Soon you will be having them for three meals a day. Well, maybe breakfast?

I am pretty sure that merely thinking of "poffertjes" counts toward social, physical, and psychological well-being.
:):happy:

A thread on the book would be really wonderful, I would like that.