The "f" Word Will Help You Heal!!

[Deleted member 34535]

Is life good or what? How something as simple as forgiveness can be so contraversial. You have to love it. I know I do,. Thanks to everyone for the diverse res

Let me start by saying that I think of myself as "Christian" even though other people who call themselv...

You got it in my humble opinion. Dead spot on!!!
ponses.

 

[BlueOrange]

@Geoffry777 , your positive intent is easy to see. But for me (as for many others), the way you're expressing it is problematic. Moderators here are much faster to act than in other spaces, and the 'normal rules of the Internet' do not apply here - standards are much stricter. I speak now in an effort to spare you the embarrassment that I experienced when I was banned (and to let you know in advance that there is such a thing as a 'temporary ban' in this place).

Forgiveness is purgative 4 ur sake...not his...plus the Lord wants it...so we can heal and don't get me wrong...I burn with hatred af times but God has delivered me in ways I fail to explain. I used to be agnostic but the spirit has saved me...

In this place (myptsd.com) we do not invoke divine authority when advising others. You are welcome to say "I found XXX useful because YYY", that is interpreted in this place as 'expressing your beliefs'. Saying 'the Lord wants it' assumes that your reader is of a Judeo-Christian faith, and is interpreted as 'shoving your religion down my throat'. You don't have to agree with that assessment if you don't want to, but understand that your rights to view and post on these forums will depend on your compliance with expected behaviours. If you have a passionate need to discuss a particular topic (such as your relationship with your god), then it is expected that you will start a new thread.

Regarding forgiveness, I think it's a very valuable thing. As a mostly-rehabilitated troll, I try to avoid getting emotionally engaged with people that I find difficult online, while trying to assert myself as effectively and constructively as I can. The danger of forgiveness is that it's often used to encourage submission; so I agree with those who find 'acceptance' a less-problematic term.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

How something as simple as forgiveness can be so contraversial.

Because its not for everyone. To each their own. Im glad it helps you and you keep doing what helps you and i'll do the same. ;)

 

[BlueOrange]

How something as simple as forgiveness can be so controversial.

The fact that it is perceived as simple fuels the controversy - when disagreement occurs, it's unexpected, and we react in surprised ways, as opposed to considered ways.

You have to love it. I know I do,.

No I don't. I really don't. I used to believe that forgiveness was a universally good thing.

And I was told repeatedly, "You have to forgive him, it's not his fault that he hits you."

"Understand that he wants the best for you, which is why he loses his temper when you make mistakes. Just stop making mistakes, please. Forgive him."

For a great many people who experienced ongoing abuse, 'forgiveness' is an essential part of a poison cocktail that was repeatedly forced into them.

I have learned how to forgive in a nuanced, complicated way. Because I used to 'forgive and forget', and the forgetting is part of why I kept on getting hurt, in the same ways, over and over.

 

[Deleted member 34535]

I guess it's time for some clarification. The original thread was totally what I believe, not what anyone else believes. As I stated in the disclaimer, My faith belongs to me and me only. Don't take this the wrong way, but I could care less what anybody else's religious faith beliefs are. This is very personal and it belongs to each of us. If someone has no faith in a higher power at all, that's fine with me, I could care less. It is hard enough for each of us to take care of our own laundry that worry about anybody else's. You don't believe in forgiveness, that's awesome with me.

But there is one tactic if you will that I have seen where people respond to threads that is a bit common in my humble opinion. If you read a thread and disagree with it, I don't get why some pull up the quotes from the original thread and then give their disagreements. Why can't you just state your disagreement in your own words. The original author of a thread's opinion is every bit as valid as yours. Pulling up the quotes and stating your disagreement seems to me an attempt at discrediting the author of a thread. The original threader was bold and gave their unbiased, original opinion. I think respondents can do the very same. It doesn't bother me in the least, I could care less. I am not here to win a fan base. I am here to give and to share. Thank you very much.

 

[BlueOrange]

If you read a thread and disagree with it, I don't get why some pull up the quotes from the original thread and then give their disagreements.

I do this because it helps to clarify what I'm talking about. By quoting this particular part of your post, I'm making it clear that I'm not talking about your stance on religion (I happen to agree with it), and I'm not talking about forgiveness right now (because I've already said what I feel motivated to say).

I also do it at times when someone says something that I regard as particularly noteworthy. If I have questions about what someone has said, then reminding them (and myself, and other readers) of exactly what they said can help remind them of what motivated them to say it.

Why can't you just state your disagreement in your own words.

I suppose that's possible. This way is more convenient.

Rather than picking your post apart one sentence at a time, I suppose I can go on at this point to talk about whether it's 'an attempt to discredit' or not. Cutting things up into little pieces is often used when there is disagreement or puzzlement, or when someone has asked a lot of questions in one post. I can understand that many of us have been 'put under the microscope' by people who did want to discredit us, and that it's an uncomfortable feeling a lot of the time.

Also, don't forget that many of us have difficulties with memory. By picking out a quote, I remind myself of what I'm talking about, and help myself to structure what I have to say.

Also, people tend to remember 'what they intended to say' when they reflect on communications as opposed to 'the words that they actually used'. If someone gets misunderstood or gives offence, it's often because they used words that weren't a very good reflection of what they intended to say. When discussing such a misunderstanding, it can be very useful to remind them of the words that they actually used.

 

[Deleted member 34535]

Blueorange, I just subscribe to the apples to apples philosophy. If an original Threader is willing to put their thoughts and feelings up front and out in the open without quoting others on the forum, then I believe it is not too much too ask that respondents to a thread do the same. We as Threaders want to know what you think and feel, unfiltered and unbiased. We don't care if you disagree with us. To the contrary, we welcome it because in this way, maybe we will learn something that will allow us to grow as an individual and survivor. We want to know what is honestly in your heart. And you should be able to communicate your viewpoints with ease when they come from the heart. Thank You.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The original thread was totally what I believe, not what anyone else believes. As I stated in the disclaimer, My faith belongs to me and me only.

A thread, typically is inviting replies and some replies counter your thought process and disagree and that's ok.

without quoting others on the forum

Then how would anyone know what i was specically replying to? Quote is there for a reason.

 

[BlueOrange]

No, you don't want my unfiltered opinion (you might want my unbiased opinion, but I'm not a saint, and I don't have an unbiased opinion). You might think that you do, but you very much want (and this community expects) that I will filter what I say in order to ensure that there is a constructive and harmonious society. Not only will I filter it, but I will construct it with care, and I will refrain from attempting to discredit people, focussing instead on what they say.

Understand that I (like every sufferer here) have a dissociative disorder, and that the nice, neat coherent point of view that I present is a thing that I actively choose to present. It takes effort, and I make that effort because I believe that this community is worth the effort. I make that effort because I am thoroughly convinced that others make that effort every time they speak in this place.

You might not care that I disagree with you, but there is a feral, destructive animal in me that continuously looks for targets that I could annihilate. So the way that I express my disagreement matters.

I understand that you find 'people pulling out quotes' to be a behaviour that you don't like. I haven't done it on this occasion. If you think that I can't hurt you while simultaneously complying with your stated wishes, then there is a part of me that would love to show you how wrong you are.

I'm a mostly-reformed troll, who knows a lot about how the mind works, and how psychic injuries happen, and what conditions are good for healing. You don't want my unfiltered opinion, you want my considerate and loving attention, and you want any disagreements that we have to be expressed in a considerate way. There's a difference.

Understand that I edited this post 6 times before posting it - even when I smack you down, I'm making an effort to be constructive, and to consider what I say.

 

[joeylittle]

Is life good or what? How something as simple as forgiveness can be so contraversial

I'm beginning to wonder if you are a troll. Your post about forgiveness was equally inclusive of blame and striking back. Exactly how is that simple?

You don't get to prescribe how anyone needs to respond to you. And if your purpose here is to yell 'fire' in a crowded movie theatre, as you say you are here to do - then I don't expect you'll be here long.

People have been responding to you honestly and with thought. Respect them enough to post thoughtfully in the first place.

If you don't want responses, particularly - open a diary. It's what they are there for.

 

[Deleted member 34535]

No, you don't want my unfiltered opinion (you might want my unbiased opinion, but I'm not a saint, a...

Blueorange, you did not come anywhere close to smacking me down. You may have thought you did, but you you weren't even anywhere near that universe. I will let others decide what they think and leave it at that. I found your response to enlightening. And I appreciate enlightenment. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

 

[BlueOrange]

I found your response to enlightening. And I appreciate enlightenment. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

That is a wonderfully constructive thing to say, and I appreciate it. We'll never know for sure if you'd have responded that way to drafts 1 through to 5, and I think it might be best to keep it that way :)