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The f*cking Lonliness..........

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G. Stark

New Here
I don't even know what to say...f*ck the VA and their MEDS. They don't work...trying to raise a teen daughter. Always questioning myself...heads always RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING.
Shit got smashed today. Hasn't happened in awhile, but today it did. Ended up with cuts all over my ankle from putting it through a plastic piece o shit box fan.
NO ONE TO TALK TO...this is gay.
 
Feel like I'm always thinking.
Can't stop my head.
It's a challenge to find clothes to wear in the morning.
I spend 2 hours a day at the gym 5 days a week as well as use the shed at home.
People look at me wrong I want to hurt them. Bad.
I always feel like a Shitty dad. I feel like I'm ruining her, because of this f*cking PTSD shit.
I smoke so much weed it doesn't work anymore.
Can't find a church, they're full of two faced f*cking hypocrites that are fudge packed to the brim with SELF ENTITLEMENT.
What I fought for was lies.
My Countrys current state makes me f*cking sick.
This is stupid...
 
Hey buddy, I may be a world away but I feel your pain.

To start with you are not alone, there is usually someone awake and on this forum, you just have to ask if you need someone to chat to.
Introductions and other posts can get left a week depending on state of mind.

Now to some statements you made.

As far as the VA and medications, well they are just doing a job. They may not do it well, but they are trying. You think about it for a second.
Everybody is different, everybody's conditions are different, and everybody's physical body reacts differently to different meds. And how many hundred thousand Americans, Canadians, Brits, etc served, and how many have problems.

I am in the middle of a change myself and don't like the world or anything in it. I blasted my beautiful wife for the way the kettle was sitting in the corner. WTF is that shit. If one medication does not work, try another, don't just give up, especially raising a child, I know. I raised my son from nine years old as a single father, he is 18 tomorrow. You will find the right combination if you try. Too many people just say f*ck the VA and smoke weed.

Being in the middle of a change, I can't remember whether I changed my clothes in the morning or they were the same ones I used yesterday.

People don't look at you strangely, they look at everyone strange, it's society. f*ck them, let them look, it costs nothing.

As far as being a parent, kids look at us as heroes, my youngest son is 18 today and in Australia, it's old enough to go into a pub and drink, it's old enough to buy smokes and old enough to do a lot of things, he has chosen his life.

Don't worry about the country right now or why they sent you there. You signed the line to do what they said, that's all. Don't get caught up in the political crap. Don't read the bullshit journalists put up.

This is a good place mate.

Jimmy
 
The f*cking Lonliness..........

Welcome Brother, we can't solve your issues but we can listen. Take a knee, your among friendlies here.

Lots of folks here have issues with Meds, VA and weed. Your not alone in that arena - are you doing any therapy?
NO ONE TO TALK TO...this is gay.
Talking with other combat Vets is critical to dealing with what we know as *The Beast* (PTSD).

The VA has a well kept secret - Vet Centers. Not sure where your at but check with the VA website there is one in you neighborhood.

In the mean time hang your hat here.

Ba
 
Some of us on this forum are old Nam vet's, we have been dealing with PTSD (The Beast) before it had a name.
We are still walking after all these years and so can you. It will take some time and hard work.......
What Jimmy and Ba said is the truth. As Ba said try to find one of the Vet Centers.....

J R
 
Ditto the vet centers. I really think I would not be here but for them. When I needed a kick in the ass, and I needed it often, I got one. When I needed someone, not to sympathize (f*ck sympathy), but just to listen and understand ('cause they were there too), I got that too.

I wish we could have helped those guys that took their own life. I hope you are not one of them. The VA helpline actually works too. Those people care. But you have to pick up the phone. If you don't. recognize the spiral of thoughts at least. We are here too.
 
Welcome G...take your time and have a look around. Start in the Media section Many of us have said and felt exactly the same as you. Keep pushing forward. You can't help your family until you help yourself. Glad you are exercising. Keep adding more coping skills to your arsenal of ways to deal with each of the shit storms you have to deal with all the time. Start identifying what is causing those hard times to so you can avoid them or limit your exposure to the triggers.

Peace.
 
First off, Happy Birthday to your son, Jimmy. Well, I get to start all over. Got Vet group next week. Still seeing my private therapist and shrink. But start over. It sucks. I knew I was going to die of cancer. I don't have that kind of luck to be cured. Now, I sit here thinking WTF??? I figured my aneurysm would pop while they were treating my cancer. Now I sit here thinking WTF???

But I do get to start over. A do-over.

The first rule is don't kill myself while trying to save it. Second is spend more time listening to others and less to myself. Myself is trying to kill myself. Don't ask me why, the details are confusing. You have the added bonus of a child. You have more to live for than I do. Don't screw it up for them. It's rough enough for kids these days.

Hang tough, eyes on the road ahead (altho you guys have a special affinity for roads, I hear). This stupid disease isn't worth dying over.

Sarg
 
The road to happiness is not one long sweet ride but a combination of steps taken one after another, some perfect, most not.

It begins with one step, perfect or imperfect. It takes balls to make that step.
 
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