The Eyes Have It - Looking People in The Eyes

[jods]

I'm an eye contact person. I know why hubby struggles to do this at the moment with me. I tell him if he can just pick a freckle on my face (many to choose from, lol) & look at that instead.

 

[GR-ass]

I hate giving eye contact. I tend to fake it, focus on either peoples mouths or their chests.

I do however, when wearing sunglasses, tend to stare at people. I hate making eye contact, even (or rather especially) with family.

 

[anthony]

Jade, try this one then to help you begin building some self esteem and confidence once again; [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread2315.html[/DLMURL].

 

[jade]

Cannot hold eye contact with family for more than a second or two. Enough to look at them but not long enough for a reaction. Still too much fear of seein disappointment, anger, now i'm even adding in pity.
I did look at my self yesterday in a mirror. Just my face but I actually really looked at the image staring back at me. Not quite ready to look at the rest of my self yet.
No I did not like what I saw. My first though was when the hell did I get so old? I know that is my image looking back at me but it was more like looking at an empty shell. There is no life in my eyes no inkling that there is life inside. Qutie honestly it was looking at myself post-mortum. Reminder of why I don't look in the mirror?

 

[Deleted member 93]

Lisa, that will change. There is a post a while back of me saying I did not know who that was in the mirror as it sure as hell was not me! It gets better I can certainly say.

And my ex... That asshole. He said the eye contact thing was a cop thing (do not listen to his advice again asshole). If a guy could or would hold your stare he was up to no good or a cop. He said normal people look away. I got into a habit briefly of seeing if people would hold my stare or look away. The ones that held it... Total creep out mode. Certainly a confidence thing.

 

[jade]

Growing up with my dad eye contact was a form of disrespect and retaliation. To look my dad in the eye meant you were trying to defend yourself and that was a no, no, . Just a harsher punishment. With him it was either his way or no way at all.

 

[Deleted member 93]

sign of submission on the most primitave level...

 

[jade]

Could you explain this to me? It seems as if my brain isn't awake right now. Just need a nudge. Thanks.

 

[anthony]

I would say something opposite though to what veiled has just said, in that this depends on culture. Whilst Western culture eye contact is a sign of strength, confidence and honesty, in other cultures it is a sign of disrespect, ie. Chinese, Japanese and some other Asian cultures. Eye contact in those cultures could get you killed, because it is a sign of aggression and other traits.

 

[Deleted member 93]

yeah, don't keep up on the cultrual differences much... But really I posted it thinking like in the way a dog acts.

 

[jade]

Yes, I see myself as a dog cowering. As we learnd early not to voice ourselves as children I learned to react with my eyes. My father always took this as a form of rebellion. Rebellion=punishment.How do you over come the guilt?

 

[Deleted member 93]

Well, first why do you feel guilty? What do you feel guilty about?